


Love Heals the Soul

by closetspngirl



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Drug Use, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Scars, Smut, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-09-14 07:06:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 80,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16908414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/closetspngirl/pseuds/closetspngirl
Summary: Jensen wants to get to know the reader who has had a rough go at life lately, hoping that she’ll be able to open up to him and let her soul heal.





	1. Open Mic Night

**Author's Note:**

> Italicized are lyrics, POV thoughts, flashbacks or text conversations; you can tell by context. The drug use in this story is Klonopin, used during panic attacks. The torture scenes are in chapters 27 and 28.
> 
> This was the first thing that I wrote, so you can see my writing style change as the story progresses.

It was an overcast day, which was fine, since you had nowhere else to be. You finished your work at the café, making sure they were stocked for the weekend. You were the pastry chef at a cute little corner café on Robson Street. It was right downtown Vancouver, lots of shopping and eateries around and any store and boutique you could think of. Weekends at the café were busy because of the shoppers. Afternoons were quiet, especially on overcast and rainy ones like today. People curled up with their coffee or tea, reading books, writing or typing away on their laptops. It was Friday, which meant open mic night. You had been playing more, in your apartment, getting back into singing after…

Before you finished that thought, you heard your phone ding, seeing a message from Briana.

_B: Hey girl! I’ll be there in 30 minutes. Can’t wait to hear you play tonight! Mind if I bring a couple of friends?_

_Y/N:Hey! Of course! The more the merrier, right? I’m a little nervous to be completely honest._

_B: You will do just fine. You’ve got this. It’s just like riding a bike, and I’ll be there for you if you need me._

_Y/N: Thanks Bri. See you soon._

It had been months, maybe nine or ten, since you played at an open mic night. Months since Jonathan. You knew you had to start again, it was time. 

\---  
You only lived about 10 minutes away from the café, so it gave you time to run home and grab your guitar and put on your favorite flannel shirt, the blue one that you wore everyday around Cuenca because it was something familiar in a place that wasn’t. 

Twenty minutes later and you were setting up the mic and your guitar, grabbing a cup of your favorite tea; peppermint. It was something that always calmed you. Which is exactly what you needed right now, after seeing Briana walk in with the friends she had mentioned. Kim was with her, which was no surprise. But the pair that was so affectionately known by many as ‘J2’ walked in behind Briana and Kim. It shouldn’t have surprised you that much. The café was known for having people from various shows come in, since Vancouver was such a popular filming location. You had even done cakes for different shows, be it birthdays, episode milestones and even retirements. Seeing someone of his or her…status…shouldn’t have surprised you. But it did. Maybe it was because it was Jensen and Jared, two of the stars of one of the biggest shows, one that you actually watched. Maybe it was because this was your first night performing after everything that had happened, and now they were here to witness it. What you thought would be an easy first night back, was now going to be so much more difficult. But, you knew that you couldn’t turn back now.

After the first couple of people went up, it was your turn, and hopefully you wouldn’t mess up. You had been hanging back in the kitchen, helping pour coffee and sell pastries. If you had been sitting with Briana and the others, you knew you would chicken out. You had a habit of going first, or in the first few. It gave you a chance to play and get the hell out. Playing and singing in public had never been your strong suit, despite the acting and singing you did in college. Alas, you went up, set your tea down on the bar stool next to the one you sat on, grabbed your guitar and looked at Briana for reassurance. She smiled and mouthed, “You got this!” which you returned with a nervous smile and began to play. 

You played the first few chords, your breath shaky. This one was for him, and you couldn’t bear to mess it up. Taking a deep breath, you managed to get out the first line.

 _Ramblers in the wilderness we can’t find what we need_  
_We get a little restless from the searching_  
_Get a little worn down in between_  
_Like a bull chasing the matador is the man left to his own schemes  
_ _Everybody needs someone beside em’ shining like a light house from the sea_

It took everything in you to steal a glance over to the table with Briana and the others. Bri and Kim had proud and loving looks on their faces. The boys, those looks were almost ones of shock, you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. You kept singing and playing, getting a little confidence back, going into the first chorus. 

At the table, Jared and Briana had both looked at Jensen throughout your performance, being met with him transfixed on you and your voice. They shared a glance and a smile with one another and went back to enjoying your show.

 _Brother let me be your fortress_  
_When the night winds are driving on_  
_Be the one to light the way  
_ _Bring you home_

__

__

The farther into the song you got, the more you could tell the small crowd loved it. Once again helping your confidence. Your finger slipped on a chord, only once, and you felt like you recovered it pretty well, hoping no one noticed. You finished out the last verse, and sat there for a second. For you it felt like a lifetime, but for the rest of the café, who were all up clapping for you, it was a second. Despite the wonderful feeling of being back up on that stage again, the memories came flooding back, the pain and sadness that followed what happened. Waving, and thanking them, you took your tea and guitar and stepped off of the little corner stage and into the back. You came out a couple of minutes later, making a beeline for Briana and the table. You were met with the biggest hug from Briana, warm and comforting. “I knew you could do it. It was perfect. He loved it,” she whispered in your ear, wiping a tear from her eye. Kim gave you a hug too, although you had only met her one other time, she had one of the brightest and warmest souls you had ever met, and it felt natural for that to be her response, which you welcomed. Then there were the boys. They stood up when you came over to the table, waiting to give their good jobs and praises until after the girls had their turn. You looked at them, shy once again, a small smile on your face. Jared was the first to say something, reaching his hand out across the table. 

“Jared, nice to meet you. That was an amazing, good job.” He said with a warm smile, a piece of hair falling out of place.

“Thank you. I’m Y/N,” you said, returning the smile, not ignoring the fact that your hand seemed so tiny in his. 

Briana spoke next, introducing Jensen, who had seemed to have lost his voice. “Y/N, this is Jensen”, nudging him with her elbow, making him snap out of whatever world he seemed lost in. 

“Hm? Oh, yeah, Jensen. Nice to meet you”, he said holding out his hand. His hand was almost as large as Jared’s, just as warm and inviting, but you could have sworn there was something else…could it be one of those connections that two people shared in those ‘love-at-first-sight’ novels? Doubtful. Things like that never happened to you. 

**Jensen’s POV**

I came with Briana, Kim and Jar to this open mic night, since I didn’t really have anything else to do today after we wrapped. Not wanting to drink coffee this late in the evening, I was sipping on black tea. With it enjoying a piece of dark chocolate cake, it was so rich and delicious; it was perfect. The four of us were sitting there for about twenty minutes, going through the first few acts. The next act was a woman, not too much younger than me, simple, dressed in jeans and a blue flannel shirt, her h/c hair pulled up into a messy bun on her head. I must admit that I was a fan of her style, she was cute, and shy it looked like. I heard Briana whisper something to Kim, something about this being Y/N, the one that we came to watch. I’ve heard Bri talk about her before, and I could always tell how much she loved her, like a little sister. The look on Bri’s face tonight, it was one of a proud older sister, full of happiness and love, and maybe even some sadness, if I wasn’t mistaken. 

Looking down at the cake, taking a bite, followed by a drink of tea, I heard her start playing. I knew the song, ‘Brother’. I had heard it a few times, and even found it fitting to what our show was about. The moment that the first word fell from her lips, I was hooked. I sat there, in a trance, as I listened to Whitney sing this song, with such emotion and love, that she was singing directly from her soul, a soul that sounded…broken? Y/N looked up and over to us, well, maybe to Bri, and kept singing. I heard Briana whisper, “That’s my girl” under her breath, not really to any of us in particular. You wanted to ask Bri to tell you everything about Y/N, but you knew she wouldn’t. Focusing back on Y/N singing, you watched her, so intently, not wanting her to stop. Too soon, the song was over, everyone in the café that was once just as enthralled with the music as you were was up clapping for Y/N. She shyly took a bow, said thank you and was gone. I didn’t know if I would ever see her again. 

Not two minutes later, Y/N was out from the back, headed right for Briana into a hug, who wiped a tear from her eye after she let Y/N go. What was it about this woman, what was her story? What had her and Briana so emotional? Ugh, all these questions I wanted to ask, but knew it was none of my business. All of a sudden I felt an elbow to my side. “Hm? Oh, yeah, Jensen. Nice to met you,” I said, holding out my hand, with her laying her small fragile hand in mine. I couldn’t quite name what I felt when she took it, I had never felt anything like it, like those connections you see in movies or read about in books. Those things don’t exist…do they?


	2. Coffee Run

It was Sunday afternoon, and you were sitting in your oversized chair in the living room strumming away on your guitar, trying to work on a new song. Trying was the key word. Your mind kept wandering and coming back to the cover of ‘Brother’ that you played at the café the other night, and a certain pair of piercing green eyes that had been on you the whole time you were playing. You were brought out of your day dream with a knock on the door. 

“Briana!” giving her a big hug, and taking the bottle of wine she handed you. “How’s your weekend?”

“It’s good. Trying to get some relaxing in, we have a pretty busy shooting schedule this week. But enough of that. Girl, that show on Friday! It was amazing!” 

Reaching up for a couple of glasses and fumbling around for a wine key, “Thanks Bri. I’m really glad that you were there, it meant a lot. You don’t think anyone noticed me messing up did they?”

“Of course not! You always were your own worse critic. Even with your baking. It was perfect. I promise. A certain someone seemed to really enjoy himself” taking the glass of wine from you and sitting at the kitchen table.

“Oh please” you said with a small giggle. “He was just being nice.”

“Then tell me why he was humming that song on the way back to the apartments?” She said with a wink.

“Because it’s a good song…?” You replied, knowing that wasn’t the answer she was looking for.

“How did you feel being back up there, performing again?” She asked, seeming to become slightly more serious, you not really knowing if there was some underlying question she was really trying to ask.

You thought about it for a moment. “It actually felt good. I was scared and nervous at first, naturally, but it really did feel good. I might even sing again at another open mic soon.” 

“Good! I’m glad to hear that.” Briana said with her bright smile, you wondering again if there was something else you were missing.

Just then, you dropped the glass you were holding, the sound of it shattering on the kitchen floor. “Damn it!” you gasped, as Briana came over to help you clean it up, seeing as you were barefoot. “Oh sweetie, it’s ok. It’s just a glass, we’ll clean this up and get a new one” she said. That, however, wasn’t what you were concerned about, and Briana did her best to keep you from seeing the worry on her face.

After the glass was cleaned up, more wine poured and snacks out on the table, you two were talking again. Just like all those nights in college spent talking about the hottest guys, current music and movies. You missed nights like this. 

“Oh goodness, it’s late. I forgot how great we are with losing track of time when we’re together” you said with a laugh, looking at your watch. “It’s after midnight, I need to get some sleep for work tomorrow, lots to do this week.”

“Alright, have a good day at work tomorrow! Don’t forget to save us extras!” she said with a wink and she was out the door. 

***

A few days later you were working on a couple new recipes in the café. Dee was on her break, so you were also covering the front counter. You heard your phone go off, seeing it was Briana. 

_Hey girl, one of our guys is swinging by for a coffee run for some of us. Busy day today. ;)_

_No problem! I’ll stick a few extra treats in there to help you make it through._ You typed out with a smirk.

Just then you heard the bell above the door ring, letting you know someone was out front. You walked out, looking down at your apron, making sure there wasn’t too much flour covering you, “Hello, what can I get for…” you trailed off, looking up to see a certain pair of emerald green eyes looking back at you. “You”. Suddenly realizing what the winky face in Bri’s text meant. You were going to have some words with her later.

“Me. Jensen. Y/N, right?” a small smile tugging at the corner of his sweet, soft looking lips.

“Uhh, yeah. Yeah, Y/N. So what can I get for you today?” you asked, surprised you even got out a sentence that made sense. 

“Two medium coffees, black. Medium dirty chai, an Americano, and…whatever you would like to drink.” He ended almost nervously, looking up to see what you would say.

“Umm, I get my drinks for free while I’m working, so I couldn’t possibly let you buy me one”, smiling while trying to hold in the giggle in response to his subtle advance. 

“Well, then how about I buy you a drink sometime when you’re not working?” He said with a hopeful smile.

“Sure, that would be nice,” you responded, a small smile on the corner of your mouth, as you set about making the coffees and packing up a box of treats that you had promised Briana. 

A few minutes later you came back with a drink tray and a small bag. “The treats are on the house, have a good rest of your day!” you said to Jensen, giving him a shy smile.

“Oh wow! Thanks, Y/N! I can’t wait to try them, and possibly share them, we’ll see” he said with a big grin, making your heart stop for a second, as you watched him turn around and walk out the door.

You pulled out your phone to text Briana. _Girl!_ was all you had to say, you knew she would know what you meant.

_You’re welcome_ was all that you got back from her. 

You were for **sure** going to be having some words with her, even though you knew deep down you weren’t completely mad at her.

**Jensen’s POV**

We had a small break in filming today, and Briana had mentioned that she wanted coffee from a particular café. I didn’t recognize the name of it, but said that I could go since I had a couple hours before I was needed back on set. She smiled, her devious smile that only spelled trouble, and whipped out her phone and started typing away. I heard my phone go off a second later, seeing that she had sent me the address. But then, why was she typing so excitedly? 

I went to my trailer to change coats, so I looked a little less Dean, and a little more Jensen. Which is hard to do some days, today being one of them. I found Cliff and told him that we had to go on a coffee run. “Really? Don’t they know we have coffee here? Coffee that’s actually pretty good?” Cliff asked me, confused. “I don’t know. Briana really wanted hers from this café, and it’s not that far away. And I have the time, with nothing else to do, so I figured why not?” I responded.

Twenty-five minutes later we were at the café. The block looked familiar, and then the store front, and then the inside of the café. The bell above the door rang, and you realized you had been here before. A week ago. With Briana, Jared and Kim for that open mic night, thoughts of that night coming back suddenly. Briana was going to get an earful for this. Just then, you heard a voice coming from behind the counter, but she wasn’t looking up, “Hello, what can I get for…” she started, her e/c eyes landing on me, “You.” She finished. 

“Me. Jensen. Y/N, right?” Was all I could get out, not being able to help the smile that formed on my lips.

“Uhh, yeah. Yeah, Y/N.” She said, startled, almost confused at what I was doing in the café. I gave her my order, and lamely tried to buy her a coffee in the process. Not realizing that she could have whatever she wanted for free. _Real smooth there, Jen._ She set about making my order, while I looked through the pastry case. Everything looked so perfect; eclairs, macarons and mini cakes, tarts and pies. Even the cookies and brownies looked perfect. Just as I was about to ask for one of the small cakes, she came back with a drink tray and a small bag. “The treats are on the house, have a good rest of your day.” She said.

“Oh wow! Thanks, Y/N! I can’t wait to try them, and possibly share them, we’ll see”, I told her, with a wink. Completely surprised at that small gesture. I gave her a smile and walked out the door, with Cliff and I headed back to set a moment later. When I was back in the car, I messaged Briana. _Uhh, yeah, we’re going to talk about that later…_ was all you said to her. You knew she’d get it.

_You’re welcome_ was all that you got back from her.


	3. Convention Weekend

The following Tuesday Briana came into the café after wrapping for the day. She had texted, letting you know she was coming over, and you had her dirty chai ready and waiting for her when she got there. You were sitting over in the corner where it was quiet, two oversized chairs and a small table. 

“How was work today?” You asked, sipping on your peppermint tea.

“Exhausting, more so emotionally. Donna is having quite the time in this episode” she sighed.

Knowing she couldn’t give you more than that, despite being your best friend, you ended the topic with a friendly “I’m sure it’ll be great. I can’t wait to see it. So, convention weekend, huh?” You asked her, taking a sip of your tea. 

“Yeah! That’s why I wanted to stop by actually. You’ve been a fan of the show for some time now,” she started.

“Uh huh…”

“And we haven’t spent a lot of time together because of you being busy here at the café and me with work,” she continued.

“Uh huh…Bri, out with it!”

“So will you be my plus one to the convention this weekend?” she finally finished, waiting with bated breath for your response.

You sat there staring at her. “Um. Come again? You can do that? I’m not with the show, how can I be a plus one?” you questioned.

“Well, you couldn’t do the panels or anything, or be a part of the photo ops. But we could totally get pictures of us and the other cast members at the end of the con. There’s always Karaoke Friday night, the Saturday Night Special, and just a ton of fun in between. I promise you won’t be bored, or feel awkward and we’ll be able to hang out all weekend, unless I’m doing a panel and ops of course. But it’s still a lot of fun.”

“Bri. Take a breath.” You managed to get out, seeing as she wasn’t letting you get a word in edge wise, clearly trying to get you to go. 

“So, you’ll go?” She asked, big smile on her face. “Did I mention you make a really good dirty chai?”

“Wow. Way to butter a girl up to get what you want there, Bri.” You said with a laugh. “But sure, since you practically made up my mind for me.”

“Yay!!” she squealed as she jumped up to hug you. “It starts with a pajama party Thursday night with Kim and I, then it actually gets going Friday and ending Sunday. Think you can go all weekend?”

Thinking about it, you didn’t have any cake orders, your product was really stocked up. You were suddenly thanking yourself for putting in those 12 and 13-hour days for the last couple of weeks. There wasn’t anything going on that your assistant couldn’t handle. 

“Sure!” was all you had to give her. 

“Great! I’ll text you tomorrow. We can share a room at the hotel if you want. I know we all live in the city, but it’s just easier being in the same place as everything going on. Pack comfy and cute clothes, and maybe a bottle of wine. And some of your wonderful pastries! Can’t forget those.” 

And just like that she was out the door, leaving you to think about the coming weekend, which was when you realized what you just said yes to. The convention…in Vancouver…where they film; Briana, Kim, Jared…and Jensen. An entire weekend being surrounded by the cast, including a certain green eyed man. Yeah, this was going to go well. 

***

You left work Wednesday, feeling excited about the coming weekend. You went over everything with your assistant, with her reassuring you that everything would be fine while you were gone. You always did have a hard time taking vacations, just because you worried about something happening while you were away. 

When you got back to your apartment, you started making a packing list of everything you needed for the weekend. You tried to pack light, but that never happened with you, although you were trying to remind yourself that, on the chance you needed anything, you were a quick drive from the hotel. 

Looking through your closet, you pulled out a few different items. Keeping in mind that Briana told you to dress comfy, you decided to leave the heels at home, and opted for your converse. They were pretty versatile, and with a cute pair of sandals and black flats, you had options. You pulled out a pair of jeans, a couple of old band t-shirts and a short waisted black leather jacket. It was light enough that you wouldn’t over heat or get tired of wearing it. 

You also pulled out a super cute maxi dress with a floral pattern that you paired with a denim jacket. Looking again at everything hanging up, your eyes fell on a blue flannel shirt, so cozy you could live in it, and you practically did; rolled sleeves, worn, but not worn out. You took it off the hanger, with a simple white tank top to go underneath, and put them in your bag. You knew the outfit of choice of the show was flannel, so you felt weird bringing it with you. You weren’t a super-fan, and honestly, felt a little silly having it be one of your choices. But it was the most comfortable thing you had, in every sense of the word. You moved on to the bathroom, grabbing the essentials, then on to the rest of the apartment tidying up since you would be gone all weekend. 

After packing and cleaning, you changed into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and settled on the couch with your favorite mug, flipping through Netflix debating between a movie or watching any one of the series you had seen four times over. Each. Of course you picked a series, and of course it was Supernatural, because why not, when you were about to spend all weekend with the cast. You had seen all of the seasons, multiple times each, but they never failed to bore you. And because you had seen them before, it allowed you to zone out if you wanted, or even fall asleep. Realizing that all of those late days at the café were starting to catch up with you, you started becoming tired. As you lay on the couch, curled up under a blanket, you could feel your eyelids getting heavy. Trying to stay focused on Dean and Sam saving people and hunting things, your eyes finally closed, those green eyes being the last thing you saw before you slipped away.

The next day, you felt the sun on your face, warm and bright. You slowly realized that you don’t get the morning sunlight in your bedroom, which made you wonder what happened. It was when you tried to move, feeling the pain shoot up your forearm, that you remembered that you had fallen asleep on the couch. Moaning while trying to get your body to move, you sat up, trying to clear your head. _That was a mistake; I will definitely regret that later today._ You looked at your phone, seeing that Briana had texted you just a little bit before you woke up.

_B: Morning!!! You ready for tonight?!_

_Y/N: Ugh. Morning. I will be once I get my body sorted out. Passed out on the couch last night. Complete mistake._

_B: Go for a run, do some yoga, work it out. I’ll be by at 5 to get you._

_Y/N: Hmm. I haven’t been on my mat for a while, that does sound nice. See you at 5._

Changing into something more suitable for yoga, you lit a candle, put some relaxing music on and rolled out your mat. It felt good to center yourself and move your body.

\--- 

After a shower you went out and got a bite to eat, not really feeling like cooking anything. You also had to get a bottle of wine, per Bri’s suggestion, as well as a box of pastries from the café. Not knowing what anyone liked, you picked out an assortment, making sure to grab something chocolate. You may have been amped up on adrenaline at the open mic night, but you didn’t fail to see that Jensen had been eating a piece of chocolate cake; and now that you thought about it, you weren’t even sure if he knew you were the one that made everything. 

You were sitting on the couch reading a magazine when there was a knock on your door. Jumping up, you went to answer it. 

“Bri! Finally!” You pulled her in for a hug. 

“Relax, I’m five minutes late.” She said with a laugh. “You all ready to go?”

“As I’ll ever be, I guess.” Letting out a nervous laugh, remembering what this weekend was all about, again. 

“Great! Let’s go!” Briana said as she grabbed your bag. Seeing your brace on the counter, she picked it up, gave you a knowing look, and stuck it in your purse. You knew you’d thank her at some point this weekend, you were sure.

***

Thursday night was a whirlwind of activity and people and photos. It was great seeing some of the fans that joined in on the pajama party interact with Briana and Kim. You were in awe of the two of them, such down to earth and beautiful souled women. You found yourself smiling, watching them laughing with a couple of fans, taking a few selfies. The rest of the night was a blur, laughing, talking, making friends and of course, singing was involved. Briana and Kim ended the night and you all made your way up to the room you were sharing. It really was like a sleepover all weekend; you weren’t upset at that, you missed the company. 

“Ok ladies, here is the wine and the pastries.” You said as you pulled them out of your bag. 

“Sweet! Uhh…No pun intended…?” said Kim. Pulling out a bottle of whiskey from her bag. “By the way Y/N, the pastries you sent back with Jensen the other day were amazing! I’m so glad you brought these!” She said taking a raspberry macaron out of the box and taking a bite. 

“Yeah, Kim wasn’t the only one that enjoyed them. Someone barely even shared the box with the rest of us!” Briana said, making you blush. Knowing both of them saw. 

Trying your best to play off the next question, and really hoping you could ask it without any further interrogation, you asked with a light laugh, “Is he even aware that I’m the one making all of these?” 

“Probably not, it is Jensen after all” Briana responded, giggling from the wine.

Kim was all over the questioning portion of the evening. “So…speaking of Jensen, what’s going on with the two of you?”

Looking between the both of them, and quite confused, all you could respond with was “Nothing” and a shrug of your shoulders. “He came to open mic night, then to pick up coffee, literally nothing has happened” you went on. 

“But if it did…” she continued.

“I don’t know. I guess I’d see what would happen…?” You actually never had thought about that. Sure, he was handsome, seemed to be sweet, funny and charming. His smile was something you could look at all day. His slight Texan accent, well that was a whole other story. And his eyes. Those gorgeous emerald gems…

“Hello. Earth to Y/N. You still with us?” Briana said with a laugh, waving her hands in front of your face. 

“Huh? What? I was just trying to…yeah I got nothing. I was thinking about Jensen. Happy? But it was Kim’s fault, she brought him up” You said matter of factly with a groan and laugh, knowing how much trouble you were in. 

“I knew it!!” Exclaimed Briana. The three of you now laughing, still drinking and eating the treats you brought. 

A couple hours later you all called it a night, so that you could get up early for breakfast, some much needed coffee, and the start of the convention. 

You and Bri got into bed, sharing one of the two queen size beds in the room, while Kim took the other. “How are you feeling, you ok?” She asked, looking over. You knew what she meant. She was always looking out for you. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You said with a small smile, laying down gingerly, looking forward to sleep.


	4. Friday Night

You were surprised Friday, at how calm you were. Crowds weren’t really your thing, and had it not been for Briana inviting you this weekend, you probably wouldn’t have come. Scratch that. You wouldn’t have come; this was far too stressful for you under normal circumstances, eight hundred-plus people was a little much to handle. Maybe it was because you were allowed in the backstage areas, away from the throngs of screaming fans that was helping to keep your nerves in check.

Kim and Briana had photo ops and autographs throughout the afternoon, but you still had time to hang out with them. It was fun to see them interact with the fans, take pictures and sign autographs. It was amazing to see what this show meant to the fans, and in some cases, how it completely changed lives. This fandom really was like a family, and you were really glad that you got to be apart of it.

The day went on and you got to meet more of the cast back stage, Briana introduced you to a few people, before bringing you over to Rob and Richard.

“Hey guys! This is Y/N. She’s my plus one this weekend, super cool girl, be good to her”, she told them, pointing a finger at both of them.

“Bri, you say that like we’re not nice guys and are always up to no good” Richard said with a shrug, looking at Rob.

Rob continued, “Yeah, I’m not sure where you would ever get that idea”. 

Briana looked between the two of them. “Uh huh. Be good,” she said with a sly smile. “By the way, do you guys have a set list yet for the concert tomorrow night?”

“I mean, for the most part. Why do you ask?” answered Rob.

“Well, I was hoping I could suggest a song?” Pulling him to the side after Kim came over and started talking to you, she lowered her voice. “I was wondering if you could have Jensen do Needtobreathe’s ‘Brother’. You don’t need to tell him that I asked you, in fact, don’t. I’m working on a little something, and would really appreciate it if you could help.” She finished with a smile and a wink. 

“Not sure what you have going on, but you never fail to disappoint. He knows the song, right? So when I spring this on him, he won’t be blindsided?” Rob questioned.

“Oh he knows it. He’s been humming it around set for the last week. He’ll be fine. Thanks for this,” She smiled and walked back to you and Kim.

You had noticed her talking to Rob, kind of away from the group of you back stage, “Everything ok?”

“Perfect” was all she said, a classic Briana smile on her face.

Later that night, after everything was done for the day, you all met up and went out to dinner at one of the restaurants downtown. Everyone was laughing and telling stories from the set, pranks that Jensen and Jared played on various people. You were sitting next to Briana, of course, with Kim next to her. Jensen was a few more chairs down, so it was hard to carry a conversation with him, if you would have been able to formulate any type of sentence, which you didn’t think you could have.

At one point, Briana leaned into you and whispered in your ear, “Girl, he will not stop looking at you”, making your face flushed. You were hoping that if anyone noticed, you could blame it on the few glasses of wine you had already had. Sure, you had made eye contact every once in a while, or glanced at him throughout the night, but you didn’t think it was anything more than just friendly conversation. _Ok, that’s a complete lie. You know he’s been looking at you more than anyone at this table. Why though? Why me? I’m just some…normal person, with more going on than he would ever care to deal with._

“Earth to Y/N…hello?” Briana had said your name a few times already, and it took you a second to snap out of the nothingness that you were so enthralled with, realizing that you had been rubbing your right arm. 

“Hm? Yeah, I’m here. I think I’m just getting tired. I’m going to head back to the room, take a hot shower and go to bed. You keep enjoying your night,” you said. 

“Are you sure? I can walk back with you, it’s not a problem,” she said, sounding almost worried. Jensen took notice to it, after hearing Briana offer to walk with you. “I can walk with you. In fact, I insist. I think I’m ready to get some rest as well” he said with a kind smile, those cute creases by his eyes really apparent, the ones that show up when he is smiling and laughing in a genuine way. 

Nervous at the fact that Jensen Ackles just offered to walk you back to your hotel, you gave him a small nod and a shy smile. You hugged Briana, who whispered something else in your ear, but you weren’t really paying attention to that, and said bye to the rest of the group, grabbing your coat and purse, you followed Jensen out of the restaurant. 

**Jensen’s POV**

I was in conversation with Rob and Richard about something, not really paying attention. I had glanced over towards Y/N, again, for the fiftieth time this evening. There was something about her that was just drawing me in, I didn’t exactly know what. She was so sweet and genuine. I needed to get to know her, I just didn’t know how. I noticed her and Briana talking, Y/N getting ready to leave, I heard Briana offering to walk her back. Y/N said she’d be fine, and I knew she would be, but I couldn’t let this go. I had to offer. Insist, rather. When I did, she gave me one of the most adorable smiles; shy, but cute, with a little nod. Perfect. I finally had a chance to talk to her, without interruptions and away from people. I had a feeling that she didn’t like being around a lot of people, so I was hoping she would be more open with talking if it was just the two of us. Our walk started off quiet, it had cooled down a little bit, but she had a leather jacket on, so I figured offering mine would be silly.

“So, are you enjoying the weekend so far?” you started off the conversation. 

“I am. It’s nice to finally take some time off away from everything. It looks like you guys have a lot of fun at these. And the cast seems really close, like a family.” She answered, giving me one of her small smiles. Those smiles of hers were so…perfect. 

“Good, and we are, just one big, goofy family. It’s great. Tomorrow is another fun filled, busy day; lots of panels, photo ops, meet and greets. It’s great. I don’t usually come to the conventions until Saturday night, sometimes in time for the concert, since Jared and I don’t have anything until Sunday. But I didn’t have anything going on this weekend, and we had a short shoot week, so I decided to come hang out. I can’t say I’m upset with that choice now.” I looked over at her, hoping I wasn’t talking too much, or saying something I shouldn’t be.

She looked like she was smiling at herself, which I thought was a good sign. “I don’t think I’m upset with that decision either,” she said looking up, some kind of twinkle in her eyes. Those beautiful e/c eyes, that I noticed the first day I saw her in the café. “What do you plan on doing tomorrow then, before the concert?” she asked me. 

“Sleeping in sounds like a great idea, since I haven’t done that in a while. Then maybe grab something to eat, hang out around town. Not sure really.” All of which was true, I wasn’t sure what I would end up doing all day, but if she suggested anything, I would do it. 

“How would you feel about some company for lunch? I was going to hang around for Bri and Kim’s panel, and then head back to the room for a little bit. But maybe, if you’re up for it, we could find someplace to eat? I don’t want to make myself sound like a shut in, or anything, because I’m not, but I don’t get around Vancouver much, and I live here. Damn it, I’m sorry. I ramble when I get nervous.” She gave a small chuckle after she finished. God, I could listen to her laugh or talk forever. 

“You don’t have anything to be nervous about,” chuckling. “That would be nice though, lunch it is.” I told her, while inside I was so excited I could jump up and down. By this time we had arrived back at the hotel, shared an elevator to our floor, and walked silently down the hall to her door. When we got there, she took her key card out of her back pocket, fidgeting with it, almost like she wasn’t ready to go inside. “I had a fun time tonight, I’m glad I was able to come and experience this, hang out with you guys, and actually get a chance to talk to you.” She said, finishing quietly, nervously.

“I’m glad you could join us.” Not really wanting to say bye just yet myself. I heard her inhale sharply, but from the looks of it she was trying to not draw attention to herself; I didn’t ask about it, although my eyebrow furrowed slightly in concern. I noticed that she started rubbing her right arm gently. “Well, I should go. Goodnight Jensen.” she said lightly, looking up at me. 

I made a somewhat bold move, bending forward so my lips were just at her cheek and gave her a gentle kiss. I heard her inhale again, but I had a feeling this time it was my fault, which put a small smile on my lips against her cheek, knowing that I had caused that reaction.

“Goodnight, Y/N” I said to her, giving her a wink. She went inside, stealing a glance over her shoulder, before shutting the door. I was smiling to myself the rest of the walk down the hall to my door, and in a blissful state until I was in bed. I had a feeling I was going to sleep just fine tonight.


	5. Saturday Morning

_You were in the park in Cuenca, looking around frantically for Jonathan, unable to yell or be seen. Running was proving to be useless. You tried screaming, yelling Jonathan’s name, but to no avail. No matter how hard or loud you tried to scream, nothing was coming out. You tried to scream again, hoping and praying it would work this time, but instead of a scream coming out, you were suddenly being hit with the sound of a buzzer. A really loud, make you double over holding your ears, buzzer._ Just like that you shot straight up in bed breathing heavy, heart racing and a sheen of sweat covering your entire body. Briana was at your side, sitting next to you on the bed. 

“Y/N. Y/N, look at me sweetie” her hands cupping your face. You managed to look at her, wide eyed and terrified, but you were still out of it enough to not realize where you were. “Wh…where…” you tried, but you couldn’t get the words out. “You’re in the hotel, we’re at the convention, you’re fine”, she said, in a calm voice, brushing a few strands of hair out of your face. It took you a minute to come to; when you realized that you weren’t the only two sleeping in that room. 

“Where’s Kim?” You asked nervously, this was the last thing you wanted her to be seeing. “She went down to get coffee. It’s ok.” Knowing that there was an unspoken understanding that this would stay between the two of you.

“Oh God Bri, I’m so sorry,” you said, covering your face with your hands. This was beyond embarrassing.

“Sweetie. It’s fine. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.” She reassured you, leaving the bed to get you a glass of water.

You sat there in bed for a few minutes, trying to will yourself out of bed and into the shower. Just then your stomach grumbled, loud enough apparently that Bri heard it. “Someone must be hungry,” she said with a laugh. “How about a shower and then we meet Kim in the lobby and head out to breakfast?” Nodding in response you got up and grabbed your clothes, your dress and denim jacket, and headed to the bathroom.

\---

An hour later the three of you were in a booth in the back corner of a little diner a block down from the hotel. Practically in sync with one another, Briana and Kim both said “Ok, spill”, looking at you expectantly.

“Wow. Ladies, I need tea, coffee, something. Too. Early.” You groaned, closing your eyes, putting your head in your arms on the table. Just then, the waitress came by and set down three coffees, your prayers being answered. “Drink up sweetheart, we’re waiting” Bri said, raising an eyebrow. You loved her, you really did, and she was the big sister you never had. Drinking down your coffee, you started waking up a little. It wasn’t that you were up super early, but given the events of the morning, you couldn’t sleep in like other people got to do. But that would have to come another morning. Maybe you could call into work on Monday, just to lounge around the house catching up on sleep. 

“I think someone is avoiding the question” Kim chimed in, with a smirk towards Briana. 

“Nothing happened!” you started, somewhat defensively. “Uh huh” retorted Briana. 

“Really” you continued, as you started to eat the omelet that was now in front of you. “We walked back to the hotel, talking about how the weekend was going, and what we each had planned for today”. You could already see the wheels in Briana’s head turning when you said that. “Lunch. We’re planning on going to lunch today, after your panel is over. There. That’s everything.” You finished, as you continued to eat, acting like you didn’t just tell your best friend and new best friend that you made a lunch date with Jensen-Freaking-Ackles. 

Kim was giving you one of her classic Jody looks. The one that she would give the boys’ on the show when they weren’t telling her everything, or not telling her the whole story, making you look down at your plate. Damn the Jody look. “Aaaand then he kissed me on the cheek and I went inside” you said, still looking down. 

“I knew it!” they both exclaimed, again, in unison. “He is totally falling for you” Briana finished. 

“He is not,” you argued, rolling your eyes.

Briana and Kim exchanged a look with each other. A look that you’re pretty sure they’ve exchanged as Donna and Jody at some point. 

“Ugh! Fine.” You said, “But why me? I’m just some pastry chef at a little café in downtown Vancouver. What makes me so special?” you rambled on, picking at your breakfast.

“Do you want this list alphabetically or chronologically?” Briana asked. You gave her a sarcastic glare.

The three of you eventually moved to conversation on to other things, them talking about the rest of the night’s antics after you and Jensen had left dinner. Pretty soon you started daydreaming about what this afternoon would be like.


	6. Saturday Afternoon

You were sitting off to the side of the stage during the panel. Those two were absolute gems. They were funny, beautiful, powerful women, had stories for days, but could also get serious when needed. They were two lights that you wanted around you for as long as you could have them. Every woman needs other kickass females in their group, and they were two of yours. When the panel finished, you went backstage to talk to them.

“Hey! You guys were great! I’m so glad that I finally got to witness one of these in person, that was fantastic.” You said. 

Both Briana and Kim were still laughing from all of the antics that just took place, “I’m glad you could come this weekend. So, what time are you going to lunch?” Briana asked.

“You know what, we never actually decided on a time, now that I think about it. We just said after your panel. But, I’m going to go up to the room and…well, I’ll be up in the room. If you see Jensen around, can you let him know?” You asked. 

Briana put a hand on your arm. “Of course sweetie. You know you don’t have to hide anything, right?” You looked down at your feet, embarrassed that you thought you had to, but knew you could be open about it. “I know. It’s just…” you trailed off. “I’ll tell him,” Briana responded, with a warm smile.

You made your way up to your room, realizing how tired you were feeling. Seeing as you and Jensen never decided on a time to go out, you hoped that maybe you could fit in a ten-minute power nap. It was worth a shot. You walked inside, took your jacket off and put your brace on. You knew Briana was right, it was nothing you needed to hide, and it really wasn’t that big of deal. You just didn’t like talking about it, and conversations usually started when people saw, so ergo, you didn’t talk about or let them show. You also hated wearing the brace, it was just one big ugly reminder, but you knew it helped. 

Slipping off your shoes, you laid down on the bed, still in your dress. Figuring you were only going to be sleeping for a few minutes, you didn’t see a need to change. You laid on top of the comforter, not wanting to get too cozy or you’d never get up, closed your eyes, your breathing slowed, and within minutes you were asleep. No sooner had you fallen asleep than the flashbacks of Cuenca started coming back. Nothing frightening, yet; busy streets, car horns, street vendors, and people. You were standing in the middle of the park again, still frantically searching for Jonathan, you were still trying to scream, still nothing coming out, and still invisible. You started panicking, wondering how you could possibly find Jonathan if no one could hear or see you, when suddenly it all faded and you woke up with a start. 

Wincing at the slight pain that ran up your arm from using it to sit up, you heard a somewhat vehement knock on the door, wondering if that’s what pulled you out of your sleep. Still a little clouded, you walked over and opened the door, fully waking up as soon as it was open. “Jensen.” You managed to get out, slightly confused mixed with a little surprise. 

“Are you ok Y/N? I thought I heard some commotion going on, and when you didn’t answer the first couple times I knocked, I started to worry,” he said. 

That made you realize that you had been talking in your sleep, wondering what you actually said, and how much he heard. “Yeah, I’m ok. I just fell asleep for a couple of minutes…which is why I didn’t hear you right away” you responded while covering your brace, what you hoped was nonchalantly, with your other hand. “Give me just a second, and I’ll be ready to go,” you smiled, hopefully putting him at ease a little bit. 

Taking off your brace and putting it on the nightstand, you grabbed your jacket and purse and slipped on your sandals, taking a quick look in the mirror you decided you looked presentable enough to be seen with Jensen in public. He was standing in the doorway, waiting for you. He had on a snapback with the Dallas Cowboys star on it, and a plain grey t-shirt and a pair of relaxed jeans and converse. Cozy, casual and downright handsome. There was something very Old Dominion about his look, which you didn’t mind at all. “Shall we?” you asked closing the door behind you.

**Jensen’s POV**

I had been ready to go for a while, dressing simply, because I wanted to be comfortable. Because Y/N and I hadn’t decided on a time to meet, I didn’t want to show up right after Bri and Kim’s panel, that would seem too eager. I waited a little bit, that only lasting about five minutes, then headed downstairs to the ballroom figuring Y/N would be back stage hanging out with the girls. 

As I walked in, I started looking around for Y/N, but didn’t see her. Briana must have noticed and came over, “Hey” she said. “I’m guessing you’re looking for Y/N” only able to giver her a small nod, starting to wonder if maybe she didn’t want to go out to lunch anymore. “She’s up in the room, she needed some time alone before the two of you went out, it’s ok” she said with a warm smile. I perked up at that, knowing she was still ok with going out to lunch. Giving her a quick thank you, I started to turn to leave.

It wasn’t a second later that I remembered what I had heard this morning, turning back I caught Briana’s attention. “Hey Bri, can I ask you something?” She recovered the couple of steps that she had started to take, “Sure sweetie, what’s up?” I hesitated for a second, but decided to ask anyway, “Was everything ok in your room this morning? I was walking by to go to the elevator, and…well…I thought I heard screaming? Or something?” I said nervously, my hand on the back of my neck. Briana seemed to hesitate herself, like she was deciding how much, if anything, to tell me. Finally, only seconds later, she smiled her big Briana smile. “Everything was fine” she assured me and patted me on the arm. “You two have a good lunch,” she said. 

As I headed up the elevator to her room, I was trying to think of someplace to take her, quiet and out of the way, not only because I wanted the time alone with her, but also to keep away from people so she felt more comfortable. I knew that was going to be a little difficult, especially this weekend. There was that cute little Spanish place, good food, nice atmosphere; I hoped she’d like that. 

When I reached the door, I knocked and waited. After some time had passed and there was no answer, I knocked again. When more time had passed, I realized I could hear talking, it was muffled coming through the door so I couldn’t make out what was being said, but I could tell that it sounded scared. The only word I was able to completely understand was ‘Jonathan’, and it sounded panicked. Although not as much as it did this morning. Not knowing what was going on in there, I knocked louder, needing to make sure that Y/N was ok. 

Just as I started going through what I would do next if the door didn’t open, I heard the lock click and the door open slowly. Y/N was rubbing her eye, seemingly half asleep, barely getting out “Jensen”. It looked like seeing me had fully woken her up, out of her sleep filled state she just left. 

“Are you ok Y/N? I heard some commotion going on, and when you didn’t answer the first couple times that I knocked, I started to get nervous,” I told her, trying to keep the nervousness out of my voice. I could tell that I had a visible look of concern covering my face, but despite the attempts to hide it, I couldn’t. She told me that she had fallen asleep, which is why she didn’t hear me knocking. That meant that she had been talking in her sleep, something clearly bothering her enough for that to happen, and that saddened me. That also meant that she was having nightmares, which had to have been what I heard this morning. What I would give to be able to comfort her, but she needed to be comfortable with me, before I ever said anything to her first. 

I saw her move her other hand to cover her braced arm, not making any indication that I saw what she was doing. I knew she was a guarded person, and she would tell me anything she wanted to, when she was ready. I wasn’t going to push anything. She was someone worth going slow and getting to know, and I didn’t mind waiting.  
She smiled at me, an adorable smile, which reassured me a little that she was ok. Turning back in and grabbing her jacket and purse and putting on her shoes, I stood in the doorway leaning against the frame. All I wanted to do was to pull her into a hug and tell her everything was ok, but I couldn’t. She came back towards me, pulling me out of my thoughts with “Shall we?” then closing the door behind her we headed down the hall. When the elevator doors opened, I placed my hand on her back and gently guided her in first, pushing the lobby button when I stepped in. 

“How does Spanish food sound? Tapas, maybe a drink?” I looked down at her, her e/c eyes bright, matching her smile. 

“That sounds good.” She said. 

“It’s only a ten minute walk from here, if that’s ok? Or we can call a taxi, it’s up to you, either is fine,” I offered. By this time we were at the main door of the hotel, stepping outside. She breathed in deeply, closing her eyes as she did, seemingly enjoying the late summer air. 

“Walking is fine, the weather is actually really nice today, we should enjoy it,” she said. “I already am,” I said quietly, with a small smile on the corner of my mouth, not sure if she heard me, even though it was more to myself. If she did hear, she made no indication of it.


	7. First Date

The two of you spent the next couple of hours eating, laughing and talking. Talking about anything and everything that you could. You really felt like you were able to open up to him, which was nice. Other than Briana and a couple of other people, you didn’t have anyone that you felt comfortable with letting in. But Jensen was different. He was kind, nice, funny, had one of the warmest smiles you had seen and he was genuine. It could have also been the two glasses of wine that you had that was helping you relax a little bit, a nice Tempranillo. 

Looking down laughing at something Jensen had said, you looked up and caught his eyes on you, so intently. He was smiling so genuinely; those creases next to his eyes were showing. You loved seeing him smile like that, and secretly, you had loved it since you started watching the show. Those times when his smile was so real and pure, you could see them, despite whatever world-ending storyline they were in the middle of. And now here you were, eating lunch with the man. You could stare at those green eyes and smile all afternoon, and well into the night, if you didn’t have anywhere else to be. 

You noticed that it had gotten warm outside, so you took your jacket off, not caring at this point about the scars that you had, the wine was letting you forget about your insecurities with them. You didn’t notice when Jensen glanced at your arms, seeing the scars, making him tense up a bit. 

When you turned around from hanging your jacket on the back of your chair, you saw a hint of something in Jensen’s eyes, like they had darkened; they looked…curious? The rest of your time together was relaxing however. You sat at the table for some time, passing on the dessert menu. “There’s this cute little gelato shop around the corner that I want to take you to, incredible flavors, all homemade. The family that owns the shop is really nice as well,” he told you. “Well, gelato is actually one of my weaknesses, I can’t wait to try it,” you smiled as you stood and put your jacket back on with Jensen guiding you away from the table.

Once there, you were impressed by all of the flavors that they had to offer. Limoncello, forest berries, pistachio, stracciatella and coffee. The list went on, and you wished you could try them all. I’m going to have to keep this place as a future go-to for us…assuming…

“Anything looking good to you?” Jensen asked, seeing your eyes roaming over the case, each of the flavors beautifully decorated with garnishes matching the flavors, his lips curling in a smile at the sight. “Oh my goodness, this place is heaven on Earth. Can I get one of everything?” You asked him with a small laugh. Touching your arm to get your attention he said, “Tell you what, how about we each get a different flavor, and then we can share?” You thought about it, pretending to really consider the fact of having to share, finally answering him, “I think I can handle sharing with you,” the smile on your lips matching the one on his. 

There was a little park near by that you walked through while enjoying your gelato. “Oh wow, this tiramisu is amazing, flavorful but clean. Here, try it,” you said, already holding your spoon out with a small bite on it, not even thinking that he could have used his own spoon. “Sure” he said, as you held it up for him, he kept his gaze on you, not breaking contact, even for a second. To say your heart skipped a beat would be an understatement. It skipped a few. 

“Mmm. That’s delicious. You can really get the mascarpone and the coffee, without one overpowering the other.” All you could do was look at him dumbfounded. He chuckled, “What? I can appreciate a good dessert. Your turn,” was all he said; not giving you the option of using your spoon as his was already near your mouth waiting. You took the bite of the frozen treat, closing your eyes, really taking in the flavor and savoring it. The pistachio was strong, but not aggressive, which you liked. The texture was nice and smooth, while at the same time being light and refreshing on this surprisingly warm afternoon. “Oh my, that is simply amazing,” you said as you opened your eyes, instantly settling on the green ones that never left you. “I know”, you heard him say, giving him a small smile. 

“I’m going to have to remember some of those flavor combinations for the café and make some new desserts,” You said, taking a mental note of some of the flavors. “Wait, what? You’re the one that makes everything there? The cakes, cookies…everything?” he asked with an adorably surprised tone. You let out a hearty laugh, “Of course! What did you think I did there?” He stopped walking, visibly thinking about what you did, “Well, I don’t know, I guess I never thought about it. Briana never said anything either. Everything that I’ve had has been incredible. I’m definitely going to have to stop by more often now!” Jensen exclaimed as he started to walk again, while you gave him another laugh. “Oh yeah? The pastries are the only reason you’d stop by the café again?” You questioned, teasingly, giving him a little wink.

Discarding your cups in the receptacle on the way out of the park, you made your way back to the hotel. You noticed his hands in his pockets, wondering if he was just as nervous as you were. Doing something you wouldn’t normally do, albeit a simple gesture, you laced your arm through his, resting your hand on his forearm, looking up at him waiting for him to say no, but he didn’t. He just looked down at you with a smile. 

Most of the walk back was silent, but it was comfortable. Just being together was nice, and almost natural feeling. He moved his hand to your back as he led you into the elevator and kept it around your waist until you got to your door. You pulled out your key card, but didn’t make any move to go inside, when you turned to him. “Thank you for lunch, and the conversation, it was really nice. I hope I’m not overstepping but this is the most comfortable I’ve felt around someone in a while. I’m not entirely sure why I’m telling you this, but I just felt like I had to. And here I am going on again,” Giving him a shy smile before looking down at the floor.

“The pleasure was all mine Y/N. I hope we can do it again soon.” He said, at which point he brought his hand up to your chin, gently tilting your head up to look in your eyes before his lips found yours, brushing lightly against them. They were so warm and inviting, and you could even still taste a hint of the pistachio. The kiss stayed simple and gentle, his hand moving softly from your chin along your jaw, until his hand rested on the side of your neck. You tensed up from the movement for the smallest fraction of a second, hopefully unnoticed, and willed yourself relax; you knew you didn’t need to worry about anything with Jensen. A moment later he carefully pulled away, almost like he didn’t want it to end, which you couldn’t blame him. You would have been perfectly content to stay there just a little longer. 

After opening your eyes and focusing for a second, he came close to you again and whispered in your ear, “I’ll see you tonight Y/N”, then kissed your cheek. You knew you probably had the dorkiest smile on your face, but you didn’t care. You slid your key card into the reader and started opening the door. He turned and went to his room, looking back over his shoulder and giving you a wink. Once inside the room, you closed the door and stood with your back against it, eyes closed, still smiling, exhaling the breath you didn’t realize you were holding. You figured that if you tried to move your legs would betray you and you would end up in a pile on the floor. 

When you felt like you could move, after what could have only been fifteen or twenty seconds, you opened your eyes, only to be struck by shock and nerves again, when you realized Briana and Kim had been sitting on their beds watching you. Both of them had huge smiles on their faces, and you didn’t even have to tell them what happened, they could tell. With that, you took off your shoes and jacket, changed the dress for a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, climbed into bed next to Briana and put your head on her shoulder. “You ok sweetie?” she asked you, knowing the answer.

“Absolutely perfect” you said with a smile, before you drifted off into sleep. 

**Jensen’s POV**

Our lunch date had been absolutely perfect. I’m glad I settled on the little Spanish place, it was far enough out of the way that there weren’t too many people around. Y/N seemed relaxed, I really enjoyed seeing her like this, to be able to enjoy the moment and not have to worry about anything. 

I had noticed the scars on her arms when she took her jacket off, some of them older looking, maybe years old, faded, just a shade or two different than the rest of her skin. There were identical ones running down each wrist, a couple inches long each; also faded, but it was almost as if they had been re-injured sometime within the last year. She had others, going all the way up to her shoulders, and even a couple smaller ones around her neck and collarbone. Those had to have been from the same time frame, healed, but not long enough to have faded like the others. None of them were red or angry looking, but they were noticeable. My heart began to ache, my body started becoming tense, I wanted to know what did this to her. Or who…? _Jumping to worse case scenario there, dude. Relax._ I was quickly realizing why she wore long sleeves. 

After lunch I took her to the gelateria that I frequent on the weekends, but this weekend it seemed to taste better than normal. Y/N and I shared the flavors that we each got, the look of pure bliss and appreciation on her face when I gave her a bite of my pistachio, I had never seen anyone enjoy a bite of food that much, savoring the flavors.

It was the conversation following that, that I found out she was the pastry chef for the café. I honestly couldn’t believe it. Everything that I had tried from there had tasted so amazing, and it all looked picture perfect. Her attention to flavor and detail was impeccable. Once that had sunk in, we walked back to the hotel, in a comfortable silence, not wanting to go our separate ways after getting back to her door. 

She got nervous, going on about how comfortable she was with me, which made me want to know more about her. But I had to wait; I knew she would tell me when she was ready. I couldn’t wait any longer to kiss her though. It wasn’t a need-you-now, giving into the throes of passion, kind of kiss. It was the sweetest, most gentle kiss, almost as if I was telling her that she never had anything to worry about with me, and she never will, that I will always be here for her no matter what. 

It was when I moved my hand that I felt her tense, her reaction time between tensing and relaxing so quick that I was wondering if I had imagined things. I didn’t let her know about what I thought I felt. I eventually had to pull myself away, despite everything in my being wanting me to stay. I knew I would see her in a couple of hours, but I still didn’t want to leave. She had the most adorable grin on her face when I pulled away, it made me smile, one of those whole face smiles, where I’m genuinely happy with what is going on. And I was; so, so incredibly happy.


	8. Saturday Night

An hour or so later you felt yourself getting woken up, not ready to leave the sleep you were so much enjoying, finally, and so desperately needed. 

“Y/N, sweetie, time to get up. We’re going to go get a bite to eat before the concert.” Briana told you. You felt like you had just eaten, but looking at the clock you saw it was already six-thirty. 

“Give me fifteen minutes?” You asked, wiping the sleep from your eyes. 

Once the sleep driven fog was gone from your mind, you changed into a t-shirt and jeans, throwing your leather jacket on. You knew it was the same outfit as the night before, but only Bri and Kim would know that, and you also knew they didn’t care. 

Quickly, you put your h/c hair into a side braid, leaving small strands around your face for that ‘purposefully messy’ look. You fixed up your makeup, and made it go from day to night, with the help of a little dark eye shadow, eyeliner and a darker lip than you wore earlier that day. Once you were done, the three of you headed down stairs, opting to eat at the restaurant in the hotel. 

“Who all is coming to dinner?” You asked them. 

“Rob and Rich will join, but they’ll have to leave early to get set up for the concert. Ruth and Rachel will be there, Felicia messaged and said she was in town for something, so I invited her, and of course the boys.” Kim answered. You tried to keep your enthusiasm to a minimum at the mention that the boys, specifically Jensen, would be joining you. You knew that Briana could see right through it though. 

When the three of you got to the table, you saw Ruth and Rachel were already there. You could tell right away that these were two more outstanding women that you wanted in your life, so pure and positive. And you simply loved the spritely little Ruth, with her bright red hair and wonderful Scottish accent. You could listen to her speak for hours and never tire of listening. 

You got seated, hanging your jacket on your chair, with Briana on your right, putting you next to an open chair. You normally did that, always wanting to make sure you could leave if you needed to. It wasn’t until the boys walked in that you realized what she had done; looking over to her she gave you a quick wink. _That girl. I’ll have to make her a cake or something for everything she’s done this weekend._

Jensen walked over to the chair next to you, “Is this seat taken?” You got caught up for a moment when he walked over, taking in everything about him. He had traded the converse for boots, darker jeans, and kept the grey t-shirt but added a black button up, left unbuttoned, and a dark jacket. _That man can wear anything and it would look good on him._

“Nope, it’s all yours” you said, trying to contain yourself. Which was incredibly hard to do when, once he sat down he leaned over and gave you a kiss on the cheek, a kiss that happened to linger for maybe an extra second or two. It wasn’t some grand gesture that he announced to the table, but you knew that everyone saw, even though no one said anything. 

You smiled and looked to your lap hiding the flush that was no doubt in your cheeks, making your face hot. Jensen chuckled, and put his arm on the back of your chair, nonchalantly running a finger or two up and down your back every now and then. 

“So how was the rest of your afternoon?” Jensen asked you; not speaking much louder than what Jared and Briana would have heard. You looked up at him, smiling, feeling shy…no…nervous? You weren’t sure if you were ever going to get over that. “It was good, uneventful. Managed to get a nap in, so that was nice,” you told him. “Sweet dreams, I hope?” he asked, a playful look and smile on his face. “You know what? They were…there were macarons…cupcakes…tarts…eclairs…” you listed off, letting out a small chuckle. Jensen was still smiling, but you could see he was laughing with his eyes as well, those creases showing. Jared had heard the conversation and gently hit Jensen on the arm laughing. “Dude, you kind of set yourself up for that one,” he said, the three of you now laughing out loud. 

The evening was spent, once again, with good food and drink, great people and wonderful stories. As dinner went on, you noticed that you were warm, but not like this afternoon where it was the weather that caused it. This was gentle warmth; because of body heat…someone else’s, as if they were standing four inches away from you. You also noticed that Jensen’s hand wasn’t on your back anymore, but on your shoulder. It was that moment that you realized just how close he was sitting, so close that you were practically leaning into his side. You weren’t sure when he had moved so close, or if maybe it was you who had moved, but it didn’t startle you. It felt comfortable, more than comfortable actually; it felt right. 

You had a hard time during the rest of dinner focusing on much of anything that wasn’t Jensen. He was warm and you could smell his cologne, something you didn’t notice when you were at lunch earlier that day. He occasionally went back to rubbing his fingers across your back, even moving up the back of your neck, just above the collar of your shirt. You could tell that he wasn’t doing it in a sensual way, but in a sweet way, as if to let you know he was there for you. 

_Is that weird? That’s weird, but it does feel good, and it is kind of nice knowing he’s there._ You looked up at him, not for any reason, you just wanted to look at him, to see those beautiful eyes, his caring face and those little freckles that dotted over his nose. You could see the little bit of scruff along his jaw, that you remembered feeling against your cheek just hours prior. When he kissed you. 

He had been in conversation with Jared about something when you looked up at him. Jensen went to reach for the whiskey coke that he had been drinking when he noticed you looking at him. “What? Do I have something on my face?” He asked as a smirk started forming on the corner of his mouth. Pulling a small giggle out of you, you managed to answer him, “No, it’s perfect. I’m just enjoying the view.”

 _WOW. I am never that direct, but I’m not upset that I just said that._ It was Jensen’s turn to let out a small laugh, after which he leaned over, the smell of his cologne mixing with the whiskey, and whispered in your ear, “So am I. You look great tonight.” You couldn’t tell if the ‘Thank you,” you gave him was audible, mainly because you were so caught up in the closeness between the two of you. _I can only hope this lasts once…_

**Jensen’s POV**

I spent the next couple hours thinking about Y/N and that kiss. It was simple and amazing. I just wish I knew if what I thought I felt, her tensing under my touch, was real. I would hope it wasn’t, but after overhearing her talking in her sleep, sounding scared, I couldn’t be sure. 

_J: Hey, you busy?_

_B: No, sitting here reading, what’s up?_

_J: I was wondering if I could ask you about Y/N?_

_B: Sure. Would it have anything to do with her coming in like she was walking on cloud nine after your lunch date?_

_J: Oh yeah? Haha. That could have been my fault, but that wasn’t what was on my mind._

_B: Jen, what’s going on? Everything ok?_

_J: I hope so. Umm…so this afternoon…Is Y/N ok?_

_B: Yeah, Jen. She’s fine. She’s asleep next to me. What about this afternoon? You’re starting to worry me…_

_J: I don’t want this to make things weird between us. You and I us, or Y/N and I us. But, I need to ask. When we were at lunch today, she took her jacket off, and I saw the scars. There were so many, some of them really bad. Bri, is she ok? That hurt me to see. I didn’t say anything; I knew it wasn’t my place. I also heard her talking in her sleep earlier when I came to get her for lunch. She sounded scared. I just need to know she’s ok. I know you can’t tell me what the story is, and wouldn’t even if you could. And I would never ask you to break anything like that between you and her, but…just tell me she’s ok._

_B: Oh sweetie. You’re right, I can’t tell you, that’s her story to tell. But from the looks of things, she’ll let you in. Just please be patient with her. She really likes you. She just needs a little time. And don’t worry about her. Y/N’s a strong girl, it’s just easy for her to get scared. She’ll talk to you when she’s ready. Are you ok with that?_

_J: More than. I want to be there for her, thank you Bri. I’ll see you at dinner._

_B: Good, and you’re welcome. See you tonight._

Talking with Briana made me feel a little better, although it still hurt to see Y/N like that. But that confirmed it; she did tense up when I kissed her. But why?

\---

Jared and I were the last to show up to dinner, and there was an open seat next to Y/N. I couldn’t help but kiss her on the cheek, lingering, but not long enough. I didn’t want it to end. I carefully put my arm around her, and she didn’t flinch, that had to be a good thing. Subconsciously I started rubbing a finger or two up and down her back. 

I could have sat and listened to her laugh all night. The one she gave after telling me about her dreams, was probably the best one I have ever heard. 

I caught her looking at me. Seemingly for no reason, which was fine. I realized after sometime that we were sitting so close to one another, not sure if I had moved or if it was her. Either way, I didn’t mind it. I’m here for whatever she needs from me.


	9. The Concert

All of you were back stage hanging out during the concert; Rob and Richard were out playing with the band, Ruth out there as well signing, starting off the concert. Various cast members were going out and performing a song with the band, and you were surprised by how talented this cast was outside of the show. Briana was next, followed by Kim, and then a couple other cast members and friends of the group. 

Jared and Jensen had been hanging out as well, each of them with a drink in hand, sitting on the sofa. You chose to sit in one of the other chairs, not because there wasn’t room on the couch. There was, but you just didn’t know where you and Jensen were at with something like that. _‘Something like that’…like sitting on a couch is a big deal. I just don’t want him thinking that I’m assuming this is a thing, if it’s not._ What you didn’t realize was that Jensen kept watching you as you talked to everyone else in the room.

While Kim was out singing, Briana brought over two whiskey cokes for you and her. You took a generous drink of yours, letting the strongly poured whiskey warm you and calm your nerves. _Why am I even nervous? It’s not like I’m the one singing tonight, especially not in front of 800 people. Maybe it’s because he’s sitting right in front of me. Looking as handsome as ever in his jeans, coat and boots._

The roar of the crowd pulled you out of your thought, as you saw Jensen stand up. “Well I guess that’s my cue, wish me luck,” He said with a wink in your direction, as he disappeared behind the curtain and onto the stage, the roar of the fans growing louder. “Does he even need luck? The guy can sing…” you asked, looking at Jared who just laughed in agreement, shaking his head.

There was a TV in the room you all were in, showing what was happening on stage. You saw Rob kind of fidget a little bit, announcing that they were going to be trying out a new song tonight, and hoping that Jensen wouldn’t mind. Jensen of course became a little wary, not liking to be blindsided by these kinds of things. You watched as Rob talked to Jensen off the mic, presumably telling him what song they were going to play, when you saw one of those genuine smiles cross his face. Jensen shook his head in agreement, saying into the microphone at that point, that he knew the song that it was a new favorite of his, the comment lost on you.

“What’s up Vancouver?” He asked, and then waited for the cheers to die down. “We are going to be trying something new. I had heard this song before, but just recently reintroduced to it by a friend of mine. It’s a great song that I know y’all will enjoy, one that also fits with the basis of our show.” 

You didn’t see Briana giving you little glances as Jensen made his introduction to the song. It wasn’t until the first few notes started playing, that you stopped, gaping at the television screen. It was a good thing there was a table to put your drink on; otherwise it would have been on the ground. You didn’t notice the fact that Kim, Briana and Jared were all staring at you, as you watched what was happening. _Brother…but how…I don’t…._ You were questioning to yourself as you stood up and moved toward the screen.

All you could do was stand there and whisper, “How?”

Briana went over to you and put her hand on your shoulder and finished what you couldn’t ask; “I talked to Rob last night about adding it to the set list. Jensen had no idea, and Rob has no idea why I asked him for that song. It really does fit with the show, and I promise I’m still the only one who knows what that song means to you. But I could also tell how Jensen was watching you in the café when you were playing it, and the fact that he’s been humming it around set since that day.” She was saying all this while brushing a few strands of hair out of your face, in the big sisterly way. 

You looked at Kim and Jared, almost asking if everything she was saying was true, not that you had to ask, and not that you didn’t trust her. She knew you better than anyone. Jared spoke up, “Y/N, this song has been the only thing on his mind since the café. I know the guy pretty well, we all do, he’s a good guy” he stood up, coming over to you and putting a hand on your shoulder. It was like he could tell that you were hesitant about letting him into your life, and he was trying to reassure you that it was ok. 

By this point he was into the first chorus, Briana turned and asked if you trusted her. “Of course” you answered, practically whispered. With a twinkle in her eye, she motioned to one of the stagehands, and an extra mic suddenly showed up in front of the two of you. She looked at you one more time, and handed you the mic, surprised at yourself for reaching out and taking it. Your mind caught up with what was happening, “Ok wait, hold up! Where are we going? I can’t just go up there!” you protested. 

“Y/N, you know this song inside and out, you’ll be fine. The lights are so bright you can’t even see the crowd, and Jensen will really be surprised, good surprised. I’ll be next to you the entire time. All of our college years in theater and singing will come right back to you, it’s like riding a bike. I also would never make you do anything that you don’t want to, or that I know you’re not ready for. Sweetie, you’re ready for this. We all saw you at the open mic night, you can do this,” she reassured you, placing a hand on your cheek. <>Maybe she’s right…thirty seconds of bravery…? And just like that, as Jensen went into the second verse, you felt her hand pull you to the stage.

When you went out, the crowd started cheering when they saw Briana, and just like that you felt a pit in your stomach. You knew the crowd was there, and you did not do crowds. Bri was right, you knew this song back and forth and could sing it just fine in your sleep, you knew all the back up verses, keys, and was thanking everything holy that they were doing the album version; meaning there wouldn’t be any off scripts surprises. You knew you could trust your pitch, you just didn’t know if you could trust your nerves.

Jensen hadn’t seen you yet, he was still singing to the crowd, making sure to cover the whole span of the ballroom. At first, he only saw Briana, probably because you had stayed a couple paces behind her. She turned and motioned for you to stand up next to her and Rob, just as Jensen turned back your direction, meeting your gaze. Just then he missed a line in the song, but recovered pretty well and kept singing. _That’s it. It’s over before it even starts. He hates me._

It was then that he gave you a smile and a wink that you suddenly calmed down and knew you would be ok up there. You started singing with Briana and Rob, getting more comfortable by the second, as he was making it way into the third verse. You even found yourself singing some of the back up verses that Bri and Rob weren’t, hoping you weren’t stepping out of line by doing that. You really were surprised at how easily you took to being back on a stage, and found yourself…enjoying it? Hindsight was always twenty-twenty, wishing that you and Bri would have come out sooner. However, the amount of time that you were out here was good for a ‘getting back on the horse’ experience.

The song was drawing to a close, Jensen finishing it off perfectly, letting the crowd cheer and clap. He came over, shook Rob’s hand, gave Bri a quick hug and coyly laced his hand with the one at your side and pulled you close and kissed your cheek, pulling you then into a hug. Of course blushing something fierce, not believing that he just did that in front of all of those people, but knowing you could play it off as the nerves of the whole ordeal.

Just as Briana was walking with you off stage, Jensen starting to follow, when you heard Rob ask him to stay on stage. You weren’t sure why, but you stopped and looked behind you, right at him, and he got a sly smile on his face. _Uh oh, I have a feeling I’m going to regret this…_

“Sure Robby, but only if I can have one of my new friends join me,” turning back to look at you, “Y/N?” 

_No. He can’t be doing this._ But there he was, looking at you with an open hand, waiting. You couldn’t let him down, not in front of everyone. Talk about a test of confidence. Jensen came over, smiling that perfect smile. 

Jensen put his hands on your arms, “Y/N. I have complete faith in you that you can do this, you have an amazing voice, and you’ll be fine. I won’t let anything happen,” he said, feeling the warmth from his hand through your coat. “Ok,” Was all you could manage. He brought you over to Rob, who asked you what you were comfortable singing on such a short notice. 

Turning back to see Briana standing at the back of the stage, and thinking about what Jensen just said to you not twenty seconds ago, you told him, “ _‘Have a Little Faith In Me’_ , Briana’s cover.” Jensen and Rob both agreed, both of them knowing it and Rob calling out Jason to help play. You knew it was a slower song than the crowd probably wanted right now, but in all fairness, Rob did ask what you would be comfortable with, and this was it. 

Briana’s cover was made into a duet, which would work for you and Jensen, as well as the message in the song. You were always better at using music and lyrics to get feelings across better than actually speaking them. 

As the band got settled, Jensen started introducing you and the song that you’d be singing. “Ok guys, we have something special. I’ve asked,” he said with a chuckle, “my friend Y/N here, to help me sing this next song. Now, it is going to be a little slower than what we just did, but this is her first time in front of such a big crowd and she’s a little nervous, so be nice to her and give her a warm welcome to our family.” After he finished, the crowd went wild. The time it took to finish _‘Brother’_ to the music starting for _‘Have a Little Faith in Me’_ seemed like an eternity, when in reality, it was only about a minute and a half, which wasn’t bad for something happening on the fly. 

Jensen was looking at you, able to tell that you were nervous, actually damn near panicking. Still holding your hand, he leaned in and whispered in your ear “Just look at me, forget everyone else. It’s just us and the music, and you can hold my hand the entire time if you want to.” You nodded, since you couldn’t do much else. It was when you heard Jensen start singing, still holding your hand, his eyes on you, that you started to feel like you could do this.

_When the road gets dark_   
_And you can no longer see_   
_Just let my love throw a spark_   
_And have a little faith in me_

You could listen to that man sing anything, and you would be perfectly happy. Giving your hand a light squeeze, as if to ask if you were ready, you shook your head and started singing. Quiet on the first few words, until you got past some of the nerves. Looking at him the entire time, knowing that these words held a little more weight than what some people were probably thinking. You could sense though that he knew what the song meant to you, and what you were saying.

 _And when the tears you cry_  
 _Are all you can believe_  
 _Just give these loving arms a try_   
_And have a little faith in me_

By the second verse you were feeling ok, still in shock about what was happening. You were singing with Jensen, and enjoying it. After the initial shock of what was happening had passed, you got back to that point of being comfortable on the stage again, realizing that you really did miss this. 

The last few lines of the song, you and Jensen went back and forth, seemingly perfect for never having sung together before and for not having planned this. That was a hard thing to pull off, and here you were, doing it.

_And_   
_Have a little faith in me_   
_Have a little faith in me_   
_Have a little faith in me_   
_Have a little faith in me_

The song ended with you finishing the last line, and when you did the crowd was mind-blowingly loud. You had never heard anything like that before. The realization of what just took place came back again, and a tear slipped down your cheek. Not because you were upset, but just because of the amount of emotion you were feeling.

Jensen reached his hand up, using his thumb to wipe away the tear, giving you the biggest smile you thought you had ever seen come from him. He slid his hand back around your shoulders and another one around your back, pulling you in for a hug, a soul comforting, warm hug, which you were more than happy to reciprocate.

It took you a split second to realize that he was whispering in your ear again, “That was perfect. You were perfect, and I am so proud of you…and I’m sorry for this…” He pulled back, leaving you with a confused look on your face at the exact moment that his hand came back and cupped your cheek, as his soft lips landed on yours. You couldn’t believe this was all happening. Normally you did not do well in situations of being over-stimulated, but the only thing you could focus on was Jensen kissing you. It was perfect, slow, much like the one that afternoon, nothing crazy that you wouldn’t want 800 people seeing. He pulled away, looking you in the eye, for some type of reaction. The biggest smile crossed your face and all you gave him was “You’re forgiven” with a laugh. 

The two of you headed off the stage as Rob and Jason did a couple of their songs. The second you were behind the curtain you rushed over to Briana and practically tackled her in a hug. Kim and Jared and anyone else that was in the green room with you guys when you came back in were all congratulating you on what an amazing performance that was. Jared had gone over to Jensen, but you weren’t paying attention to anything that was going on.

You heard the commotion and were slowly starting to comprehend what did in fact just take place, but you weren’t moving from Briana. Jensen was just standing there smiling at the two of you, talking to Jared, Briana looking at him with a smile to match. She didn’t let you go for at least another minute, knowing how you were with situations like this. 

After a moment she spoke softly, “Sweetie, you ok?”. You nodded into her shoulder, she pulled away smiling at you, “Y/N, I am so unbelievably proud of you.” You managed to finally formulate a thought, “Bri, thank you so much. You know I would never do this in a million years on my own. Thank you for that push, and for getting me back out there.” She smiled at you, knowing everything you had been through since college, “Of course sweetie, you know I’m always going to be here for you. I think someone wants to talk to you now,” she said, as she nodded towards Jensen. You looked over your shoulder towards Jensen, who was still talking with Jared, a smile returning to both of your faces when your eyes met.

Finally back to reality of what just occurred, a couple people congratulated you again, and this time you acknowledged and thanked them. Jared walked over first, pulling you, rather almost lifting you, into a hug suddenly making you seem so small. “Y/N, that was incredible! You guys were so good together out there.” You pulled out of the hug, “Thank you Jared. That means a lot.” He smiled sweetly, “And Y/N, don’t be afraid to let him in, he’s not going anywhere. And before you panic, no, no one has talked to me about anything. I can do a fairly decent job at reading people. That, and I used to be a lot like you,” Jared finished, smiling at you and patting you on the shoulder and walking back towards the group. 

Jensen walked over, wrapping his arm around your waist, talking quietly, “I hope this is ok?” You looked up at him, those piecing green eyes going right into your soul, the freckles covering his nose more apparent now, you replied simply, “It’s more than ok.” Giving him a big smile, you went up on your toes to give him a hug as he kissed your cheek. 

“What do you say we get out of here, go get you that drink you said you’d let me buy you?” 

“I say that sounds like an excellent idea.” You said, your smile still in place.


	10. The Show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Jensen's POV from the previous chapter.

Jared and I were sitting and hanging out in the green room during the concert, shooting the shit, having a drink; talking about the events of the day, lunch, the kiss and even dinner. I didn’t tell him about the scars that I saw on her arms during lunch. Even though Jared and I talked about everything, I couldn’t do that to Y/N, not until I knew she was comfortable talking to me first. 

We saw Y/N walking over without Briana, and I watched as she took a seat in one of the chairs next to the couch Jared and I were on thinking to myself that there was more than enough room, a little sad that she didn’t share the space. As Y/N sat, Briana came over with a couple of drinks and handed one to her, “One whiskey coke, light on the coke,” she stated. 

Y/N took a generous drink, like she was nervous about something, needed the alcohol to help relax her a little. _Wow, whiskey coke, my kind of girl. I hope Y/N is ok though, she seems nervous, but she knows all of us back here. Would it be too much to go over and try to talk to her? I don’t want to add to the stress, if that’s the case._

“Earth to Jen…hellooo…”, Jared waved his hand in my face bringing me back to reality. “Yeah, I totally agree with that,” I said, hoping that was an acceptable answer. Jared chuckled, “Yeah buddy, whatever you say.” We couldn’t continue the conversation further since Rob announced my cue to go out on stage, still having no idea what I was singing tonight. “Well I guess that’s my cue, wish me luck,” chancing a wink towards Y/N, accidentally making her blush.

The crowd was insanely loud as I got to the stage, making it difficult to hear Rob as he came over to me. “Hey man, so how about a new song tonight?” Rob asked, almost nervous about I would say. Laughing, I nudged him on, “Sure Rob, whatchya thinking?” 

“Do you know the song _‘Brother’_ , Needtobreathe, album version,” he asked. All I had to do was smile, telling him I knew the words. What a coincidence. _There’s no way that Y/N would have been involved in this, Briana maybe, but I’m certainly not upset, it’s been in my head for the last two weeks._

I went and high-fived Billy then started the introduction for the song. “What’s up Vancouver? We are going to be trying something new. I had heard this song before but just recently reintroduced to it by a friend of mine. It’s a great song that I know y’all will enjoy, one that also fits with the basis of our show.”

With that, the music stared playing and all I could think about was that night at the café, listening to Y/N sing this very song. It brought a huge smile to my face. What I would give to listen to her sing again. I started into the song, the words hitting home, thinking about Sam and Dean, and how much everything in the song spoke directly to the show. 

As I was in the second chorus, the crowd started cheering, which is when I saw Briana coming out to help Rob with backup vocals. I gave her a smile and kept singing, only to realize a second later that Y/N was out there with her. I smiled and winked at her, since that’s all I could do while in the middle of singing, but dropped the line I was on, trying to recover as quickly as possible. We continued the song, noticing at one point that Y/N sang some of the vocals that Bri and Rob weren’t. _She’s getting comfortable, that’s good!_ Suddenly excited by the thought.

The song came to a close, and I thanked everyone on stage, even giving Y/N a quick kiss on the cheek and a hug. We were filing off the stage when I heard Rob pull a classic move, “Hey Jensen, how about one more song?” eliciting more applause from the crowd, and giving me a half-cocked idea. _God I hope Y/N doesn’t hate me for what I’m about to do._ “Sure Robby, but only if I can have one of my new friends join me,” turning to Y/N hoping that I didn’t just scare her off. 

After some convincing, I walked her over to Rob who was a little surprised, but after working countless conventions with us, he was pretty much used to anything that was thrown at him. “Hey Y/N! Singing with us tonight, huh?” 

“Uhh, yeah, I guess I am, which I totally wasn’t expecting so I’m kind of freaking out here,” she started rambling, I didn’t want her to hate what was about to happen and thankfully Rob stepped in, “Well, that being the case, we can play anything that you’re comfortable singing, sound good?” She smiled timidly, thinking for a quick second, “ _’Have a Little Faith in Me’_ , Briana’s cover, is that ok?” I looked to Rob in agreement and he pulled Jason out to help. 

The music was starting and I could tell she was having a hard time keeping it together. I gently pulled her to me, “Y/N, just look at me, forget everyone else; It’s just us and the music, and you can hold my hand the entire time if you want to,” getting a small nod out of her. 

The first verse was nearing its end and I had to make sure she was still with me, so I gently squeezed her hand. She smiled, and started singing, surprising me and probably everyone in the room. Her voice was that of an angel, scared, but so sweet. I could tell the longer she was up there the more comfortable she was getting, more power coming out behind the words. _I can’t help but wonder if this song means a little more than everyone sees?_

Y/N and I sang in perfect sync with each other, something that can sometimes be difficult when two people have never performed together; but she was good. I could listen to her for hours, and wished that I got the chance sometime. The song was ending, Y/N finishing the last line and the crowd went absolutely wild, I’ve never seen them go this crazy for any one of us cast members; there was something special about Y/N, and I loved seeing that energy around her. 

A tear slipped down Y/N’s cheek, but she wasn’t sad, she was smiling, I’m sure the emotions were overwhelming her. I reached up and wiped it away, needing to hug her, which she welcomed. I spoke quietly in her ear, a miracle she heard it over the noise, “That was perfect. You were perfect, and I am so proud of you…and I’m sorry for this…” I pulled back and touched her cheek softly, placing a gentle kiss on her lips. It was only a couple of small kisses; I didn’t want to over do it in front of so many people. When I pulled away, I was nervous. _Oh God, this is it. She hates me. I shouldn’t have crossed that line, not in front of all of these people…_ She spoke, almost cutting off my thoughts, “You’re forgiven,” with the biggest smile I have seen on her face all weekend, the kind of smile that was showing in her eyes as well.

I took her hand and we go backstage and she no sooner bolts over to Briana and engulfs her in a hug. I couldn’t do anything but stand there and relish in the sight. Jared came over to give his job well done bit, “Dude, that was amazing, both songs, but especially the second. I would have never have guessed Y/N to go from corner café stage to a room full of screaming fans in two weeks. She must really like you,” he quipped, giving me a pat on the back. I laughed, when I saw Y/N turn towards me, she started walking over, only to get stopped by Jared. I couldn’t quite hear what was exchanged, but it looked comforting to her, which I’m sure she needed right now. 

When she reached me, I slid my arm around her waist, “What do you say we get out of here, go get you that drink you said you’d let me buy?”

“I say that sounds like an excellent idea,” Y/N responded, her beautiful smile still on her face.


	11. The Bar

Leaving the green room and walking towards the lobby, you and Jensen ran into a few fans that had been at the concert. Seeing them rush over excitedly alarmed you and you started to tense up. Without thinking you took Jensen’s arm quickly, while trying not to make it obvious that you were panicked. Jensen looked down at you and smiled, bringing his face close to yours, “It’s ok, they’re harmless fans, just a quick hello and we’ll be out of here,” he whispered. 

“Jensen! Y/N! That was such a great performance!” One girl exclaimed. Another one with her piped in, “Y/N, you have such an amazing voice!” Taken aback a little by the attention, you managed to smile at them, responding with a quiet, “Thank you, that really means a lot.” Other than people you knew; Briana, parents, Jonathan and your various theater and singing teachers, you never got compliments on your singing. 

The girls left and you felt Jensen’s arm move from yours and wrap around your shoulders, giving them a little squeeze. “See, harmless,” he laughed. “Yeah, I guess so. I’ve just never had anyone do anything like that for me. Not even after shows in college,” you explained. 

The two of you stepped out into the cool night air, thankful for the jacket you had on, and opted for walking to the bar that Jensen had in mind. You figured the cool air would help relax you a little, before you were sitting alone with Jensen; you made it through lunch just fine, so this couldn’t be much different. _Right?_

As you walked, you could feel the warmth coming off of Jensen, which helped with the night air to calm you. Before you could realize what you were doing, you leaned in to Jensen’s side, and even shocking yourself by wrapping your arm around his waist. _How is it that this guy can make me so nervous and so comfortable at the same time?_ Jensen gazed down at you, “You ok?” he asked, with what seemed to be a look of concern on his face. 

“I’m great. Still reeling about what happened tonight, all of today really, but the concert especially. Thank you for that.” 

“For what?” Jensen, suddenly confused, asked. “I thought you’d be mad at me for bringing you out for that second song without talking to you first. I figured any shot I had with you was out the window at that point,” he continued. 

You took a moment to choose your words, unaware that Jensen noticed the pause. “I haven’t been on a stage before the open mic night, since college. I was, and still am, very much out of practice, and have had other things come up over the years that have just aided in keeping me off the stage while also raising my anxiety. But I enjoyed myself tonight, a lot, and I’m glad that you and Briana got me back up there. That’s the condensed version of a very long and exhausting story,” you explained, with a small, nervous laugh, hoping that lightened the mood of the conversation a little. “Also, you didn’t ruin any chance between us, don’t worry,” glancing up and giving him a warm smile. 

Seeming like he was taking it all in for a second, Jensen finally spoke, breaking the newly formed silence between the two of you. “Well, if you ever need anyone to tell your story to, or just to talk, please know that I am always here for you, for anything. Don’t ever hesitate to call me, please.”

\---

You reached the bar, walking to the back corner where the bar wrapped around, hung your coats on the wall next to you and took a seat on the stools. Looking over at you as the bartender walked up Jensen asked, “What would you like to drink tonight? Beer? Wine?” You smiled then turned to the bartender, “Shot of Jack and a Jack and Coke, please,” you asked. 

Jensen’s eyes went wide, “Wow, you really are my kind of girl,” he marveled. Turning his gaze to the bartender, “I’ll have what she’s having.”

A few minutes later the bartender came back with the two shots and two glasses. You each picked up the shot glasses and tossed them back as you closed your eyes, the amber liquid warming you from the inside. Opening your eyes, they settled on the green ones you’ve come to know so well, that were trained on you. “What?” Your eyes widening a little, trying to figure out if you said or did something wrong. A smile had settled on Jensen’s mouth, the corner of it hitching up slightly. 

Jensen gave out a small airy laugh at your reaction. “Nothing. You just…you amaze me, Y/N. I know between Briana and I, we both kind of pushed you up there tonight, but you held yourself well and absolutely killed it. I can’t say enough how proud I am of you for doing that. Your strength and your trust in her, and me I hope, is remarkable."

Now, all that being said, I had no idea that Briana was going to bring you out with her. I just knew that I didn’t want you leaving after the first song. So, I am sorry for that, but not for anything else that happened afterward,” he paused, “including that kiss…in front of all those people.” He kept his eyes focused on you, while lacing his fingers with yours.

You welcomed his grasp on your hand; you loved it every time he had his hand somewhere on you, letting you know that he was there. “Briana has known me for sometime now, and could tell, before I could apparently, that I could go out and do that. She asked me to trust her and I did. I always do. Ever since I met you after that open mic night at the café, there was something about you telling me that I could trust you as well, which is weird for me, because I’m not like that with too many people,” you told him, as he sat there listening to your every word. 

Hesitantly, you continued, “I just hope I’m never wrong about that,” looking at your lap, “I’ve had a lot happen in the past and have a hard time opening up about it. However, I think it’s time though that I let someone in, someone that I trust. It might take me some time to do that, but if you’re ok with sticking around, I’d like to try.”

Jensen just lifted the hand that was entwined with yours to his mouth, placing a single, gentle kiss on the back of your hand. He leaned into you a little bit more, close enough for you to hear him whisper, “I will never give you a reason to ever be wrong, you have my word. I will stay as long as you’ll let me.” That simple statement pulled a smile from your face and warmed your heart, while you knew every word of it to be true.

You felt a tear run down your cheek, _great, this again_ , realizing it only after it fell. Jensen released your hand that he was holding to wipe the tear away with his thumb, cupping your cheek with the rest of his hand which you leaned into and closed your eyes. “No need to cry Y/N, what’s wrong?” He searched your now open eyes, with a look of worry in his. “N-Nothing. Just…relieved, like a weight or something has been lifted off my shoulders, I forgot what it’s felt like; it’s been so long. I’m fine. I promise,” you replied, giving Jensen a reassuring smile.

It could have been the atmosphere, the emotions, the whiskey or a combination of all of the above. And maybe the dark green eyes set ever so intently on you, or the warm hand still on your cheek, or the closeness between the two of you. You felt Jensen slowly move his hand down your cheek and start to wrap around the back of your neck, only this time you didn’t tense up; you knew you had no reason to. 

His lips found yours, gently and almost unsure. You could tell that he wasn’t going to rush it, or you; you reveled in this for a moment. Betting that it was the whiskey helping you, you kissed him one more time before sliding your tongue out and running it along his bottom lip. He slowly parted his lips, letting you inside, both of your tongues dancing around one another; when you heard a small moan escape Jensen’s lips and you pulled away with a shy smile. 

“Sorry,” you said, leaning your forehead on his, looking into his eyes, your cheeks flushed. Jensen cupped your cheek again, pulling the two of you apart, moving to brush a strand of hair out of your face. “You never have anything to be sorry for with me.” He kept rubbing your cheek, looking at you all over, something dark, lustful, in his eyes. “I’m sorry because I never do anything like this. We’ve only just met and here we are, practically making out in the back corner of a bar,” laughing, mostly to let him know that you weren’t completely bothered by the fact. 

“Well, I can’t say that I’m upset with what just happened, it was an incredible kiss, but please don’t feel like we have to do anything, we can go slow, ok? I’m ok with slow. I just want you to be comfortable,” Jensen assured you.

Jensen moved the conversation to other topics, turning the both of you into each other. “So,” taking a drink of his Jack and Coke, “Tell me about yourself, your story. Where you’re from, family, school and such. Are you from Vancouver?” Getting almost nervous to ask, he kept going, “I hope I’m not stepping out of line for saying anything, but you don’t really have the same…articulation with how you speak than other natives around here.” All you could do was let out a laugh, just because of how adorable he was being with skirting the question. 

“You’re right, sort of,” you started. “I’m from Edmonton, but my brother and I spent the majority of our youth in Colorado with our aunt. My dad was moving around a lot from being in the Army and my mom followed him, but she didn’t want me to keep us moving and changing schools and friends. So she sent us down to live with our aunt, primary through graduation, so that we would have a steady 12 years, same friends and same place. Have a normal childhood of sorts. Well, 14 for me, my brother was two years older.”

 _Was. Past tense._ Hanging on to every word, storing it away, memorizing everything coming out of your mouth, he got caught up on the word ‘was’. One tiny, three letter word held so much weight. He couldn’t ask yet. 

“Hm. So how did you end up in Vancouver?” he asked, still very much interested in what you had to tell. You continued, “Well, after graduation, I moved back to Edmonton to go to MacEwan University for theater, which is where I met Briana. Obviously fell into a quick friendship, doing everything together, performed in almost every school production together." 

We decided to move out here and get serious about acting, both getting guest spots in various shows for a while. Acting was a perfect fit for her; she was such a natural at it. I on the other hand, couldn’t hang on as well. I always hated the stage, but somehow made it through college, probably definitely, because Briana was with me. After we were out on our own, anxiety started getting the better of me, jobs got harder, and so I eventually just stopped acting." 

I stuck around Vancouver, turned all of that nervous energy into baking which had always been a hobby of mine, I had started baking with my aunt as a child. I was already working at the café, and eventually stepped in as the pastry chef and have loved every minute of it. Now most of my anxiety is when something doesn’t bake right,” you finished, letting out a nervous laugh. “I am talking way too much,” you said, locking eyes with Jensen. They were so bright, despite the dark atmosphere of the bar. “Never, I love hearing about what makes you, you,” he mused, the corner of his mouth turning up again. 

You didn’t know when, but Jensen had gone back to holding your hand. It was only then, in the sudden silence, that you realized his thumb was rubbing circles at the base of your thumb. Looking down, you saw that where his thumb was circling, was the same spot that you scarred a while ago, his gaze following yours. “What happened here?” You got quiet, not that the answer was all that scary, but you didn’t know how many he was going to ask about tonight. “Sugar burn, they’re kind of a bitch. Worse than your run of the mill burn from an oven.” You managed to sound nonchalant about it. 

His other hand ghosted over your arm that was resting on the bar, his fingers finding their way to another one on your arm. Your eyes following the movements of his hand, and his finger ran around another burn on your forearm. It was newer, maybe a couple months old; healed, but still red, not white and faded like the others. “Here? Looks a little ‘Mark of Cain’ to me,” making both of you chuckle. You actually had to think about it for a second, it was minor so you didn’t commit the event to memory. “It wasn’t anything that drastic. I was pulling something out of the oven, nicked my arm with the hot tray. Nothing major,” shrugging off the incident. 

“Nothing major?” He looked right at you, a comical yet serious look on his face, concerned, but not worried. You snickered, “Eh, hazards of the job.” 

He went one step further; your eyes followed his hand, silently fearing where it would stop. “This one?” Your breath caught the same time your body froze. _He could have picked almost any other scar, hell, even the ones on my wrist, why this one…why this tangled mess of scarred skin…_

“Y/N?” He sounded so far away, muted. “Y/N…look at me,” he coaxed your chin up with his hand. “Sorry,” you said, rather mouthed, not really sure how audible it was. “It’s ok, you don’t have to answer. Slow, remember? I meant that about everything,” he said, placing a kiss to your forehead. 

\---

The two of you sat there for another hour, finishing your drinks and talking about his family and siblings, Texas, even antics of the set. Jensen was running his hand up and down your arm, thigh and back, almost as if he needed to be in constant contact with you. You kept looking at him, just to see what was now a part of your life, and you loved every bit of what you saw, both inside and out. 

Jensen looked down at his watch, “Oh wow, I didn’t realize how late it was. It’s almost 1:30 in the morning.” 

“You have your panel in the morning too. I guess we should get going so you can get to bed,” you told him, knowing it was going to be a rough morning for the both of you. Jensen threw down a few bills to cover the drinks and taking his hand that he held out to you, he guided you out of the bar. The temperature had dropped considerably since you had gotten there a couple hours ago, Jensen’s arm going right around your shoulders, yours around his waist, walking back to the hotel. 

You made the trip up to your room, like the two of you had done before, stopping at your door. Jensen brushed a strand of hair out of your face, seeming to linger on the end of your braid that was resting on your shoulder. He moved his hand slowly, across your shoulder, behind your neck, pulling you gently albeit a little more firmly than the other kisses. Your lips met, kissing gently but fervently, your hand slowly moving behind his neck, running your fingers through his hair. 

Jensen pulled away from you, your eyes still closed; you exhaled slowly, opening them. Brushing your cheek one more time as he spoke, “Get some sleep, I’ll see you bright and early,” placing a kiss on your forehead, “Goodnight beautiful.” 

“G’night,” you said, giving him one last smile before you broke apart and went quietly into your room.

You changed quickly and quietly, not even bothering with your make up, and got into bed next to Briana. Despite your efforts of not moving the bed too much so that you didn’t wake Bri, she rolled over after feeling you lay down. “So, how was the rest of your night sweetie?” she said, her smile noticeable even in the dark. “Amazing. More than I could have ever dreamed. Bri…I…I think I may be falling in love…is that bad? It’s so soon. I shouldn’t be.” You had to stop and remind yourself to breath. “No sweetie, not at all. I’m glad you found each other. You’ll both do each other some good. But for now, sleep, you have an early morning,” Briana whispered as she played with the end of your braid, seconds before you were pulled into one of the best nights sleep you had in a long time.


	12. The Panel

The next morning you awoke surprisingly easy, 30 minutes before your alarm, which was rare for you on a day off, let alone after a late night. _Knowing that I’m seeing Jensen today has **nothing** to do with it I’m sure…_ With your extra time, you decided to go down to the hotel gym and run a few miles, get the heart rate going, sweat a little; that was always a good way to start the day. You changed your sleep shorts and tank for some leggings and a fitted lightweight hoodie, grabbed your headphones and went downstairs. 

By the time you reached the gym, you had already put your headphones in, blaring some AC/DC, not paying attention to anyone or anything going on around you. Once on the treadmill, situated and running, you tried to shut off your mind for the duration. Running on a treadmill was more or less a last result for you, preferring the outdoors to stationary running. But, given the time constraint today, the ungodly hour on a day off and the weather, here you were, staring at the same spot that was out the window across from you. 

The sound of your alarm that you decided to set before you started your run pulled you back to the reality of the hotel gym. You didn’t realize it, but you had been going for almost 25 minutes at a fairly steady pace, usually changing it to whatever song was playing. You shut the machine off, hopped down and grabbed one of the towels provided to wipe your face a little, as you started walking out the door. _That wasn’t too bad. Now I’m ready to start the…_

“Oof!” You exclaimed as you nearly fell on your butt after running into a solid wall of muscle, but being caught by two very strong hands that steadied you and kept that from happening. It took you a second to register what just happened, and when you figured it out, you looked up to see whom it was that you collided with. “Oh my god, Jensen! I’m so sorry!” You instantly regretted not washing your face last night, and now mixed with the sweat, you were definitely a hot mess. 

All Jensen could do was stand there and smile, that all too genuine, gorgeous smile, letting a small chuckle escape his lips. “It’s ok, it’s not the worse way to start my day. I finished up my workout and saw you finishing up your run and was coming over to say good morning,” he leaned down and kissed your cheek and took your hand in his. “Ugh, Jen, I’m sweaty and gross, at least let me take a shower first,” you whined, still enjoying the fact that he did that. He just responded with a smirk and something in his eye, you couldn’t quite decide what it was. “You look perfect, as always.” 

The two of you were making your way to your rooms, hand in hand, exchanging the general pleasantries. “Ready for your panel this morning?” you asked him. “Yeah, Jar and I have a lot of fun at these, despite the early hours of the gold panel. And speaking of early, we still have another…” checking his watch, “hour and a half before we need to be there, want to grab coffee before?” 

“Sure, I’ll just need to shower and change….wait…we?” You were at your door by now, but you were suddenly stock still at the realization of what Jensen said. He laughed a little. “Yeah, we, if that’s ok? I figured you could come hang out with us; the gold panel is only a half hour, not long at all. And there’s always someone in the green room to hang out with. Jar and I have our autographs and photo ops after that throughout the afternoon, and then the last panel,” Jensen finally took a breath, but hoping he made good work of trying to convince you to come along for the day. 

“Are you’re sure no one will mind? I’m not exactly with the show.” You questioned him nervously. “No one. They all love you, and if anyone has an issue with it, we’ll tell them you’re with me, in every sense of the phrase,” Jensen answered expectantly. Your face was suddenly redder than it was from the run. “Ok then, I guess I’ll go get ready,” stepping up on your toes to give him a kiss on the lips, slow, meaningful, but not anything to distract the two of you form your newly made plans. “Give me 25 minutes?” you asked. 

“Perfect.” 

You had the shower as hot as you could stand, washing off the morning run while also trying to relax you before the day ahead. Your conversation with Kim and Briana had been brief; they left you to get ready while they went to grab some breakfast before their day started. After your shower you rifled through your bag for a change of clothes, when your eyes fell on a certain blue shirt. _I’m a nobody here, no one will notice, and I don’t have to talk about it…_ you thought as you put on the safe and familiar flannel and rolled the sleeves up. You finished off the outfit with simple make up, a messy bun, jeans and converse; this outfit being a staple of your wardrobe. 

Just as you stepped outside the door, you saw Jensen walking down the hall, simply dressed as well; jeans, boots, long sleeve and a coat. “I’m a fan of the shirt,” Jensen said with a chuckle. “Yeah…I was kind of nervous to wear it, I’ve noticed that a lot of the convention goers have chosen that as their…outfit of choice. But, it…” you trailed off, barely getting all of that out without sounding nervous. Jensen cut you off before you had to think of what to tell him, “It’s fine. I love it on you.” He wrapped his arm around your waist, kissing the top of your head. 

“Coffee? Despite the workout, I could definitely use the caffeine.”  
“Mm. Agreed.” You responded. 

With your coffees in hand, you made your way to the green room, still having a little time before the panel started. That gave the two of you time to sit and talk until Jared got there. 

“Hey, Y/N! How was the rest of your guys’ night?” he questioned, looking between the two of you. Jensen and yourself shared a look, having a silent conversation. Your eyes settled back on Jared, “It was good, really good,” a smile a mile wide was spread on your face. Jared chucked, “Good. You ready Jen?” 

You realized then that the guys on stage had started playing, which was the cue for Jensen and Jared to go out there. “Have fun!” You told Jensen, getting a kiss in response, followed by one of his winks and heart stopping smiles before he walked through the curtain.

The crowd, of course, went crazy for them; you couldn’t blame them, they were pretty amazing. Rob and Rich introduced the guys, not that they needed it, and then joined you, when Jared started with, “Hi guys!”. You could sit and watch them all day; the chemistry between the two of them and how they interacted with the fans was incredible. They had stories for days, ones that left you with tears streaming down your face from the hilarity of them, but they were also genuine and serious when fans would tell them how much the show, character stories or even actors’ stories helped them with their own lives. _I can’t believe that I actually get to see this first hand._

They started in on the questions, some of them being ones they normally get at cons; favorite story from set, favorite prank, favorite character line and so on. The next fan got up to ask their question. 

“Hi, my name is Hailey.” She started, quietly.

“Jared, Jensen” Jared smarted off, pointing between the two of them, eliciting laughs from the crowd. _Always a classic._ You couldn’t help yourself by letting out a laugh.

Hailey laughed, “So, my question is for Jensen. First, I really enjoyed your and Y/N’s performance last night at the concert.”

A huge smile settled on Jensen’s face, as well as yours you realized. He shyly gave her a warm “Thank you.” 

“So, can you tell us how you met Y/N?” she asked nervously, almost afraid that he wouldn’t answer it. He let out a laugh, Jared giving his ‘story time’ face and a big smile. Watching on the monitor in the green room, you could see from there the twinkle he got in his eye at the question, which in turn made you smile, yourself thinking back to that night. 

“Well, let’s say I was a huge dork when it came to meeting Y/N,” drawing a laugh from the crowd, Jared piping in with an “It’s true, I was there!”, only to be met with a scoff from Jensen. “But seriously, it wasn’t my finest moment, but one that I’m really glad happened.” 

Jared started in again, “So get this, Briana, Kim, Jen and I walk into a café…”

“First of all, that sounds like the set up to a really bad joke…” Jensen cut in, only getting an exaggerated shrug from Jared. He continued, “It’s true, it does. So Briana invited us to an open mic night a few weeks back, where Y/N happened to be performing. She also happened to do an acoustic version of ‘Brother’, which let me tell you, after the first word, I was done for.” 

There was a collective ‘aw’ from the crowd while your smile was still sitting on your lips, Jared gave Jensen a sappy puppy dog face, Jensen smiling ear to ear. “And can I tell y’all a secret…”, Jensen waited until the crowd quieted down, “…she bakes.” You let out a laugh at that one, along with Rob and Richard. “You bake? Really?” Rob and Rich both asked you, damn near in unison. 

You looked at them surprised. “Uhh…yes?” Stifling a laugh, “I’m a pastry chef, stop by the café sometime.”

They looked at each other and then back to you with Rich continuing, “Can you uh…bring cookies sometime?” both of them with big dopey grins on their faces. “Sure guys,” you said with a laugh. “Sweet!” they said, this time in unison, resulting in a face palm from you over their unintended pun.

You heard Jensen and Jared still on the subject of your meeting each other. “Really? That’s the secret?” Jared questioned, looking squarely at Jensen, his expression saying there was more to be said. “I mean…the lesser sappy part of the secret…?” Jensen replied. Now it was Jensen’s turn to give an exaggerated shrug. “Go on,” coaxed Jared with about ninety percent of the crowd. 

“Ok, ok, ok. She really is a baker, I wasn’t lying about that,” the smile on his face so bright. _What could he possibly say after this? There’s nothing secret to tell about me…or us?_ “Y’all know that author…uhh…you know, romantic guy…Mandy Moore was in the movie?” Jensen asked, mainly to the audience. “Nicholas Sparks!” the fans answered back. “Yeah! That guy. Well, that night at the café, when Y/N came over to our table after she was done, that was our meet cute, our Nicolas Sparks movie moment. The entire café faded away as soon as she smiled at me, I knew right then that she was something special.”

All you could do was stare at the monitor. “Y/N…?” You couldn’t tell whether it was Rob or Rich who talked, all you could think about was that night, the moment that he just told eight hundred people about. _Ohmygod. He felt the same thing I did?_ “Y/N??” It was Rob. “Hmm?” you absently replied, eyes still glued to the screen, not entirely sure if your heart was still beating or if you were even breathing.

You jumped at the feeling of a hand on your shoulder. “Hey, Y/N, it’s ok, it’s just me,” Rob said softly. “You ok? We need to go out and wrap up their panel,” you finally managed to tear your eyes away from the screen. “I’m fine. Perfectly fine,” a smile finding its way to your lips. 

The guys went out to play the song signaling the last question while Jared went out to the crowd to find the lucky lady. After the question and all of the antics that generally come with the last question, Rob, Rich and the rest of the band played the guys off the stage. You took that as your cue to stand up to make your way to where they would be coming in, being greeted by Jensen and Jared laughing at something, not sure what the subject was. 

As soon as Jensen’s eyes fell on you, he could sense that your demeanor had changed, despite the smile that was still settled on your lips. Jensen walked over to you, rested a hand on your hip and cupped your cheek with the other, “Y/N, what is it?” All you could do was look into his eyes, those bright emerald gems, right into his soul. “I’m happy. For the first time in a really long time, I’m happy. I mean I feel it deep down in my heart. And I…I…am about to sound ridiculously sappy.” 

Jensen kept his gaze on you, waiting for you to finish. “I felt it too, that ‘Nicolas Sparks’ moment you talked about, that night in the café. I thought I was crazy, that it was just post performing adrenaline or being star struck. But, now I realize that I wasn’t crazy.” You were rambling, giving in to your nervous habit, but before you could keep going, Jensen had cut you off with a kiss. A kiss so deep and passionate, it actually took your breath away. 

Given the fact that you were standing in the green room, which wasn’t exactly private, neither of you let the kiss get too out of hand. Jared gave a friendly cough, to announce that he was still standing there, “Uhh guys, we _are_ standing in a hotel, with rooms, that each of you have,” clearly trying not to laugh. “Shut up Jar,” you and Jensen said in unison, still not breaking his gaze. “I’m happy too, Y/N.”


	13. Dinner and a Movie

The rest of the afternoon was filled with the cast doing their photo ops and autographs. You told Jensen that you’d be back down later, that you were going to go for a walk and pack up your things. 

Heading back up to the room, you tidied up, made sure you had everything ready for checking out later and grabbed a coat. You didn’t walk far, just to the park that the two of you had gone to after lunch yesterday. There was a bench near the park’s center, an open plaza area, with kids playing and people strolling through enjoying their Sunday afternoon. Sitting, you took a deep breath of the fresh air, felt the warm but slightly chilled air against your cheek, closed your eyes and relished in the moment. 

Not sure what triggered it, you were suddenly back in the Parque in Cuenca, sitting on a bench looking at a similar scene. You were looking around, not really looking for anyone in particular, but not fully settled about the idea of being there. _I know I shouldn’t be here, just out in the open like this. I just couldn’t handle the hotel room anymore. Not with…_ You didn’t know why, but your fight or flight senses were starting to become overwhelmed when you heard the honking of a car, sounding like it was going to run into in the middle of the parque. Startling you, you opened your eyes with an audible gasp, realizing that it was just a child on a bike honking the horn. _These are never going to stop are they?_

Feeling your phone vibrate in your pocket, you pulled it out to see a text from Jensen. 

_Meet me at the photo ops booth?_

_**Be right there, 10 minutes?** _

_:)_

The convention now officially over, you didn’t have to go through as many people as there were earlier in the day, most of them in their rooms packing or already gone. When you met Jensen, you were also met by the rest of the cast in attendance. “Hey, so we can usually sneak in a few cast ops at the end, if Chris is feeling up to it,” Jensen said, arm automatically going around your waist. “Oh, ok, well I don’t mind waiting for you,” pointing towards the corner out of the way. “No, I want you in some of these, our first convention needs to be documented.” _Ugh, that smile, that is going to be the death of me._

You took a few with Kim, Briana, Ruth and Rachel while the guys got there’s. Chris called everyone in for a couple quick shots of the group, somehow you and Jensen had ended up in the middle; your arm around his waist and his arm around your shoulder. Chris took a couple pictures, at which point you and Jensen looked at each other. It was the Sparks moment all over again; everything around you seemed to fade away. He leaned down to stead a quick kiss from you; despite the quick and simple nature of the kiss, you still melted from it.

It wasn’t until there was a collective ‘Aww!’ from everyone, and a ‘Guys! We’ve been over this already – room!’ from Jared, that the two of you broke apart and realized that every single one of them had left the frame, leaving you and Jensen standing there. “How did they manage that?” You looked around, confused, then back to Jensen, who just let out a hearty laugh. “Your guess is as good as mine, especially since Chris and Briana are both here.”

“Ok! I think I got a few good ones!” Chris said to everyone, giving you and Jensen an obvious wink. “I’ll get these all out to you soon! See you guys at the next convention!” Everyone clapped and hugged, said their goodbyes and went their separate ways. The cast was granted a few extra days from filming, so Jared decided to fly down to Texas for the remainder of his weekend to be with Gen and the kids. “Hey, next time I’ll bring them up here so you can meet them, they’d all love you!” he told you before leaving, telling everyone goodbye. The four of you walked back up to your rooms to grab your things, you being thankful that you were already packed. 

“Give me 30 minutes I’ll be packed and we can head out,” Briana told you. You tried to keep it from being obvious that you were already sad having to leave Jensen, but of course they all noticed. “You know what? My bag is already packed, I can take her home,” Jensen offered. Bri and Kim gave their classic smiles, you hugged them both, promised to text in the next few days and told them to come by the café for some pastries. With that, you were Jensen’s car on the way to your apartment.

It wasn’t a far drive at peak travel time, so getting home on a Sunday evening was a breeze. There wasn’t much time for a decent conversation, between the short travel time and you giving Jensen directions. You did ask him what he had planned for the weekend, with his extra days off, replying that he didn’t really have anything going on. Nothing but the usual chores around the house, maybe grab a coffee at some point over the time off; giving you a sideways glance at the statement.

“Would you want to come up and have some dinner? I was just going to make some spaghetti, nothing fancy, maybe watch a movie,” you asked. “Sure, I’d love to,” he replied as the two of you got out of the car with him grabbing your bag and you leading the way up the stairs. _So glad I tidied up the apartment and bought a few groceries before I left this weekend._

You walked in first, turning on lights as you went, “Make yourself at home. Kitchen, bathroom, living room…” you pointed as you went. You shrugged out of your coat and hung it up, while also taking Jensen’s and putting them in the coat closet. “Would you like anything to drink? Water, beer, whiskey, coke…” you started listing off beverages. “Hm. Whiskey, neat?” You smiled sweetly and went to the kitchen to pour your drinks. 

Handing him one you pointed to the living room. “Feel free to relax, you can search through Netflix and find a movie while I start dinner.” 

“Any requests? _‘It’_? _‘Silence of the Lambs’_? _‘My Bloody Valentine’_?” He said the last one with a chuckle. 

“How about nothing that will add to the already frequent nightmares?” You said, rolling your eyes at his suggestion to the movie he was in, only to realize what actually came out of your mouth. _Damn it._

Seeing he was already trying to form a question in response to what you just said, you cut him off. “How about something along the lines of _‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off’_ , _‘The Breakfast Club’_ …I don’t know, some cult classic…that’s not horror. And no clowns!” You added at the end. 

“Ok, Sam.” Jensen said laughing; turning to the living room while you got dinner ready. You made quick work of getting the sauce started, thanking your few years in restaurants and banquets before the café for being able to cook up a quick meal if you needed to. 

As you were slicing up some of the vegetables for the sauce, you saw Jensen look over the back of the couch when he opened the Netflix app on the TV, the cursor of course highlighting the last show you watched. “So…Sam or Dean?” Looking up at him while trying to figure out why he’d be talking about their characters, you realized the show in question. “Do you really want to watch your own show Jen? Do you even do that?” You asked, steering the conversation away from the first question, and willing the flush in your face to go away. 

“Eh, I watch occasionally, but I can pick something else,” and with that he was scrolling through some of the classics. Giving the sauce time to simmer and the pasta to cook, you went to the living room, Jensen seeming to have settled on a movie, but not starting it yet. “Do you mind if I go change? I’m kind of over the jeans thing,” you asked, leaning against the couch. “Not at all, it is your apartment after all.” You came back in leggings, a tank and another of the lightweight hoodies that you had worn at the gym that morning. 

“Dinner is ready, do you want another drink?” You asked him. “Sure, it smells amazing in here! You made this from scratch? Just now?” Jensen asked, inhaling deeply at the smell of the sauce as he walked in the kitchen. You chuckled, “Yep. It helps that it’s one of my favorite things to make, as well has having some professional kitchen experience, the prep goes quickly.” You got out your favorite set of pasta bowls and dished each of you a serving, refilled your drinks and got silverware. 

“I’m usually all for eating on the couch while watching TV, but can we sit at the table, then move when we’re done? Spaghetti isn’t the most graceful thing to eat on the couch.” You asked him, feeling weird for asking that and trying to hide it with a laugh, even though you knew you didn’t have to feel that way with him anymore. He laughed, happily obliging. 

Jensen took his first few bites and let out a groan, “Oh my god, Y/N, this is amazing! It’s so simple, but so amazing.” All you could do was sit there and give a small laugh. “Thank you, you should see what I can cook when I actually put effort and a little planning into it.” Finishing another bite, Jensen said, “Well, how about dinner at my place next time?” Twirling your next bite around your fork as if you had to give any thought to the invitation, “Sounds great.”

You had started the movie before eating, talking occasionally. When you finished, you gathered up the plates, and stuck the leftovers in the fridge, making sure the kitchen was at least halfway cleaned up so you wouldn’t have to deal with it in the morning. 

“So Y/N, do you have to work tomorrow?” Jensen asked, leaning against the counter while you finished up, not letting him help you. “I don’t, I decided to take tomorrow off, my assistant can handle everything. Honestly, I think I need a day to just chill and recover from this weekend. It was a fantastic weekend; don’t get me wrong, but somewhat exhausting. How do you do this so often?” He smiled, looking down for a moment. “Eh, you get used to it eventually. It helps when it’s fun.”

You debated for a moment as to if you wanted another drink. _It’s not like anything will happen. It’s just dinner and a movie and a few drinks. We’re both adults. Seriously Y/N, relax._ “Refill?” You asked, reaching for the bottle. “Sure.” You paused for the quickest of moments when you looked in his eyes, not sure what you were seeing, the only word coming to mind; promise. 

The two of you settled on the couch, the movie still playing in the background. Jensen’s arm was around you as you laid into his side, thoroughly enjoying the warmth coming from him as well as his hand rubbing your arm and shoulder. Your glasses had long since been set on the coffee table in front of the couch and through the course of the movie, you had shifted down so that your head was in his lap and his arm on your side tangled with yours. The weight of his arm on you and his warmth, mixed with the whiskey, lulled into sleep.

The end credits started and Jensen noticed that you were sleeping, trying to nudge you awake enough to get you to bed. “Y/N…sweetheart,” he coaxed, brushing his hand along your head, but you weren’t waking up enough to walk on your own. “Ok, let’s get you in bed,” he whispered close to you, scooping you up off the couch You could hear him, but you just couldn’t wake up, nuzzling into him as he carried you to your bedroom.

He laid you down gently, pulling the covers up over you and kissing your head. “G’night Y/N. I’ll let myself out,” he whispered, rubbing his hand over your head where his lips just were. Jensen started to turn to go when you stirred, “Jen?” He turned back around, not really sure how awake you were, “Yeah sweetheart?” walking back into the room. 

“Stay.”


	14. Sleepover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jensen's POV

I can’t lie and say I wasn’t thrilled when Y/N invited me in for dinner after driving her home; anything to get to spend a little more time together, and actually be alone without having to be anywhere. She lived in a cute little area in Kitsilano, one of the areas I liked to drive through. When we got to her apartment, I grabbed her bag and we headed inside while I tried to contain my excitement for this spur of the moment evening. 

Stepping into her apartment I was pleasantly surprised, it was nice and warm and inviting, and fit Y/N perfectly. It was an open floor concept, the kitchen and living room only separated by the placement of the island and couch. She had a lot of neutral colors, greys and whites, with a few colored accents. Anyone could tell that she was a chef of some sort, being that her kitchen looked like that of a restaurant. Metal shelving lined with baking equipment, measuring cups, mixing bowls and scales. There was even one of those hanging pot and pan holders over the island. Containers lined the counter of different ingredients and dry food items; neatly organized and labeled. 

After Y/N took my jacket and poured me a drink and said that I could pick the movie. She wasn’t a fan of the ones I had suggested, mentioning something about adding to the already frequent nightmares. _So that is what I heard the other morning._ But before I could ask, she suggested an 80s cult classic, which I couldn’t agree with. I went to the living room to pick out a movie, as I made my way there I stopped and looked at the photos that lined her walls, only able to guess at who the people in them were. There were a few obvious ones of her and Briana, a couple from their college days in theater. _Are they dressed up as Rizzo and Frenchie?_ I chuckled to myself at that one. I saw a few others with an older couple, the man in a dress uniform, guessing that they were her parents. 

My eyes fell on another, Y/N and a guy that couldn’t have been more than a couple years older. It looked to be from her college graduation, she was in a cap and gown, both of them with big smiles on their faces, like they had been laughing about something right before. _This must be her brother._ There were a few more of her family all together and a few more of just her and her brother. After looking over the photos, I grabbed the remote and switched on Netflix. 

I had to laugh at myself when I saw that _‘Supernatural’,/i > was her last watched show. “So…Sam or Dean?” I asked over the back of the couch with a laugh, but she steered me away from that question, with an obvious blush in her cheeks. _It’s so adorable when she blushes like that._ _

_I settled on _‘Back to the Future’_ just as Y/N came out and leaned on the couch. “Do you mind if I go change? I’m kind of over the jeans thing,” she asked me. “Not at all.” She came out a few minutes later in leggings and another of the hoodies she was running in this morning. _It’s almost as if her whole demeanor has changed, now that she’s home and comfortable. I love seeing this side of her._ She brought me out of my thoughts when she said that dinner was ready. _

_Spaghetti. It’s such a simple thing, but what Y/N made was absolute perfection. I couldn’t help the groan that escaped when I took the first bite, it was just so delicious. After basically saying that she could cook a better meal with more planning, I invited her over for dinner the next time, which she happily agreed to._

_After we finished, she cleaned up the dishes and kitchen, not letting me help despite the numerous offers I gave her. She poured us another drink and we went back to the couch to watch the rest of the movie. She curled into me as I wrapped my arm around her, welcoming her warmth and touch. We finished our drinks and I put our glasses on the coffee table with Y/N shifting down to lay her head in my lap._

_My arm was on her side next to hers and I could feel her breathing start to slow, as she no doubt was falling asleep on me. I didn’t dare move or try to wake her, she looked so peaceful, so I let the movie keep playing. The credits started, at which point I tried to gently wake her, to no avail. “Y/N…sweetheart,” I whispered, quickly realizing that I was going to have to move her to bed. I gently picked her up, loving how she felt so close to me; I walked into her room and laid her down, pulling the thick comforter over her. I kissed her on her head, so as to not wake her, telling her that I would let myself out. _I don’t want to leave her, she looks so calm and relaxed, and I wish I could stay. But I don’t want to scare her by being too forward.__

_I started to leave her room when I heard her stir, “Jen?” I turned back and walked over to her, “Yeah sweetheart?” I asked quietly, not really sure how awake she was. Eyes still closed, and seemingly completely asleep, all she said was, “Stay”. It was dark, and she was asleep, so I didn’t have to hide the smile that made its way to my lips. “Of course. I’ll be back in a minute.”_

_I left her to go lock the door, turn off the lights and the TV, grabbing a glass of water to put on her nightstand. As I went back to her room, I quietly took my jeans and socks off and climbed in bed. I wasn’t sure how close she’d let me be to her as I scooted toward the middle of the bed; I felt her move closer to me until her back was right up against my chest, fitting so naturally. I wrapped my arm around her waist holding her as close as I could, my face in the crook of her neck. I kissed her shoulder, able to smell her faint perfume, whispered goodnight one more time and drifted off to sleep._

_\---_

_I was woken up from Y/N stirring about in my arms. Still in the same position that we had fallen asleep in, I fully woke up when I realized that she was struggling trying to get away from me, only to notice that her eyes were still closed. _Oh no, she’s having a nightmare. I don’t want to startle her if I wake her up suddenly, but I don’t want her to stay wherever she thinks she is._ It was a split second before I let my hold on her go, trying to wake her gently. _

_“Shhh….Y/N. Y/N, sweetheart…open your eyes.” I tried over and over. She was making noises, almost as if she was trying to talk, and tears started forming. Trying one more time to coax her out of her sleep, a little firmer this time, “Y/N, you’re dreaming, wake up baby.” All of a sudden she shot up with what was a mix of a gasp and a scream, while trying to catch her breath. She seemed confused at first, staring at me with wide, tear filled eyes, assuming because I had been in bed with her. _Maybe she doesn’t remember asking me to stay?__

_Both of us sitting up at this point, I took her hand in one of mine and wiped the hair off of her forehead with the other, noticing the thin layer of sweat. “Are you ok, Y/N?” I asked quietly, afraid of scaring her. All she could manage was to shake her head yes, looking down at her lap. “You’re warm, do you want to change into a different shirt to help you cool down?” I asked her. All I got in response was another nod as she took off the sweatshirt to leave her in the tank top that was underneath._

_It seemed she had finally realized what had happened although the tears had been falling since waking up, letting out a defeated sounding sigh. Y/N started to lie back down so I followed suit, waiting to see if she wanted space or not. I threw the comforter down and just pulling up the sheet to try to help her cool off. I was relieved when she chose to curl back into me, facing me this time, but heartbroken when she kept crying gently._

_Barely audible, I heard her mumble, “It was so terrifying. I was so scared. Jen, I didn’t know what to do.” She clutched to my shirt, as if to make sure she knew I was still there, a real thing. All I could do was rub her back and her head, trying to calm her, repeating that it would be ok, without having any real way to help her. Out of nowhere, I started singing Jason's cover of _‘Stand By Me’_ quietly; so quietly in fact that I wondered if she could even hear it. _

__If the sky that we look upon_   
_Should tumble and fall_   
_And the mountain should crumble to the sea_   
_I won't cry, I won't cry_   
_No I won't shed a tear_   
_Just as long as you stand, stand by me_ _

_I could only hope that it would help Y/N relax, relief washing over me when it seemed to calm her. I could feel the crying stop and her breathing slow once again. I drifted off shortly after; keeping my arms around her not wanting to ever let her go._


	15. Monday Monday

Waking up before Y/N, I decided to run downstairs and get a change of clothes out of the car and make her breakfast. I didn’t want to wake her up since she had such a fitful night of sleep, hoping she would still sleep for another hour or so, seeing as it was only six o’clock. I could only hope she would talk about it; she had to talk about it, it wasn’t good for her to keep it inside. I hated seeing her like that, but I also didn’t want to pry. I wanted her to open up to me, or anyone for that matter, when she felt ready. 

I started breakfast, nothing extravagant, eggs, bacon, toast and coffee; something warm to wake up to. It didn’t take long to finish, so I poured a cup of coffee and leaned against the counter, getting lost in the warm aroma of the roast. _What if she didn’t remember asking me to stay? She seemed so startled when she saw me. Was it because of that, or that she had a nightmare in front of me? What is it that has her so scared? There were little things about her I wanted to ask. Did I see a tattoo on her arm? I want to know about the chain that I’ve noticed she always has on. And the scars. I know some of them are from her job, but the others…something happened…_

Y/N was quiet when she came out into the kitchen that I didn’t hear her. I didn’t even notice until she slipped into my arms, laying her head on my chest. I set the coffee down and wrapped her in a hug kissing the top of her head. “Morning, sweetheart.” As I wrapped her in my arms I couldn’t help but notice that she was still wearing her tank top. _Hm. I wonder if I can take this as her being comfortable with me, not feeling like she has to hide the scars…?_

“Morning,” Y/N said meagerly. I held her until she was ready to talk. “You made breakfast. And you changed. You didn’t have to cook you know.”

“I know. But I wanted to. And I didn’t know what you’d think of me if I wore the same thing two days in a row” I said with a chuckle. She pulled away enough to look up at me, I gave her a gentle smile, brushing away stray hairs from the messy bun that her hair was pulled into, then ran my fingers along her cheek and jaw. Her eyes were sad, still slightly red and swollen from crying in the middle of the night, it looked almost like she was ready to start crying again. “Thank you,” she said quietly, her voice still rough from sleep and crying. 

“You’re welcome.”

She paused, trying to find the words. “Not just for breakfast, for everything. For being here last night for one. And singing me to sleep, that really helped,” she said timidly. 

“I’m glad it helped.” I saw this as my one opportunity to ask and not have it be awkward. “Y/N do you…um…do you remember asking me to stay last night? I don’t want you to think that I was trying to take advantage or anything. But you asked me after I put you in bed, then when you woke up it just seemed like you were surprised that I was there…” I trailed off, trying to keep myself from rambling on. _Shut up, J._

Y/N was fidgeting slightly; I let her work through whatever was going on in her mind, when she finally continued. “I remember, well, for the most part. I have to admit I didn’t think I said it out loud,” she explained, looking down and blushing slightly. “So when I…woke up…and saw you, it took me a minute to realize that I must have actually said it.” _Well there’s one answer to my long list of questions. It’s a start._

I moved my hand down her arm, taking her hand in mine, rubbing circles on the back of it with my thumb. Almost nervous about asking it, but knowing I had to, just to be sure, “You’re ok that I stayed?”

Her e/c eyes gazed into mine, still sad, but a glimmer of hope behind them. “Absolutely,” she said, smiling at me, faltering ever so slightly she went on. “I’m sorry about last night…about how I…acted. It’s embarrassing and I don’t even know where to begin to explain it. Or if I’m even ready to explain it.”

Placing both of my hands on her cheeks, I looked at her for a moment and kissed her on the forehead. “Y/N, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You don’t have to explain anything if you don’t want to, and especially if you’re not ready. And you certainly don’t have anything to be sorry for. But just know that if, hopefully when, you’re ready, you know you can come to me. I just want you to be ok and feel safe and comfortable. Seeing you like this, like last night, does it bother me? Of course, it breaks my heart, knowing that something is going on that I can’t help you with. But it’s never going to scare me off or make me leave.”

Y/N looked at me, deep into me, for a moment. I was beginning to wonder if I overstepped and misspoke. “I…” _Here it is, she’s about to tell me off and kick me out._ “I…” _Oh god Y/N, fast and painless, I can take it, if it’s really what you want._ “I love you, Jensen.” _Just…huh?_

_Bring it back Jen._   
_Brain to mouth._  
 _Speak._  
 _Do something._

I kissed her. Like I would never get another chance. Like this was it. I felt her arms wrap around my waist and up my back, like she was trying to pull me further into her. It was like we were picking up right where we had ended at the bar. Our lips searching each other; her lips parting in invitation, our tongues dancing around one another just as they had the other night. 

My lips caught the moan that escaped from her. I moved to place gentle kisses along her jaw, down her neck right in that sweet spot, her breathing getting shorter. I kept moving further to her collarbone along to her shoulder, my hands on her waist now. I turned us so that she was against the counter. Y/N’s arms were around my neck with her fingers moving to the nape, running them through my hair. _Such a weak spot…_

I kept kissing her wherever I could, not wanting to stop. I made my way back to her neck, placing slow, wet kisses along the way. _Her skin actually tastes sweet, how is that even possible._ I inhaled deeply at the base of her neck, smelling that same faint, sweet perfume I had last night. I couldn’t help myself from lightly nipping at her neck, playfully of course; I couldn’t control the quiet moan that slipped past my lips, much like the whimper that came from Y/N. _No, we can’t do this. Not yet. Ugh, I need to stop this, but we both want it, dammit…_

Ending the debate that I was having with myself, out of good conscious, I pulled away, groaning at making good choices. “Y/N. We shouldn’t. I _really_ want to, but we shouldn’t.” I felt Y/N’s hands curl into fists behind my neck, not out of anger, but out of self-control. 

“Dammit. I know,” she all but whined, understanding the feeling completely. A short laugh from me, “You read my mind.”

I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and my lips rested on the crown of her head pulling her to me, her arms around my waist and her head on my chest. I let out an exasperated sigh against her hair, not being able to say anything else. 

“It’s ok Jensen, really,” giving a small laugh. 

“I know, but-” I started, getting cut off. 

“No, don’t be sorry. We _should_ probably wait more than three and a half days,” she finished. She looked up at me with those sweet e/c eyes, eyes that I could so easily get lost in. I kissed her on her forehead one more time. 

“So…breakfast?” I asked, with a playful smile. “Yes please, I’m starving,” Y/N said, laughing. 

I held her for another moment, just enjoying her touch. “Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“I love you too.”


	16. Talk to Me

Jensen dished up breakfast and set the plates on the table while you got the silverware and drinks. “Wow, Jen, this is good,” you said, finishing off a piece of bacon. Jensen just laughed, “It’s just eggs and bacon, nothing fancy.” “I know, but I don’t have a proper breakfast all that often,” you replied, taking a bite of eggs. The two of you continued to eat in a comfortable silence. 

You broke the quiet first, “So what did you have planned for today?” Jensen shrugged, “I don’t know, didn’t really plan anything. You?” You let out a laugh, “Well, I haven’t planned anything either. Maybe have a lazy day, little Netflix, maybe a nap.” “Hm, well, would you like some company today for all of your non-plans?” Jensen asked. “Sure, I’d really like that.” 

The two of you finished up breakfast, and you changed, albeit into different lounging clothes, which just meant another pair of leggings and a t-shirt. You spent the next few of hours curled up on the couch watching TV, stealing kisses from each other every now and then and cuddling into him. You had even managed to get an episode of Supernatural in, Jensen telling you all the behind the scenes mishaps and shenanigans that happened. “The stories! Can we please have a marathon sometime?” You asked between laughing. “Maybe not a marathon, but sure,” Jensen quipped. 

“Hey, let’s go for a walk, enjoy the air, maybe get some lunch?” you asked, looking up at him.

Jensen kissed you on your forehead, “Sure.”

\---

The two of you walked around your neighborhood hand in hand for a while, with no real destination in mind. It was the kind of walk that neither one of you were leading the other, which lead you to a little playground and park area. “Hey Jen,” you started, “Do you think we could sit and talk for a minute?” “Absolutely,” he replied, squeezing your hand. 

You found a park bench and sat down, pulling one leg under you so your knee was up and you were facing Jensen. “So, I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to say, how much I’m going to tell, or how much sense it’s going to make. I just need to talk. I’m sure you’ll have questions, especially after last night, but I can’t guarantee that I will answer them all today. But I will one day. I promise.” 

“I’m good at listening,” he started, putting his hand on the knee that was up, “Just say what ever you’re comfortable with, I’m here.” He finished, giving your knee a squeeze and smiling kindly. You took a deep breath before starting, still not entirely sure where to start. 

“So, I’ve been through some stuff. I told you some of it at the bar the other night, anxiety, a small bit about my family, a little about the scars. There’s so much more and I’m scared that you’ll hate me for it.” You felt Jensen squeeze your knee at hearing that. 

“I have…had…a brother, Jonathan. He died last year in Ecuador. I told you that he was two years older than me, he was always protective of me, typical older brother,” you chuckled at the memory. “But I was just as protective of him as his younger sister. He was a doctor, pediatrician specifically. He had been on a number of trips to other countries, helping where he was needed. He had been in Ecuador for eight months following an earthquake that was there.” 

You had to stop, you were doing surprisingly well, but you were quickly approaching that edge of losing it. Looking at Jensen, he just gave you a look of reassurance, telling you that you didn’t have to say anything you didn’t want to. 

“I’m not sure how, but he got caught up in some trouble, or it could have been a ‘wrong-place-wrong-time’ kind of thing. The area he was in wasn’t that great, you know, cops and lawyers are all dirty and you can’t trust anyone. He called me one day...” _Keep it together Y/N, you’re fine. You can talk about this. It’s Jensen. He needs to know you, and this is you._

“Jonathan said that he was in some trouble, and he didn’t quite know how it was going to turn out, like he knew how it would end but was trying to put on a brave face for me. He wouldn’t tell me anything, other than he loved me and to keep my head up, take care of mom and dad and to do good. I told him he was an idiot and that it was supposed to be ‘do well’, but he always insisted that it was ‘do good’. That was our thing, I always corrected him on it, and it took me years to understand what he was telling me. 

“I felt so helpless being up here while he was 7,200 kilometers away.” You laughed to yourself. “Sorry, um…4,500 miles. Too damn far is what it was. I told him I could come help him, but he said no; it was too dangerous. Well, the little sister protective side took over and I spent a chunk of my savings on a ticket.” 

You looked up at Jensen, not realizing that you had started crying until the tears running down your cheeks fell on your hands. “It was horrible. I should have listened to him, Jen, I shouldn’t have gone. But I couldn’t leave Jonathan there alone.” You were crying hard at this point, having a hard time controlling your breathing which was starting to scare you.

“Hey, Y/N, we don’t have to do this all right now. Take it slow, continue when you’re ready,” Jensen tried, seeing that you were quickly losing it. He pulled you onto his lap, your head on his shoulder and he took one of your hands and held it on his chest. “Breathe, Y/N. Breathe with me.” You understood what he was trying to tell you to do, so you tried to do it. It took a few minutes, but you were calm, although still crying softly. Jensen kissed the top of your head, “Sweetheart, I don’t want you to do this if it’s too hard on you.” 

“I know. But it’s been long enough, I’ve kept it inside too long.” You said quietly between hiccups of air. “I want to tell you more. I feel like I’ve been hiding this past…10 months. I want to tell you about the scars,” you had started crying a little harder again, but not to the extent that you had been. “There’s so much I want to tell you, I just don’t know how. I just want it all to go away. I’ve seen things, and I see them every night when I go to bed, I don’t know how to get them to go away.”

Jensen pulled you back into his chest, still sitting on his lap. He was rubbing your back and just holding you. He let you cry it out; let you release some of the pent up emotion that you had been carrying around. “Sweetheart, do you want me to stay tonight? I don’t mind. Maybe you can have a restful night tonight?” he said quietly. You nodded into his shoulder, you couldn’t talk yet, maybe you could, but you didn’t trust your voice; you thought for sure that once you started talking again, you’d start all of this over. _This is so exhausting._

“You hungry?” Jensen asked, feeling another nod into his shoulder from you. “Let’s grab some food. Chinese? Then go back to your apartment and I can tell you all the funny business of any episodes you want to watch. Sound good?” he tried to coax you. 

“Any episodes with Charlie? Except her last episode that she...you know,” you asked him. “She’s my favorite.” Not being able to help the laugh that left you. 

“She is, huh? You sure about that?” Sounding playful, which made you smile. “Well then, let’s go grab some food and head back.” He held your chin up to look at him, wiping your tear stained cheeks off with the bandana he took from his back pocket. “You did good sweetheart,” kissing your forehead and hugging you, “I’m proud of you.”

\---

It had been a couple weeks since the Vancouver convention. Jensen came by the café his first day back to set so that he could get coffee, making it a habit every day that the two of you worked. There were some mornings that he had such an early call time that the café wouldn’t even be open yet; but you let him in to give him his coffee. It was a sweet little routine the two of you made. He was away this weekend at a convention in Tucson, so you were missing your morning coffee dates.

_**Hey sweetheart, how are you doing today?** _

_I’m ok, busy with work. What’s up? You never did tell him why you had been working so much._

_**Well, Chris just emailed me a few photos from the convention. Just wanted to show them to you before they went out. I must say, I’m quite a fan of them. ;)** _

You waited for him to send the photos, dreading how awful and out of place you were sure you looked there. When they loaded and you clicked to enlarge them, you were shocked at what you saw. There was one of the two of you at dinner before the concert that Saturday, laughing about something in conversation with Bri and Jared; realizing that you obviously didn’t notice Chris there that night. The next one was of you and Jensen singing at the concert, your hand in his, eyes locked on each other. You could see the feeling and emotion in the picture. The last one he had sent was one you never even realized had happened. Sometime in the Chris and Briana magic that was the end of convention photos with the cast, there was one of the two of you looking at each other. To anyone else it would just look like the split second that the camera grabbed that moment in time, but what you didn’t know at the time was that every. single. person. in the frame was looking at the two of you smiling or giving lovey-dovey looks. Well, everyone except for Jared, who just had his face squished up in a look of mock disgust. You could almost hear him saying something about you two getting a room. _He’s such a weirdo._ But you had to laugh out loud to yourself. 

_OMG. Jen, these are amazing. I love them!_

_**Me too. He has more coming; I’ll let you know when they’re ready.** _

_Thanks babe. I’m really missing you by the way. :(_

_**Are you ok? I fly in Sunday late afternoon, I can stop by after I get in if you want me to.** _

_I’m ok, only if you’re up to it. I know you’ve been super busy lately and probably want to just relax._

_**Well of course, but it’s always more relaxing being with you. And besides, I’m off Monday, so I don’t have to be anywhere.** _

_Perfect. I can take that Monday off too. It’s a date._

_**Haha. Sounds good. I need to go out for our panel now. Love you baby.** _

_Love you too_

\---

Jensen was home for a couple weeks after being in Tucson. It had been nice having him back in Vancouver, stopping in for his morning coffee before work, staying over more often and you even staying a few nights here and there at his place. You noticed that your sleep had actually gotten better having him there, which was a really nice feeling; you had forgotten what good sleep was like. 

_Well this sucks._ “Y/N? Are you listening?” Jensen asked you a few nights after getting back. You had been listening, but you didn’t want to hear it, because he was just saying that he had to be gone again. The two of you were sitting on the couch at his house watching TV when he had told you that they had to go do their European tour in just over a week. You grumbled, “Yeah, I’m listening,” you said, not really trying to make it sound as childish and pathetic as it came out. “I’m sorry Jen, I’m not mad, I just…I don’t know,” you said before burying your head in his side.

“It’s ok Y/N, I get it, the convention schedule sucks sometimes but we’re almost done. Then we have a few months off that we can do whatever we want. How does that sound?” He asked you, running his fingers through your loose hair. You nodded into him, making a mental note that you would have to figure out the schedule for the café, knowing they would be fine without you for a while once he was back. 

The time you had left before their tour flew by, between the two of you working and him getting ready to be gone for three weeks. The weeks had been long since you weren’t able to spend time together. Of course the two of you called, texted and Face Timed, but it just wasn’t the same as being together. He made sure to call every night, despite what he had going on or the time differences, he had even called you during a panel one night, just to make sure the two of you talked. 

As the days went on, sleep got worse. You were ok for about the first week of Jensen being gone, but it was downhill from there. Briana was with them, so you didn’t have her to call to hang out with either. _Yep, this tour still sucks, I can’t wait until he’s home at the end of the week. It’s almost…ugh. I just don’t want to be alone._


	17. Home

You had kept busy at the café, giving your assistant some vacation days, just for the shear purpose that you didn’t want to be home alone, and staying at the café working gave you something to do. It was exhausting, working all of those hours, early mornings mixed with bad sleep, but you didn’t know what else you to do. Your arms were getting worse you noticed, probably due to the stress that you were inadvertently causing yourself by working so much. However, things were still manageable so you pushed the thought of it down, knowing that forgetting about it was just a temporary, and somewhat dangerous, solution.

Friday night finally came and you were lying on the couch watching _Supernatural_ , since you couldn’t have the real Jensen with you. It obviously wasn’t as good as the real deal, you know, being a fictional character stuck in a TV. But being able to at least see and hear the voice of Dean Winchester was better than nothing, if not somewhat calming. You heard your phone buzz on the table in front of you, not realizing the hour. 

_**Hey baby, I know you’re sleeping, but I just wanted to let you know that we’re getting on the plane in London. I’ll be home soon. Love you.** _

_Ok. Have a safe flight. Can’t wait to see you. I really miss you Jen._

_**Sweetheart, you should be sleeping, what’s up?** _

_Eh. Sleep has been rough lately. Just come home soon. :(_

_**I’m on my way. Try to get some rest for me and I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.** _

You were a little more relaxed having been able to talk to him, even if it was only for a minute. Focusing back on whatever trouble Sam and Dean were managing to get into this time, you realized that your body was finally succumbing to the tiredness you’d been feeling all day, all week rather. Remembering what happened the last time you slept on the couch, you moved to your bedroom, put on one of Jensen’s shirts that he had left for you, and crawled in bed drifting off to sleep. 

\---

Since you weren’t going in to work the next day you didn’t see a need to set an alarm, hoping your body would let you sleep in a little. _Well, 6:45 is better than my normal 4:15 I suppose._ Dragging yourself out of bed you made a cup of tea and a bowl of cereal for breakfast. In your sleepless nights you had done your week’s chores of cleaning and laundry, so you didn’t really have anything to do today. You decided you were going to try to have a relaxing day and hopefully catch up on some sleep. You watched a few episodes of _The Great British Baking Show_ and then went to take a shower, changing into a new pair of leggings and one of Jensen’s flannels. 

You didn’t take to these kinds of days as easily as you had liked. You constantly had the feeling that there was always something to be doing, cleaning, or even that you should be at work. It was usually hard for you to just sit and do nothing. It was only two in the afternoon; Jensen wouldn’t be back in town until at least six. You hadn’t made plans or anything, didn’t even know if he’d stop by when he got back. Grabbing your coat and throwing on a pair of shoes you decided to go for a walk, hoping the cool air would help relax you. 

It was nice out, chilly but not uncomfortably so; it felt good getting the cool air in your lungs. There was no place specific in mind that you wanted to go, but you soon found yourself at the park that you and Jensen at been to some time ago. Sitting, you realized that you hadn’t really opened up to him since that day. He hadn’t pressed you, which you appreciated, but you were also wondering if maybe you were slowly pushing him away. _Ugh, get out of your head Y/N. You love each other. He understands. But he doesn’t know everything. He needs to know everything, before it gets worse than it already is._

A chill ran down your spine, pulling you out of your thoughts. You headed back to your apartment, ready to curl up on the couch with a blanket. Flipping on Netflix and going back to the episode of _Great British Baking Show_ that you had left off on, you heard your phone buzz again.

_**Hey. How are you doing?** _   
_Meh. How’s the flight?_   
_**It’s good. Watched a movie, took a nap. But you didn’t answer my question sweetheart.** _

You could tell there was concern there; even if it was just a text message. 

_I’m fine. I think I’m just stuck in my head right now…_   
_**Do you want to talk? I still have some time.** _   
_Not really. Is that ok?_   
_**It’s absolutely fine Y/N. I know when you’re ready you will. And I will be here to listen.** _

Shortly after, you fell asleep watching as the bakers rushed around trying to finish their bakes, chuckling to yourself whenever Paul would make the contestants nervous. 

It was a dreamless sleep, for the most part. You realized at some point that you were dreaming of memories, and not having actual dreams. Everything was as if you were looking in on your life, watching everything happen from the sidelines. You saw the time when your aunt and uncle took you and Jonathan camping when you were 8. He was in boy scouts and he showed you how to build a campfire and roast the perfect s’more. 

Then you saw that you were in high school, freshman year, kissing your crush that you had had since grade six, only to see Jonathan walk around the corner. Nothing happened with your crush after that, he was terrified of Jonathan. Looking at it now, you laughed at yourself, seeing how Jonathan pulled the big brother card and scared the boy off, but remembering how you felt in the moment, you were so mad at him. You didn’t talk to him for a week. 

Next, you saw yourself walking across the stage to accept your college diploma, your parents and Jonathan in the crowd cheering loudly. In the next moment it was after the ceremony, all of you outside taking pictures, hugging and laughing. Your mom loved candid photos, snapping away while you and Jonathan talked, laughing about some inside joke, that for the life of you, you couldn’t remember. Suddenly you were sad, sad you couldn’t remember what you were talking about. 

Sad when you saw him leave on all of his global aide trips, as all of the times you dropped him off at the airport flashed by. Just as quick to appear were the memories of picking him up, throwing your arms around his neck and asking about the children. Now you were standing at the airport dropping Jonathan off for yet another aide trip, to Ecuador this time, for whatever reason you were crying when telling him goodbye, but you weren’t sure why, since this trip was like any other. He laughed, telling you he’d call and email. You hugged him and watched him walk through the door…

You felt a nudge on your shoulder, but it had turned dark where you were, the airport fading away into nothing, you couldn’t see anything. You heard your name but you didn’t know where it was coming from. You could feel and hear the nudge and your name again, this time more firm, like it was getting closer. 

“Y/N. Sweetheart,” Jensen said, kneeling in front of you, wiping a tear from your cheek. “Wake up sweetheart, you were dreaming,” he said quietly, running his hand gently over your head. Trying to decipher what was real, you realized, slowly, what was going on. “Jensen?” you managed, sleepily. “I’m here sweetheart.” Not two seconds later were you up with your arms around Jensen’s neck. You didn’t want to, but you were crying gently into his shoulder, trying to hold on to the memories you just left; not exactly the homecoming you were hoping to give him. 

“Shh, it’s ok baby,” You heard him whisper, rubbing your back. He readjusted his position so that he could pick you up and sit down on the couch with you in his lap holding you close. Your tears had slowed after a minute or two, leaving you with small sniffles as you kept your head buried in Jensen’s neck. 

“Do you want to talk about it? What you saw?” He asked quietly, patiently. “Dreaming about Jonathan, was having a hard time letting go of this one,” you whispered; the two of you sitting in silence for a few more minutes. You sat up, wiping your face, “Ugh, Jen, this is not how I wanted to welcome you home. I’m so sorry.” Now you were just embarrassed. Your boyfriend comes home from being on the other side of the world for three weeks, and you’re in tears when you realize he’s there. _Cute, real cute Y/N._


	18. Welcome Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 80% smut. Skip if you'd like.

Jensen grinned, “It’s ok sweetheart, I didn’t need some grand gesture. I just needed you back in my arms; which is exactly what I have. I couldn’t ask for anything more,” one of his perfect smiles on his perfect face. 

You sat back a little, Jensen’s arms still around you, and you looked at him. Really and truly looked at him. Those green eyes that told you that he was always going to be there for you looking right back to you. “I love you,” you whispered, putting a hand gingerly on his cheek. Jensen leaned in to your hand ever so slightly, but enough that you felt the pressure. “I love you too, Y/N,” he breathed. In the next second your lips were on his, kissing him as if your body just realized you had been apart for so long. 

Your kisses became more heated, like you needed them to live, Jensen responding to every single one of them without hesitation, biting and sucking on your bottom lip. Your hand moved from his cheek to the back of his neck, pulling him impossibly closer to you, while one of his hands ran down your back until it go to the hem of the shirt. You felt his hand stop, like he was afraid to touch the skin on your back, but then ever so gently you felt his warm fingers slide under, a tiny whimper escaping you at the touch. 

Jensen slipped his arm from under your knees where he had been holding you, to laying his large hand on your thigh, slowly moving it to your hip, squeezing it when he got there. Feeling both of his warm hands on you, holding you, caressing your body, you could start to feel the heat pooling in your core. You pulled away just far enough to catch the breath that had been lost, eyes still closed and your forehead leaning against his. After a second, you opened your eyes, seeing his had been on you since you broke apart, whispering only one word, “Bedroom.”

Jensen effortlessly, and in one swift movement, picked you up and stood, carrying you to your bedroom. He set you gently on the edge of the bed so that you were sitting up with him moving to stand between your legs. Cupping your face tenderly with both of his hands, he leaned down and kissed you again, softly, almost as if he was setting the pace. You didn’t mind one bit, despite how bad you wanted this right now, you wanted to be able to savor every moment, every inch of his body. 

He moved his fingers away from your cheeks, ghosting down your neck and to the first button on your shirt. He was still giving you slow kisses, your tongues swirling around one another. As he got to the last button, he moved to his kissing along your jaw to your earlobe, nipping at it, leaving kisses on the sweet spot just below your ear, pulling another moan from you. You felt him smiling against your neck, him knowing that he did that to you. Jensen continued, peppering your neck and collarbone with open mouth kisses, until he got to the last button. Bringing his hands up, fingers gliding over the lace of your bra but not stopping there, yet, he pushed your flannel down your arms. His hand stopped just above your left elbow, running his thumb over the tattoo there, looking at you. 

You stood, having been watching his hand on your arm, moving your gaze to him. “Later,” you whispered, placing your hands on his chest and moving them up and over his shoulders to remove the coat he was wearing. He helped with his t-shirt, pulling it up and over his head and letting it drop to the ground. His hands went to your hips, warm fingers rubbing over your skin, squeezing, while you moved your hands down his chest, feeling his warmth, slowly moving to his belt, working to get it unbuckled and his jeans undone. 

You slid your fingers underneath the denim, pulling them down, his hands meeting yours to help. With his jeans and socks on the floor next to your shirts, his hands found your hips again. Your hands trailed back up to the band of his boxers, fingers slipping just underneath, “No,” Jensen said quietly, bringing one hand to yours and his other to your neck, rubbing your cheek with the pad of his thumb. “Tonight is about you, we can do anything you want later, hm?” You nodded, turning your head into his hand to kiss his palm. 

He kissed you, passionately and deeply, before kneeling down in front of you, placing warm kisses along the way to your stomach, only stopping to kiss and nip at the swell of your breasts above the lace. He kissed where the band of your leggings met your belly, sliding his fingers below he fabric. He moved slow, inching down the material, placing kisses where it used to be. At the same time he slid the material over your ass he kissed along the lace of your panties, eliciting a moan from deep inside him. You had to put your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself, since your legs felt like they were going to give out from the delicate touch of his fingers and mouth. Hearing him sound like that only made your desire grow; still pained by the slow pace he was going with taking off your clothes. As he worked his way down your thighs, he placed small kisses, teasing your warmth with how close his mouth was. 

Your breath caught and you felt him smile again, this time against your thigh. Continuing on, he stopped at your knee, tapping his hand behind it silently telling you to lift your leg so he could get your leggings off the rest of the way, doing the same thing to the other side. If you were being honest with yourself, you were really glad you at least wore a matching set despite the laid back attire of the day.

Jensen stood, kissing his way back up while trailing his hands up your legs, over the curve of your ass, up your back and behind your neck, finally meeting your lips with his. His tongue found yours once more, you pressing your scantily clad body against his, feeling the hard outline through his boxers against you. After a few kisses he moved next to your ear and in a hushed tone whispered to you, “Lay down.” 

You did as you were told, moving to the middle of the bed, Jensen climbing in next to you, resting one hand gently on your hip while sitting up on his side with the other. He was slowly running his fingers in circles over your hip moving up and stopping at the dark purple lace of your bra. After trailing his finger along the bottom of the band, he moved his way up, tracing the lacy edge of the cup, following suit on the other, leaving goose bumps in his wake. Along the way he dipped a finger under the lace, still running along the edge. You arched your back into him, purely out of reflex, knowing that his fingers were so close, but frustrated because he wasn’t doing anything yet. Watching his hand as it explored your body, you felt the warmth pool in your belly again. His touch was barely there, but it was doing all sorts of things to you. 

“God, Y/N. You’re beautiful,” he said, bringing his hand up, brushing a strand of hair away from your face, moving his hand to your jaw. You couldn’t help but blush, turning your head away from him into the pillow; no one had ever said anything like that to you before, and you hadn’t exactly felt like that in a while. “No. Y/N, Look at me. I’m serious,” he was running his hand along your arm, not saying anything about the scars that his fingers were finding, even the ones on your body not normally seen because of your clothing. Turning your head back to face Jensen, it took you a moment before you braved looking him in the eyes. “You’re perfect,” he whispered. 

Leaning down, he placed a gentle kiss on your lips, kissing softly, you parted your lips for him. His hand was back on your hip pulling you towards him. Your hands found his chest, fingers roaming the muscle, finding their way to his back. Jensen moved his hand along the lace of your panties, finding your clit and moving down to where you were soaking through the thin material. You moaned into his mouth from his touch. “Oh…Jen,” you breathed. He slid the material to the side, his finger rubbing over your slicked entrance, pulling sweet sounds out of you. 

Jensen moved his hand away, making you whimper at the loss of his touch, but sated when you felt his hand moving behind your back to unhook your bra. You untangled your arms from him just long enough to get rid of the unwanted material, hands finding their way back to his body when it was lost. His hand moved to your now bare chest, lightly kneading one breast while rolling your nipple between his fingers, then moving to the other one and doing the same. Arching your back into him again, he took one nipple in his mouth, circling his tongue around it, biting and then blowing on it, the warm wetness he left now cooling.

He felt you shudder at the temperature change, a whimper escaping your lips. His hand moved back down to your warmth, this time slipping his fingers under the lace band starting to take them off, when he stopped. Another whimper. Jensen sat up, breaking every point of touch that you two had, noticing the disappointment on your face, he chuckled lightly, “It’s ok, just need to get these off.” He tapped the back of your hip, telling you to raise them so he could pull your panties off. While he was sitting back, he took his boxers off, dropping them with the rest of the discarded clothes on the floor. 

Jensen was back next to you, the body heat between the two of you blanketing one another. His finger was on your clit once again, toying with your entrance. “J…please,” you managed, your breathing already getting shallow with just the touching he was doing. He slipped one of his warm fingers inside slowly, pulling a moan from you, your eyes closing. “Fuck, Y/N, you’re so wet,” he whispered to you, pressing his soft lips against your neck. You didn’t know what it was about him saying that, but it made you clench around his finger. 

“You like that, hm?” he asked, not giving you any sort of time to respond before he added a second finger, you cried out from the pleasure. He started moving his hand at a slow pace, making sure you were ok before he started pumping his fingers into you at a slow and steady pace. Your hips started moving with his hand, pushing and pulling with him, one hand behind his back running your fingers up and down, lightly scraping your nails along his skin. You heard Jensen inhale sharply at the action, it clearly doing something for him; it brought a smile to your face, knowing you caused that reaction. 

He nuzzled into your neck, breathing in again, while his fingers still moved at a steady pace inside of you. “Mmm, Y/N, you…” not able to get much more out, he went to kissing your neck, nipping at the pulse point below your ear before moving down to your breasts again. While he had one nipple in his mouth, biting, sucking and blowing gently on it, your free hand was on the other one. You were getting close, Jensen hitting that magic spot inside of you, bringing you closer to the edge. 

“Jen…please. I…I’m close,” you breathed out, not at all able to formulate a coherent sentence. Jensen picked up the pace a little, slow enough to savor this moment with you, seeing you blissed out like this; but quick enough that you could easily find your end if you let yourself have it. You were just as good at that game as he was, you know, delayed gratification and all that. But you wanted it, needed it and needed him. 

“Baby it’s ok. Cum for me…let me feel you,” he whispered in your ear, as if he could read your mind, moving his thumb to your clit. With that one small movement, that was it. You were over the edge riding out one of the best orgasms that you had ever had, the power of it making you see stars behind your closed eyes. It was quite honestly one of the longest orgasms you had ever had, Jensen still moving his fingers slowly, getting you to ride out every possible second of it. 

When he could feel that you were spent, he slowly pulled his fingers from you, moving his hand back to your hip, neither of you caring one bit that you could feel yourself on him. Jensen rolled over slightly, putting a leg between yours, holding himself above you slightly and a look of content on both of your faces. He was watching you, your eyes still closed, body still coming down from the high you were just on, a lazy smile across your lips. 

The feeling of Jensen’s lips on you, anywhere he could, pulled a low moan from your from deep in you, making him chuckle. “How are you doing?” he asked quietly, as if he didn’t want to disturb whatever bit of euphoria you were still in. “Mm hmm,” was all you could manage, words were still too complicated. “And how was that?” He asked smiling against your chest, obviously knowing the answer already. 

You let out a noise that was almost a hummed laugh. From the way Jensen was holding himself over you, you could feel his hard cock resting on your belly, you moved your hand over to him, wrapping your fingers around his warm, hard length. Now it was Jensen’s turn to let out a low moan. His head was back down at your neck, teeth grazing lightly over the skin, rolling his hips into yours. Now that you were finally out of the fog he had put you in, you could enjoy in him getting pleasured. 

You worked your hand slowly, not slow enough to tease him, but not fast enough that it would be painful for him since there wasn’t anything…helping you. You ran your thumb, gently, over the sensitive head, pulling another moan from him. “Hm. You like that?” giving him back the same line he had given to you not too long ago with a smirk on your lips. He moaned his answer as he nodded against your shoulder and rolling his hips into you again, harder this time; apparently forgetting how to speak. A small laugh escaped you as you turned towards his head in your shoulder, in a low whisper you asked, “What do you want?” 

Another thrust from his hips. “Hm mmm. Words, Jay. What do you want?” He looked up, lust blown pupils staring back at you in the dim light of the nightstand lamp, “You.” Your lip pulled up at the corner as you ran your hand through his hair. When your hand reached the back of his neck, you pulled him down to you, capturing his lips with yours. While he kissed you, you felt his hand on your hip squeeze, thrusting his hips into you again and both actions purely out of want. 

With your hand still on his cock, all you said was, “Okay,” he brought his other leg between yours, holding himself a little higher, trying to keep his weight off of you. “Do we…” he started, you shaking your head in response. “I’m ok if you are,” you said, Jensen nodding. In the heat of everything, you hadn’t noticed just how big he was, despite your hand having just been around him. He apparently caught that second of panic that crossed your face, a smile falling on his lips. 

Jensen’s hand was under your shoulder, holding him up and off of you. Noticing your sudden hesitation, his thumb stroked the space he could on your back, getting you to look him in the eyes. “Hey, we’ll take it slow, ok?” you nodding in response. Moving his other hand down, he took the place of your hand, stroking himself a couple times before lining himself up with your entrance. “Are you ok?” he asked you, so full of care and concern. “Mm hmm.” Slowly, he pushed in the first couple of inches, catching both of your breaths. 

He brought his hand to your thigh, moving it up to give him a little more space and a better angle. Pushing in a few more inches he stopped again, bringing his hand up to your cheek. “Y/N…” the question there, even though he didn’t ask it. “Jensen…please…” That was all he needed to thrust in the rest of the way until he was fully inside of you. You cried out at the movement, slamming your eyes shut, needing to take a moment to adjust to his size when he was in. Trying to steady your breathing you opened your eyes again, running your hands along the sides of his torso and along his back. 

“Jen,” 

“Hmm?” 

“Move please.” 

With that, Jensen started pulling out almost all the way, before pushing into you again, setting a steady pace, making sure you were still ok. Things quickly got heated from there, Jensen thrusting in and out of you, kisses on every inch of skin that could be reached and noises coming from the both of you; turning you on even more, if that was even possible. He thrust into you, harder than he had been, pausing for just a moment, as you clenched your walls around him. “Ugh, fuck Y/N…” 

Letting out the little bit of a sly laugh that you could between the panting, you gave him an innocent, “What?” before getting lost in everything that was going on. Jensen was bringing you back to that edge that you had already been at that night, tightening around him again. “Sweetheart, I’m not going to last much longer if you keep doing that…” 

“It’s ok…Jay…I want to feel you,” you got out between breaths. Moving one hand down, your finger finding your clit, you started rubbing small circles around the sensitive bundle of nerves, making your walls tense around him again. “Jen, oh fuck, I’m so close!” 

Meeting his thrusts to push you over the edge into your second orgasm, “Mmm…Fuck!” Jensen thrust into you a few more times before his movements fell out of rhythm and his head was by your neck again, grunting low into your ear, “Y/N, I’m close.” 

“Yes, baby, cum for me,” you whimpered, sure that if this kept going he’d drive you into a third orgasm. Wrapping your legs up above Jensen’s ass, right in the small of his back, you gave him a new angle to thrust into you. Your hands were touching as much skin as you could find over his muscled stomach and back. It was the new position that pushed him over the edge into his orgasm, spilling inside of you. 

Giving yourselves a moment to come down, Jensen gently pulled out of you and rolled over next to you. 

“Hey,” he breathed, brushing stray hairs away from your now sweat sheened face. Giggling, you responded with, ”Welcome home?” Smiling, those sweet emeralds looking back at you, “I’m glad to be home, sweetheart,” he said kissing your forehead, “I’ll be right back,” leaving you to go to the bathroom. He came back a few minutes later with a warm washcloth to help clean you up. 

He crawled back in bed, pulling you close to him, your back to his warm chest, burying his nose in your neck, wrapping his arm around your waist holding you close. Feeling your breathing slow and your body relax, Jensen kissed your shoulder and whispered into your ear, “Goodnight, Y/N. Sweet dreams,” falling asleep with the most amazing girl.


	19. To Texas

After Europe, Briana and the guys had a few press things to do before they were officially on hiatus. You had hired a part time assistant for your assistant, so that you could take a month off, relax, and maybe get yourself back in order. Things were stressful for you, work was fine, Jensen was fine, nothing had happened; per se. But being the type to internalize and keep things to yourself, not asking for help when you needed it, putting everyone before yourself; it really starts to take a toll on a person. Not to mention, the one-year anniversary was coming, fast, and you had no idea how you were going to handle it. 

Jensen invited you down to Austin for a while, putting you there during the aforementioned date. Being around people would be good, keep you busy, keep your mind off things… _right?_ You could only hope. After…he left, you withdrew from the world after flying back from Edmonton once everything was done and dealt with. You didn’t talk to people, took a week off work, barely answered a text from your parents or Briana. You were lucky to leave the house to go buy milk and cereal when you had run out. 

Over the course of the year you had so many moments where you thought to call Jonathan, tell him that funny thing that happened at work, send him a picture of a cake you made for a birthday or wedding or even just sit on Skype and bullshit for an hour, just because you could. But you couldn’t do that anymore. There were no more random texts or emails, crazy Snapchat conversations or late night phone calls because one of you couldn’t sleep. 

“Hey sweetheart, you all-“ Jensen cut himself off when he saw you, walking over and cupping your cheek and wiping a stray tear away. “What’s going on?” 

You smiled up at him, sitting at his dining room table, you smiled the realest smile you could muster and answered, “Just thinking about Jonathan, I’m fine. Promise.” 

Looking at you like he wasn’t fully convinced, but not wanting to press, he took what he could get. “Ok. Well, I’m just about packed, you ready to go?” 

“Yep, suitcase and backpack are by the door,” you said, pointing towards it. 

“Good, Cliff should be here in twenty minutes, and then we’ll head to the airport.”

\---  
The two of you, well three including Cliff, were all going down to Austin for bit over their hiatus. You had never been to Texas and you were going to finally meet Jared’s family, which you were excited about; being able to meet the kids that he was always gushing over. 

Getting through the airport was surprisingly easy, thinking it was mostly from having Cliff with you. The three of you made it through security and to the gate in record time, leaving enough time for a drink at the bar in the concourse. It was just about a four-hour flight, which wasn’t bad by any means, but you were still incredibly thankful that Jensen got a direct flight and first class. _This definitely beats the trip south last year…that twenty hour travel day was hell._

Once on the plane the two of you got situated, Jensen asking if you wanted the aisle or window, quickly answering, “Window, please.” The flight attendants went through their checks, calling that it was time to taxi, when your heart started beating faster. You couldn’t possibly be having a panic attack, _in the middle of a plane?_ You had flown more times than you could count, never having a problem with it, so why now? 

Sitting there, trying to feign off the feeling of being trapped, grounding yourself, reminding yourself of who you were with and where you were going, you pulled out the medal around your neck. The chain that you had worn every day for the last year, the medal that you thought was your new protector in some spiritual way. You pulled it out and clung to it like it was going to be the one thing that got you on the ground in Texas, stifling back a whimper, _God why does this have to be happening right now?_

You started praying. Praying the three simple Hail Mary’s that you prayed at the beginning of every flight when the plane was accelerating down the runway. The energy it was taking you to keep your shit together was astounding, you realized. The thing you were most thankful for other than the direct flight and first class? It was a night flight. So when the floodgates opened, surprisingly quietly, you didn’t wholly care because you knew no one could see you, and hopefully hear you. 

Except Jensen, granted he was sitting right next to you, so there was no real way around that one. “Hey, Y/N/N, sweetheart. Talk to me,” Jensen whispered, trying not to disturb the other passengers while also trying to not draw attention. He took that hand that was still in your lap, trying to comfort you while also giving your space to not overwhelm you. It took you a moment before you could even _try_ to get a sentence out, starting with, “I’m fine.” 

You both knew that was complete bullshit through and through. Cliff seemed to have heard you crying or heard Jensen talking, turning around from the seat in front of Jensen, “Everything ok?” looking at you with concern. Jensen shook his head, “Yeah, I think so…” he said weakly, not really believing the words. He put the armrest up between you, loosened both of your seat belts so that you could move while still abiding by the ‘buckled while seated’ rule and tucked you into his side, rubbing your arm in a rhythmic pattern. 

He didn’t push you, grateful for that once again. After a few minutes your breathing evened out and you were starting to relax, Jensen asked, “Do you want to lay down, try to take a nap?” Nodding yes, he stood up and got you a pillow and blanket from the overhead bin so you could lay your head in his lap. It didn’t take long to make yourself comfortable, which was surprising given the environment, but when you did, Jensen wrapped his arm with yours holding you close. 

It hit you like a ton of bricks. How you hadn’t seen it earlier, you weren’t entirely sure. You turned your head up towards him slightly making his gaze move down to you. “I know what happened. I’m so sorry. I hate crying, especially in public…” you whispered, not even able to get to your point. “Y/N, it’s ok, I know you’re dealing with stuff, and I understand that.” He said as he ran his fingers through your hair, giving you something to focus on. 

You closed your eyes for a moment reveling in the somewhat calming gesture, despite the reason of getting there, and let out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding. “This is the first time I’ve been on a plane since going back to Vancouver after Jonathan.” Nothing else needed to be said by either of you. Jensen squeezed the hand that he was holding by your waist, still running his fingers through your hair. You managed to drift off into a somewhat peaceful sleep, still holding the medal in the hand that was resting on his thigh. 

**Jensen’s POV**

She finally drifted off, somewhat peacefully, into sleep in my lap. All I could do was run my fingers over her hair and watch her. She looked so calm, the little worry lines she carried around were smooth, leaving her in peace, even if it was just for the time being. 

The flight attendant came through the cabin offering drinks, getting a bottle of water for her when she woke up and a whiskey for me to sip on. My heart hurt so much for her, and the pain she was dealing with, knowing that I couldn’t do anything unless she asked me. I wanted to be there for her, comfort her; I just wasn’t sure I was doing a good enough job. 

As the drinks were passed out the attendant was nice enough to put my tray table down for me, given the position we were in, giving her a nod of appreciation. I handed Cliff the water, asking him to take it since I didn’t want to jostle Y/N with putting it away. I sat there, sipping my drink, watching her, wondering what was going through her mind. In the dim cabin lighting I saw a glint of metal in her now relaxed hand, a part of the scar on her wrist showing from under the raised cuff of her long sleeve shirt. I realized she was still holding the medal that she was wearing. Curiosity got the better of me, and I gently reached a finger over to tilt the medal to read the engraving. It was a little black and silver relief image of a man, with the words Saint Luke – Pray For Us engraved around the edge of the oval. 

Flipping it over I saw the snake-entwined staff that is usually found in medical settings, along with the words Duck, Do Good. Not wanting to wake her, I moved my hand away, letting her sleep. Getting my phone that was in the pocket opposite Y/N, I pulled it out to look up St. Luke, finding out he was the patron saint of doctors. _That must have been his medal, from her?_ Sipping on the last of my whiskey, I tried to make myself as comfortable as I could without stirring Y/N, who surprisingly had stayed calm this whole time. Feeling like it was finally ok to close my eyes, letting sleep pull me under. 

That ‘sleep’ could hardly be considered a catnap. It was three hours of nodding off, not dreaming and a loud mind. Relaxing and refreshing were two words I would not consider it, betting I looked even more exhausted than I would have if I had stayed awake. _Oh well_. The attendant came through, letting people know that we were getting ready to land, which meant that I had to wake Y/N. 

I didn’t want to jar her awake. Remembering what my mom used to do to me when I was little, I gently ran my finger down her nose, whispering her name, telling her it was time to wake up. It took a moment for it to register with her, trying to pull away letting out a cute whimper, like a child fighting for more sleep on a school day. Rubbing down her nose a couple more times, I coaxed her awake. “Y/N, sweetheart, time to wake up, we’re getting ready to land.” I got her to sit up and tighten her belt again, asking if she was thirsty. She nodded, and I asked Cliff for the water. Taking a few small sips, I could tell that she was trying hard to clear the fog from her mind as I brushed back a few hairs, tucking them behind her ear. “Do you know where you are?” I asked her, seeing how together she was. “Plane, in Texas.” _Short and simple, works for me._

By the time the plane touched down and we got off and got to the baggage claim, she was more awake, but quiet. As we waited by the carousel, I put my arms around her shoulders and pulled her into a hug, kissing the top of her head. “How are you doing? You ok?” I asked, nervous to see if she would answer me. 

I felt her nod, and after a moment whispering, “I am, thank you. I didn’t realize that flying was going to be that difficult.”

“It’s ok baby.” 

\---

**Reader POV**

Jared had picked you guys up, leaving Gen and the kids at home considering the hour, and the fact that you needed the space in the car. The three of them had their greetings, after which Cliff and Jensen started putting the luggage in the trunk, Jared walking over to you. “Hey kiddo,” he said, sweeping you up into a soul crushing hug that was also almost a foot off the ground, effectively waking you up. You couldn’t help but laugh, “Hey Jar, how have you been? Enjoying your time so far?” you asked sleepily as he set you down. 

“Of course, glad you guys are here now though. Gen seriously can’t wait to meet you, she’s been going on about it all week, so get ready for a lot of girl days.” 

“Well, I will never turn down girl time to talk about you boys,” you retorted as you got in the car, Cliff getting behind the wheel. The lot of you decided to deal with sleeping arrangements tomorrow and opted to stay at Jared’s; you were excited to just get somewhere with a bed. Jared’s house wasn’t a terrible drive from the airport, and even with the nap you managed to grab on the flight, you were still finding yourself dozing off, noticing only when Cliff stopped the car in the driveway and car doors were opening. 

With Jared and Cliff grabbing the bags, the four of you made your way inside, being quiet so you didn’t wake the kids. Gen was awake and watching TV waiting for you to arrive, giving Jensen a hug as he was the first through the door. Pulling away and seeing you, she looked back at Jensen, “So, this must be Y/N!” she said, pulling you into another soul crushing hug. _It’s gotta be a Padalecki thing._ The thought made you laugh, considering they both could give such great hugs, given the size difference.

“I’ll show you guys to your room. We have more than enough space, so please don’t feel like you’re imposing. However, if you do want to get a hotel room, I completely understand; things can get a little crowded with four kids around here.” She smiled while every one of you stopped and stared at her. 

“Umm, four?” you asked ever so timidly, not sure if you were missing something, but judging by the look on Jared’s face, he must have been as well. 

“Yeah,” she started, laughing, “the three kids plus this man-child,” she finished, pointing to Jared. It was hard to keep the laughing quiet at that point, Jared rolling his eyes. “Anyway, your room,” Gen said as she lead you and Jensen down a hall and into one of the guest rooms, Cliff following with your bags. 

It was a lovely room, nice size bed, an en suite bathroom and a window overlooking the backyard. “Let us know if you two need anything. And please sleep in tomorrow; the kids don’t know you’re here yet, so hopefully you don’t wake up too early. It’s nice to finally meet you Y/N,” she said with a warm smile. “Goodnight you two,” and with that she padded back down the hall. 

Whn you started to get your bag to get your pajamas out, Jensen stopped you, putting a hand on your waist. “Come here,” he said quietly. “Hm?” so tired you didn’t even feel like talking, he wrapped his strong warm arms around you, giving you a feeling of safety and security, and just held you. His breathing was steady and in a few moments of him holding you, you found yourself matching his breathing, which had calmed you down, not even realizing that you had been a little anxious. 

“Are you ok?” he mumbled into your hair, running a hand over your back. You took another deep breath in, exhaling slowly, “I mean honestly? No, but I have to be. Jen, can I ask something of you?” you said quietly into his chest, not brave enough to look him in the eye, knowing that if you did the tears were sure to start again. “Of course Y/N, anything.” 

There was a moment before you started again. “Please be patient with me this week? I’m trying to hold it together the best that I can, but I can’t guarantee that I’ll be 100% the whole time. I was having this debate with myself when you asked if I’d come here with you. I’m more than happy to be here, I really am, I was hoping it could be a distraction of sorts, but I just don’t know, and that makes me nervous. All I do know is that I want, need, you here with me.” 

“I’m always here for you sweetheart, whatever you need. To talk, or not talk, to give you some time to yourself, to dote on you and take you out on the town. Whatever you need, it’s yours.” _Why is he so unbelievably perfect?_

“Thank you.” Jensen kissed the top of your head, moving his hands to your shoulders to separate you two enough that he could look at you, “Can you tell me what’s going on? You don’t have to go into detail, but just something so that I can help you?” 

You paused, not sure if you were feeling unsure about telling him, or finally coming to terms with talking about it. “It’s the one year anniversary of Jonathan’s…death, next week,” you said as a single tear fell down your cheek. “I’m just not sure how well I’m going to handle it. But if right now is any indication, it’s not going to be good.” 

Jensen kissed your forehead, the warmth rolling off of him at every point of contact you two had in that moment. “Let’s go to bed, ok?” Nodding, you left his arms long enough to change and brush your teeth, getting into bed and curling right into his side with his arm around your waist; the steady beating of his heart, his breathing and the blanket of warmth coming off of him all lulled you into a deep sleep. 


	20. Austin

The anniversary went about as well as you could expect. Waking up in the guest bedroom that was bathed in the morning sunlight was comforting, even if it wasn’t your bed. You felt the arm around your waist tighten, pulling you closer to the chest behind you and a warm mouth nuzzling into the crook of your neck. It _was_ a pretty nice way to wake up. “Morning beautiful,” you heard Jensen’s gravelly voice say, low into your ear making you smile, even though your back was to him. “Morning handsome,” you responded, still fighting having to wake up. 

“How are you doing?” he asked you, placing kisses on your shoulder, not in any way more than being comforting. After thinking about it, you turned so you could look at him. 

“I’m…I’m ok. I don’t know if I can really pinpoint the feeling I have about today. I’m aware that it’s happened, and I know he’s gone, but I don’t think I’m sad today. Jonathan would be annoyed if I was,” you said, ending the last bit with a laugh, picturing the eye roll you would no doubt have gotten from him. “I’m good,” you finished looking at him with a sleepy smile. 

Jensen brushed stray hairs that were mussed from sleeping, running a hand over your cheek, pulling you into a kiss. “Good,” he breathed, looking you in the eyes. “Remember, if you need anything today, or ever, just ask me,” Jensen whispered, kissing your forehead. 

“Thank you.”

The rest of the day was spent at the zoo watching the boys learn about the different animals and habitats. They were loving it, it was amazing to you the information they absorbed throughout the day while Odette spent time either in the sling on Jared’s chest or in the stroller that Gen was pushing. You walked with Gen most of the time, while the men and boys were doing their thing. “Jared is such a great dad, it’s so different seeing him in this roll and outside of work,” you said to her. 

She giggled and looked over at him with love and adoration in her gaze. “Yeah, he’s pretty amazing with the kids.” Turning to you she had a more somber look on her face, “How are you today?” 

You knew what she was talking about, Jensen had asked you if he could at least tell Gen and Jared that the first week was going to maybe be a little rough on you, without giving them the whole story. You let him, silently thanking him that now you didn’t have to make it awkward, and you knew that neither of the Padalecki’s would question you further. 

Smiling at her you answered, “I’m doing good, better than I thought I would be, but good all the same.” 

She reached her hand out and rested it on your arm. “Don’t ever hesitate to ask Jared and I for anything. We love you just as much as we love Jensen.” 

“Thank you Gen. That means a lot.”

\---

The rest of the week was relaxing and crazy all at the same time. Gen was right that first night, it was a little crowded with everyone under one roof, but you wouldn’t have changed it for anything. Gen announced that week that they were going to throw a barbeque, nothing fancy, just for a few people, Jared’s parents and some friends. You were a little bummed that you wouldn’t get to meet Jensen’s folks this trip; they were on some month long excursion in Europe.

The guys took the kids to the store to get everything for the barbeque while you stayed home with Gen helping her tidy up the place and get things ready. 

“Are you sure there isn’t anything I can do to help with the meal?” You asked her for what had to be the fourth time that day. 

“Y/N! I said everything was taken care of. Jared and Jen have the grilling down, and all of the side dishes are simple recipes that just need to be thrown together.” 

A smile crept across your face, “So…what about dessert? Don’t tell me that I can’t persuade you with homemade Salted Chocolate Chip Cookies; warm, soft, chewy and delicious,” you trailed off, knowing she was hooked at ‘chocolate’. 

“Mm. Those do sound good. Fine,” drawing out the last word like she was actually upset that there were going to be cookies. 

By the time the guys got back with the food, you were working on scooping a tray of cookie dough to put in the oven, having already taken two out, filling the air with the comforting scent of baked cookies. “Please tell me you agreed to let Y/N bake something Gen…” Jared said as he rounded the corner with his nose in the air. 

Looking at you, you laughed raising the cookie scoop, “Yep! Just chocolate chip cookies, nothing crazy.” “Oh my god I can’t wait,” Jared said as he and Jensen made their way for the tray that was cooling, each of them reaching for one. 

“Where do you think those hands are going gentlemen?” Gen asked, hands on her hips. They turned, looks of guilt on their faces and sad puppy eyes. “You can wait until after dinner.” 

“God, we just got the mom voice,” Jensen whispered looking at you while you tried to hold in a laugh. “I can’t imagine that was the first time for either of you,” you remarked. As they walked by, they each dipped a finger into the bowl to take a piece of dough. 

“Oh my god, even the dough is freaking amazing!” you heard Jared exclaim as he walked away. Jensen hung around, wrapping his arm around your waist. “We just can’t keep you from baking, can we?” He said, resting his chin on your shoulder. 

“Nope, besides, it’s kind of comforting,” you said, just as a pain shot through your wrist, making you hiss at the discomfort. 

Feeling your body tense Jensen moved his head, “What’s wrong?” Playing it off you responded quickly, “It’s nothing, just…would you mind taking over scooping the rest of this?” Looking puzzled, Jensen took the scoop from you and finished the bowl while you rotated pans out of the oven and putting the cookies on a cooling rack. 

\---

You quickly found out that Gen’s definition of ‘nothing fancy’ was not the same as everyone else’s. The backyard looked like something out of a magazine, table set beautifully, a couple of ice chests with drinks and the Edison bulb lighting that covered the deck. She was even picture perfect in a long flowing maxi dress and hair in relaxed waves. _Seriously, when does she not look like she just left a photo shoot?_

“Gen, this looks amazing! You really outdid yourself.” You marveled. “Oh, this was nothing. Besides, I love doing things like this, so it wasn’t any trouble at all.” She played off. You talked with her for a bit, each of you sipping a glass of wine watching the boys run around the yard, until people started arriving. 

**Jensen’s POV**

Jared was in the kitchen just as I walked down to help him start cooking, “You ready to grill?” he asked, grabbing the meat while I got Odette and headed out to the deck where Gen was talking to Y/N and a few of the guests. I couldn’t help but stop and stare at Y/N as we walked out. She looked absolutely gorgeous. 

She was wearing a white dress, knee length and strapless, but lace covering up her neck stopping at her collarbone and wrapping down her arms, her hair up in a loose bun. A dress light enough to keep her cool in the warm, late summer air, but covering her enough that I knew she didn’t feel self-conscious. 

I felt an elbow to my side just then, “Dude, quit drooling,” I heard Jared say as he laughed. As we passed them Gen offered to take Odette from me, but I held onto her, telling her to mingle with people. I stopped next to Y/N and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, whispering in her ear how great she looked in the dress she was wearing, knowing that it would make her blush. I met her gaze only for a second when I started to walk away, winking at her. _God she really is something special._

Meeting Jar at the grill, he made sure he had what he needed before he started cooking. In all honesty, Jared was the grill master; I was just the support system. Which was fine by me, it gave me more time to steal looks at Y/N. 

After a few minutes I noticed Jared was acting like he wanted to say something, giving me side glances that I didn’t know what to do with. “Uh, dude, is there something you want to say? You know you can just say it, right?” I finally asked him. 

“Huh? No, uh, I…” he tried, stumbling over his words. 

“Jared,” Growing somewhat annoyed, _he and I can talk about anything, what’s his problem now?_

“Ok, can I ask you something…about…about Y/N?” 

I had a sudden feeling of concern, but tried to keep it down until I actually knew what was going on, “Sure, what’s up?” 

“I don’t want to be over stepping anything, you know that I care for her just as much, if not more, as I do you,” he started. I could only laugh, “More than?” Glancing over to her again, “Yeah, I can see that.” Giving an airy laugh he kept going, 

“Well, I was wondering, and you don’t have to give me anything more than a yes or no if you don’t want to. But dude, I’m kind of worried about her. Is she ok?” I was suddenly confused, looking back at her, seeing her laughing with Gen, I had no idea what he meant. 

“Umm, why are you worried about her?” Jared was looking guilty, like he just ruined some secret I wasn’t supposed to know. 

“Shit. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything,” Suddenly flustered. 

“No, it’s fine, I just don’t know why you would be worried. Did something happen?” I asked him. 

“Well, I mean it’s just little things. Like last week, she dropped a glass.” 

Shrugging it off I replied, “Ok, accidents happen, where does the worry come in?” 

“I also noticed her doing things with her opposite hand, like just recently. And she doesn’t hold Odette unless she’s sitting. Jen, I’ve…” 

“You what,” trying to keep the agitation out of my voice, not really meaning to cut him off, feeling like his point wasn’t being made. 

“I’ve seen the scars on her wrists, those two aren’t from her job. I have a friend, he has the same ones. They’re from surgery, carpel tunnel or something of the sort. Has she said anything?” I just stood there, zoned out, Odette wriggling in my arms, looking at Y/N. She was lost in conversation with a few people, laughing and enjoying herself. 

Now that Jared had brought this up, I noticed that she was keeping her glass of wine on one of the little tables by the deck chairs. _That could mean nothing, but then again, he could be right. There was also this afternoon, asking me to help with scooping cookies…the brace? It’s been so long, I forgot about that._ I pushed it all down. That was obviously a conversation for another time. 

“Look man, I’m sorry I said anything,” Jared tried, obviously bothered by the conversation. “No, no. It’s fine. I’ll talk to her about it later. And don’t worry about it. Thanks for telling me,” I told him, genuinely thankful that he said something to me. 

\---

We all sat around the table sharing stories and laughs, enjoying the food and the drink. Gen brought out the platter of cookies for everyone to share, Jared and I the first to dig in. Within minutes, there were comments from all around the table about how delicious the cookies were, Y/N tucking her head into my shoulder, blushing. She thanked them, embarrassed to be the center of attention all of a sudden. 

I leaned down and whispered, “I hope you saved a couple extra for a certain someone.” 

“Oh of course, Jared has his own little stash for later,” she said with a wicked smirk on her face. I reached my arm over to her and grabbed at her side, right where I know she’s ticklish, making her squeal.

After dinner Jared and I helped clear the table while Gen showed everyone out. 

“Hey, how about a campfire tonight guys?” Jared asked Tom and Shep, who were jumping up and down excitedly. “Ok, pajamas first, put shoes on and wait on the deck.” I could hear them running up the stairs full of excitement. 

Gen and Y/N came back into the kitchen, “What was that all about?” Y/N asked with a chuckle, sliding her arms around my waist. “How does a campfire sound?” 

“Sounds like the perfect way to end a perfect day. I’m going to go change real quick,” she left, not before giving me a slow kiss. 

Soon we were all gathered around the fire on the cushioned benches. The boys roasting marshmallows and making s’mores with Gen, Y/N sitting with her back tucked into my side with my arm around the back of the bench. Jared was holding onto Odette who slid her way down off of his lap, waddling her way over to where Y/N and I were sitting. “Hey baby girl, want to sit with Uncle Jen?” I said, picking her up. Almost immediately she reached out for Y/N, who took her with a smile, letting her snuggle into her. 

“I see where the love goes now. It’s probably only because you made the cookies,” I said jokingly. 

“Guess you need to learn how to bake,” She said with a shrug. 

“Well now that you have her, that frees up my hands,” Jared said, pulling out the guitar he had brought out with him. He started out by just messing around with some chords, finally settling into a song that the boys would know, just to keep them involved in the evening. 

He went on with _Can’t Stop the Feeling_ , which the boys loved, dancing around to it, Gen, Y/N and Odette joining in their antics, all of them singing to it. 

I loved watching Y/N dance around with them, it was wonderful seeing her like this, not caring about anything and having fun. 

He played a couple more songs that the boys would know before slowing it down into a more relaxed mood, presumably trying to get the kids to settle down before bed. Jar just started with some random chords, trying to find something that was fitting. I heard him start to go into something, unable to place the song at first, realizing that it was _Make You Feel My Love_ when Y/N started humming along to it, and eventually singing along quietly. 

_When the rain is blowing in your face_   
_And the whole world is on your case_   
_I could offer you a warm embrace_   
_To make you feel my love_

_When the evening shadows and the stars appear_   
_And there is no one there to dry your tears_   
_I could hold you for a million years_   
_To make you feel my love_

I looked down at Y/N, leaning into my side holding Odette, Y/N brushing a delicate finger across her now sleeping face. I couldn’t help myself by kissing the top of her head, resting my lips there, smelling the sweet scent of her shampoo and perfume, listening to her voice. 

_I know you haven’t made your mind up yet_   
_But I will never do you wrong_   
_I’ve known it from the moment that we met_   
_No doubt in my mind where you belong_

_I’d go hungry; I’d go black and blue_   
_And I’d go crawling down the avenue_   
_No, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do_   
_To make you feel my love_

_The storms are raging on the rolling sea_   
_And on the highway of regret_   
_The winds of change are blowing wild and free_   
_You ain’t seen nothing like me yet_

_I could make you happy, make your dreams come true_   
_There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do_   
_Go to the ends of the Earth for you_   
_To make you feel my love_

She finished out the song quietly, Gen holding the boys while I held Y/N. “That was beautiful,” I whispered to her, kissing the top of her head again. She looked up at me with her e/c eyes, even more gorgeous in the firelight. 

“Thank you,” she said as I leaned down to give her a kiss, slow and sweet, nipping playfully at her bottom lip before I pulled away. “Careful Ackles, you could give a girl the wrong idea,” she teased. 

We stayed like that for another forty-five minutes or so, until Gen told the boys that it was time for bed. Coming over to Y/N she asked her if she wouldn’t mind carrying Odette since she was so content in her arms. 

“Oh, uh…” Y/N hesitated for a brief second before I noticed and stepped in, “I’ll get her Gen, it’s ok.” Carefully taking Odette from Y/N, she managed to stay asleep, even tucking into my neck. “I’ll meet you upstairs, I’m going to help Jar clean up,” she said quietly as I walked with Gen. _I loved seeing her sitting next to me holding Odette. Is it too soon for me to even think that that is something we could have in the future, it’s only been what, three months?_ I was immediately lost in my thoughts as I followed Gen in the house.

**Reader POV**

It was so nice sitting there with Jensen like that, around the fire and holding Odette. It all seemed so natural, like it was something you could envision for your future, specifically with Jensen. You were a little surprised when Jensen offered to take Odette for Gen after she had asked you, but decided to think about that later. _There can’t be a deeper meaning than him just being a nice guy._

You helped Jared clean up the s’mores making supplies and doused the flames. As the two of you walked up to the deck, he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and kissed the top of your head. “I really enjoyed your singing tonight, it was beautiful.” 

You laughed, somewhat embarrassed at the sweet sentiment, “Thanks."

“Hey Y/N, I don’t want to overstep or anything, but if there’s anything you need, at all, someone to talk to, I’m here for you, ok?” Jared said, you noting the caution in his voice, the concern.

Placing a hand on his arm, “Thank you. Really. I’ll see you in the morning, Jar,” giving him a kiss on the cheek and heading for the stairs.

“Night, Y/N,” Jared replied smiling, a smile that said he was still worried, but you didn’t see that.

When you got in your room you heard your phone buzz, wondering who would be texting you at this hour, unless it was Briana, who was two hours behind. You were surprised to see it was Gen.

**_Hey! So I wanted to make sure it was ok with you before I posted this video. We absolutely loved your singing! And, here’s a picture for you. The two of you looked so perfect together, holding Odette. ;)_ **

_Awe! Thanks! That’s perfectly fine. And thank you, that really is a sweet picture._

Just then Jensen came out of the bathroom in his t-shirt and boxers, seeing you smiling at your phone. “Who’s making you smile like that at this hour?” he asked while you held it out to him so he could see the picture. 

“You are,” you told him. “We do make a pretty picture perfect couple, don’t we?” He laughed, while you groaned at the horrible joke. 

You took your phone back and set it on the nightstand, getting up to go get clothes to change into. Just as you walked by Jensen, he wrapped his arm around your waist pulling you back and turning you towards him. “Jensen!” you exclaimed, trying to stay quiet. His hand moved from your waist to your neck, his eyes staying locked on yours, your breath caught just ever so slightly, but he heard it, the corner of his lip curling into a smile. 

He pulled you into a kiss, gentle at first, your lips molding to his perfectly, deepening the kiss with each passing second. Your tongue came out and ran across his bottom lip, nipping at his lip when you were done. “Careful Y/L/N, you could give a guy the wrong idea,” he whispered your own words back to you, his voice now gravelly. “What kind of ideas do you have going through that head of yours?” you asked, a playful tone to your question. 

Both of his hands were back on your hips now, playing with the bit of skin that was showing between your sweatshirt and jeans that you had changed into after dinner. The delicate touch of his fingers giving you goose bumps. “Well for starters…” he breathed, hot on your neck as he unzipped your sweatshirt, sliding it down your arms, you pulling your shirt off after, leaving you in just your bra on top. “And then…” he said, trailing kisses down your neck, not missing your ear lobe, moving down over your collarbone and shoulders while his hands made his way to the button on your jeans. Once he got them open you shimmied out of them, Jensen’s hands finding your skin once again. 

Going along, you said, “What about this, hm?” tugging at his t-shirt, which he had off in less than two seconds. 

“Mm. Y/N. You’re beautiful,” Jensen said, just barely a whisper, his hands running all over you, touching everything they could. They slowly trailed down your arms ghosting over the scars, going to your hips, running up your stomach and over the swell of your breasts. They made their way down your back and over the curve of your ass, his fingers trailing over the barely there lace band of your panties that went across the back. 

In the next moment your legs are around Jensen’s waist, arms around his shoulders, while he’s carrying you to bed. Being held like this you can feel him underneath you, right where you wanted him, unintentionally rolling your hips against him, a small moan escaping your lips. “Someone want something?” he said with a devilish grin, and all you could do was nod your head. 

An hour and a half later, you were snuggled into his side with your head on his chest, a leg over top his and his fingers laced with yours on his stomach. He started to rub your naked back with his other hand, instantly relaxing you more than you already were. “Goodnight sweetheart,” was the last thing you heard, with a kiss on your forehead before drifting off.


	21. Move

The rest of your time in Austin went by so quickly, you were sad to be leaving Gen, Jared and the kids. However, you were excited to get back you your apartment that didn’t have three crazy adorable kids running around at all hours, and also a little more privacy for you and Jensen. 

Neither of you had to go back to work right away, planning to have some downtime before going back to your busy lives. It was the first week of November by the time the two of you went back, Jensen busy filming a few episodes, trying to get as much done before Thanksgiving as possible. 

Jensen had come over one night after work, it finally being his weekend, which miraculously matched up with yours this week, giving you the chance to spend some time together. When he walked into the living room, he took notice of your laptop with papers and notebooks all over the coffee table. “What’s all of this?” he said, nothing in his tone other than genuine curiosity. “Oh, uh, just typing up a standardized recipe book for the café, notes and such on various things,” you explained nervously, tidying up the stacks of papers and notebooks. 

You both decided to order take out since neither of you felt like cooking. The two of you sat on the couch while eating dinner and watching an episode of _Supernatural_. You had seen all of the episodes countless times over, but it was kind of your thing with Jensen that he would tell you things about each episode, either the antics that happened behind the scenes, or the pranks they pulled on each other while trying to film. You didn’t do it every time you two were together, but every now and then, it was fun to do. Without fail you were laughing so hard you’d cry from the stories he’d tell you. 

You were calming down from your most recent fit of laughter, when Jen started rubbing your arm, from where you were nestled into his side. “So, I’ve been thinking,” he started, swearing you could hear nervousness behind his voice. When he didn’t finish, you nudged him, “Uh huh…” 

“Would you want to, maybe…move in with me?” Feeling your body tense, he kept going, “Only if you want to. I, uh, just figured that we’re usually sleeping together at one place or the other, both of us have enough of our stuff at the other apartment that we may as well share, and with our schedules it’d maybe give us more time together. But, I also know it’s still early in the relationship, so I would completely understand if you don’t want to. No hard feelings, I promise,” he said in what seemed like one breath.

During the course of his spiel, you had sat up and turned towards him on the couch, watching him until he was done, giving him a small smile. Exhaling the breath you didn’t know you were holding, you put your hand on his leg. “Jen, I, I really don’t know what to say. I would love to, you’re right, we have enough of our stuff at the other’s apartment, might as well just have one place. But…” you paused, for a brief moment trying to collect your words. 

“It’s really ok Y/N, I’m not upset,” he said, cupping your cheek in his warm hand. 

“I just, sometimes I need my own space, to collect myself, I guess re-center myself? God that sounds like a lame excuse. I just, I want to be with you as much as possible, but I don’t know if I’m ready to give up my space yet.” You looked up at him, so much sadness in your eyes, hoping he would see what you meant, since putting your feelings into words never quiet worked out in your favor. 

He pulled you in, slowly, placing a warm and gentle kiss to your lips, “When ever you’re ready sweetheart,” he whispered, you nodding in response. Quietly he added, “Does it help that I have a second bedroom?” you both chuckled at that, with you telling him that the second you knew, you would tell him. After that, he scooted until he was in the corner of the couch, pulling you to lie on his chest between his legs. His arms were lazily wrapped around your waist, his right arm resting on your thigh. 

Turning up to gaze at him, you waited until he looked down before you spoke, “Thank you.” 

“For what?” 

“For not pushing me, for being ok with everything.” 

“Of course. I want you to be comfortable. If there’s ever anything you don’t want to do, tell me, I will never be mad at you,” he said quietly, kissing the top of your head.

You watched a couple more episodes before heading to bed. Jensen had a lot of stuff over at your apartment by now, so your nightly routine was pretty seamless. _It **is** really nice having him here, and not having to worry about either of us having to leave the next day, maybe moving in isn’t such a bad idea? But I get in those moods, where I don’t want to be around anyone, would I really not want to be around Jensen? What if he hates me when that happens?_

\---

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, the two of you flew back down to Austin for a few days to meet his parents who, quite honestly, you were a little nervous to meet. Jensen assured you that you didn’t have anything to worry about, but the first time meeting parents was always hard. You spent Thanksgiving with his parents, since yours celebrated in October. Jensen had told you about his siblings and nieces and nephews, so you would be prepared for the chaos that was about to happen. 

Truth was, you loved every second of it. It was just like being back at Jared and Gen’s house with everyone under one roof. That was something that you had always wanted, a big family and big holidays. But it was only ever the four of you. Even when you were with your aunt and uncle, they only had one kid, so everything was quieter. You didn’t stay long, only a few days, but long enough that you got to meet everyone and Jensen got some time with his family. 

Before going back to Vancouver, you flew up to Edmonton to see your parents, having Jensen meet them for the first time as well. “See? Isn’t this terrifying? Meeting parents for the first time? How are you not more nervous? I was freaking out before meeting yours,” You were rambling as the two of you sat in the back seat of the taxi on the way to the house. He laughed, “Parents love me, I’ll be fine. Now quit worrying,” grabbing your hand and kissing the back of it. 

When you reached the house, you paid the driver while Jensen got the bags out of the trunk, walking behind you as you went in the house. “Mom? Dad? We’re here!” you called as Jensen set the bags by the front door, then followed you through the house before you found your mom in the kitchen cooking dinner. “Mom, we’re home,” you said again as she turned around from the stove. “Oh! There’s my baby!” she said, coming over to you and making a fuss, the general motherly gestures. You practically had to peel her off of you and insist that you were ok and eating enough and taking your vitamins, _anything to pacify her, right?_ It seemed to be then that she noticed Jensen, “And this fine young man is Jensen I’m guessing?” 

“Yes I am, very nice to meet you Mrs. Y/L/N.” he started, sticking out his hand to shake. “Oh honey, no. You’re getting a hug, and it’s Margaret,” she told him while you just gave him a look and shrugged your shoulders at him. 

“Where’s dad?” you asked, going to the fridge and taking out two beers, handing one to Jensen. “He’s out golfing with the guys, he’ll be home soon. We’re having spaghetti for dinner, I hope that’s ok?” she said, looking at him. “Sounds perfect,” he said, smiling at her, and then directing his attention to you. You just gave him a coy smile, knowing that both of you were thinking about the first night that he came over after the convention when you made the exact same meal. 

Your dad walked in the door within the hour going on about something as he walked into the kitchen, noticing Jensen first. “Bob was telling me that they went about it all wrong, had to go back and- who the hell are you?” he said, stopping mid sentence as Jensen was mid drink of his beer. Whipping around, your mother yelled, “Eugene! Do not talk like that in front of guests. It’s Y/N’s boyfriend, Jensen.” 

All you could do was stand in the corner of the kitchen trying your hardest to not go into hysterics over the situation. Jensen quickly stood up, reaching a hand out to your dad, “Hello Mr. Y/L/N. Nice to meet you.” You could have sworn that boy was shaking like a leaf. 

“Hm.” Your dad said, taking his hand and narrowing his eyes, “Jensen? What do you do for a living?” 

“Dad! You can’t just come in and give him the third degree, at least make it to dinner!” You quipped, finally stepping in to try to save Jen. 

“No no, I need to know that he’s good enough for my baby girl. So, job?” 

“I’m an actor, sir.”

“Hm. Anything I know?” 

“Well, currently I’m on Supernatural, we actually film over in Vancouver. I’ve been in a few movies, did a season of Smallville a while back.”

“Supernatural…that’s the one with the two brothers and weird angel friend, right?”

There was an audible groan from you at this point, putting your head in your hand. “Dad, please,” you practically begged. Just then your dad looked at Jensen, the corner of his mouth ticking up in a smirk, “I’m just messing with you son, I know who you are and what the show is about. Y/N here has managed to keep us in the loop about it for the last god knows how many years,” your dad told him, laughing by now. 

“Dad!” your face red from embarrassment now. 

Jensen finally relaxing looked over at you, “Oh yeah? How many years has it been, Y/N?” 

“Thirteen…” you said barely loud enough for anyone to hear. 

“I’m sorry, how many?” he pulled, one more time, just getting your riled up at this point. 

“Thir. Teen. Thirteen years. Happy?” Letting out an exasperated sigh. 

Jensen responded by taking a drink of his beer and winking at you, only to get an eye roll in return.

\---

You didn’t stay in Edmonton more than a few days, since Jensen had some stuff to take care of before the winter break, including the last convention weekend of the year, which you decided to stay home for. By the time you got back to Vancouver, it was going into the second week of December, and it was a winter wonderland, the city covered in glistening snow. You honestly weren’t a fan of the snow, but you couldn’t deny how gorgeous it was, especially in the parts of town that remained untouched and pristine. 

Friday night rolled around, another open mic night at the café. Since singing onstage with Jensen at the convention, you had done a few nights at the café, slowly working your confidence back. You certainly felt better than you did almost six months ago. Briana and Jason were there for you, coming by after they had finished at the studio working on Briana’s album. You had met Jason at VanCon, and a few other times since. Jensen was still at work, but he said he would swing by when he was done, hoping he wouldn’t miss you singing. 

_**Hey sweetheart. We have one more scene to shoot, should be pretty quick then I’m out of here. I’m trying to get there as fast as I can. :(** _

_It’s ok. I’m not sure how much longer I can wait though, but I’ll try. See you soon._

You were amazed at how quickly word spread of you singing at the convention with Jensen, making the nights that you sang at the café’s open mic nights sort of a thing; the café filling up more than normal just to hear you. That was something that you still weren’t used to, given your years in theater and selling out the house, this was still a weird concept. 

You tried to hold off as long as you could, to wait for Jensen, but you felt badly since you knew most of the people were waiting for you. Deciding you couldn’t wait anymore, you let Dee know that you were ready, introducing you to the little corner stage that you had grown comfortable with. 

You picked up your guitar and sat on the stool, starting to strum the first few chords of the song, when your left arm decided it wasn’t having it. You slipped on a chord, your nerves starting to show themselves. Starting again, you made it a few chords farther than last time, thinking you were fine, until your hand slipped again, this time with pain shooting up your arm. Closing your eyes and trying to hold your frustration down, you had to remind yourself that there was a microphone in front of you, along with at least forty people in a small space. 

“Sorry everyone, it’s been a bit since I picked up a guitar, just need to find that right note,” you said with a nervous laugh. It wasn’t exactly true, but hopefully they would be ok with that, which they seemed to be. _I can’t just run now. I’m here. I have to play. But there’s NO way I can sing this without a melody. UGH. What the actual hell am I supposed to do?!_

Just then you noticed Jason walking up to you, lowering his head next to yours, “Hey, you ok? I can play for you if you’d like?” he offered. You looked up at him, eyes already filling with tears from the frustration and embarrassment. “That would actually be great, thank you Jason,” you told him, mustering up a small smile.

“Of course. What are you going to sing?” 

“ _How Do I Live_ , please tell me you know it?” Chuckling he responded, “I do, let me mess around with the chords for a second and I’ll be good. Do you want me to sing at all, or just play?” 

“What ever you’d like, I trust your judgment. I will say, I’m a little nervous doing this since we’ve never played together before,” you told him. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll stick to the original version, and since it’s acoustic it will give you room to do what you need to. You got this, it’ll be fine.” He said, squeezing your arm. The course of Jason coming on stage and talking to you was a matter of seconds, even though it felt like an eternity, but then it could have been because you hated making the audience wait on you. 

“Ok! Thank you again for coming this evening,” you started nervously while adjusting the mic stand to your standing height, now that you weren’t sitting. “So, due to some…technical difficulties…someone I’m really glad to be able to call a friend was willing to help me out tonight, Jason Manns everyone.” You said to the crowd, motioning for them to give him applause. After the clapping had faded, you looked to him and he let you know that he was ready, starting in on the first few chords, listening to how he played, hoping you could pull this off for never having played together before; you found your starting point and let the words fall from your lips. 

_How do I_   
_Get through one night without you?_   
_If I had to live without you_   
_What kind of life would that be?_

_Oh, I, I need you in my arms, need you to hold_   
_You’re my world, my heart, my soul_   
_And if you ever leave_   
_Baby you would take away everything good in my life_   
_And tell me now_

_How do I live without you? I want to know_   
_How to I breathe without you if you ever go_   
_How do I ever, ever survive?_   
_How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?_

Still working on your confidence, you sang a lot of the song either with your eyes closed, or looking at Briana. Coming off the second verse you heard the tiny bell above the front door jingle, not letting it pull you from what you were doing, you couldn’t help it though. The tightening in your chest and your breath catching, when you realized it was Jensen who walked in, your eyes meeting his; your words suddenly meant for only one person in that café. Briana must have noticed your gaze settle, she turned around and saw Jen, giving him a small wave to take the chair next to her. 

_Without you there’d be no sun in my sky_   
_There would be no love in my live_   
_There’d be no world left for me_   
_And I, baby, I don’t know what else I would do_   
_I’d be lost if I lost you, if you ever leave_   
_Baby, you would take away everything real in my life_   
_And tell me now_

_How do I live without you? I want to know_   
_How do I breathe without you if you ever go?_   
_How do I ever, ever survive?_   
_How do I, how do I, oh, how do I live?_

For the rest of the song, your eyes were on Jensen and suddenly the rest of the café didn’t matter, they all disappeared into the background. You didn’t even notice when Jason helped out with a few of the lines, solely focusing your attention on Jensen.

_Please, tell me, baby_   
_How do I go on if you ever leave?_   
_Baby, you would take away everything, I need you with me_   
_Baby, don’t you know that you’re everything good in my life?_   
_And tell me now_

_How do I live without you? I want to know_   
_How do I breathe without you if you ever go?_   
_How do I ever, ever survive?_   
_How do I, how do I, oh, how do I live?_   
_How do I live without you?_   
_How do I live without you, baby?_   
_How do I live?_

When you finished, you smiled at Jensen, returning the beautiful smile that he was giving you, one that showed love and promise. You turned back toward Jason, giving him a hug whispering, “Thank you so much, I owe you for this.” 

“No, no Y/N. I’m just glad I could help. You were excellent,” He responded, giving you a warm smile.

 

**Jensen’s POV**

I was running late to meet Y/N and Briana at the café, trying hard to get there before she went up to sing. When the last scene was wrapped I flew out of there, barely taking time to change from Dean’s jeans, flannel and jacket to the jeans and sweatshirt I wore in this morning. Without trying to pressure Cliff _too_ much to get there as quick as possible, we made it a few minutes under what it normally takes. When Cliff pulled up I flew out of the backseat wanting so bad to barge in there, but it was when I got to the window that I saw Y/N singing with Jason playing behind her. _Weird…?_

I watched for a brief moment before I got my wits about me and went inside, cursing the little bell above the door. I couldn’t help but stare. She was singing and old LeAnn Rimes song, a classic, one that I’m sure wrapped all of her feelings up into a nice four minute package. _She did tell me she speaks better with music._ I hung back for a minute, surprised at how full it was in there, when Briana spotted me and waved me over to her table. 

“Hey! Finally! I was worried you were going to miss it,” She whispered. “Never, I love seeing her perform like this,” I said, eyes glued on Y/N with a smile planted on my face. “Jason hasn’t played with her before, that’s new…?” I asked her, almost hesitantly, without really asking what I wanted to. “Yeah, well…right place right, time and all that,” was all she said, but I could tell that there was something she wasn’t telling me. I knew how her and Y/N were though; it wasn’t hers to tell, so she wouldn’t. _It could be nothing…or it could be exactly what Jared was telling me?_

I couldn’t even begin to describe the feelings I had watching Y/N up there, her range with the complexity of the song, even getting the higher notes. I could honestly listen to her sing everyday, she has such a strong but elegant voice. I was a little sad to hear her finish, but as sad as I was about that, I was ecstatic because that meant I could finally have her in my arms again. 

Before she was even done thanking Jason, I was making my way to the stage, ready to pick her up and whisk her away. Reaching the step just as she turned, I wrapped her up in a hug, my arms snaking around her waist, my head resting in the crook of her neck. “Hey! I was getting nervous that you-“ she started saying, before I had her wrapped up in my arms in a big hug. “Nope, I will never miss this. I love watching you up here. Y/N/N, I am so proud of you, how far you’ve come since I first saw you up here.” 

She blushed and buried her face into my shoulder trying to suppress a laugh from embarrassment. “I’m serious Y/N. We all are.” After a moment she pulled back, a wide smile on her face, a few small tears finding their way down her cheek. “Hey, these better be happy tears,” I told her. It always pained me to see her like that, knowing she was hurting if she was crying. Nodding quickly she responded, wiping them away, “Yes! Yes, they are. I’m just so happy right now. Thank you for coming tonight.” 

“Always,” I said, looking at her, the step up to the stage making us more or less eyelevel. 

“And Jen?” 

“Yeah sweetheart?” 

“Does your offer still stand?” She asked me, leaving me slightly confused at first. 

“Offer?” 

“For moving in together,” she said, looking down, suddenly interested in the zipper on my sweatshirt. 

“Absolutely,” a smile that would rival any kid’s on Christmas morning finding its way to my lips. “Would you like to move in with me, Y/N?” I asked her again, knowing the answer this time. 

“Yes!” she said, giggling, throwing her arms around my neck. 

We finally made it back to the table, Jason having gone ahead of us. “So, what was that little exchange that was going on up there, huh?” Briana looked between the two of us with a coy smile. Y/N and I looked between one another, putting my arm around the back of her chair; I nodded to let her do the honors of sharing the news. 

“We’re moving in together!” Y/N told her, that gorgeous smile showing once more. “Oh, you guys!! I’m so happy for you!” Briana responded, with Jason also giving his congratulations. “Let’s go out for a couple drinks to celebrate. To celebrate Y/N’s kick ass performance tonight, and for you two,” Briana said. Who were any of us to argue with plans like that? 

We went to a bar just down the street, on the way calling Jared and telling him to get Misha and meet us there, while Briana called Kim and Rob, who happened to be in town. When we arrived, we took to the space in the back, ordering drinks from the waitress. I could tell Y/N was still on that after performance rush, but loving every second that I got to see her smile from it. 

As the lot of us sat around the table, I had my arm around her with her leaning into my side. Conversations were being carried around the table, when I saw Jason look over to Y/N from a couple chairs down. “So, Y/N, have you ever thought about singing professionally?” The question immediately caught Briana’s attention, “Dude, I’ve been telling her since college that she should sing, the girls’ got a hell of a voice!” 

She looked at Briana, sharing some unspoken words across the table, reminding me of Jared and me, or even of Sam and Dean. She turned to Jason. “I mean, sure, I’ve thought about it, but nothing serious. You know, one of those ‘what do I want to be when I grow up?’ kind of dreams. It wasn’t until just months ago that I even got back on a stage, now you’re asking about getting serious about it?” She asked him, a nervous laugh finishing her question. 

“You could certainly do it. You have an amazing voice, stage presence is great and your vocal range is spectacular. I don’t see why you wouldn’t be able to,” he said with a small shrug.

Most of the side conversations had stopped by that point, everyone focusing on this one, which made her blush since she hated the attention. _Everything Jason is saying is true though, I have no doubt that she wouldn’t be able to._

“I mean…I can’t just jump into something like that…” she said timidly, feeling her shrink into my side a little more.

Jason chuckled before responding. “No, that would be terrifying. What if we start you easy? You could record with Briana on her album, it’s private, no one to watch you except the people at the studio.” Briana was agreeing to it before he even finished saying her name, making her laugh. _God I hope she does this. She’s amazing when she’s performing, no matter the environment._

Rob chimed in, “You could even come to conventions with us, sing with the band? I’m sure Jensen wouldn’t mind either. And the fans loved you at VanCon,” he said with a laugh and a wink towards me. 

I squeezed her shoulder, getting her to look up at me. “It’s ok, Y/N/N. You don’t have to say yes to anything right now. But just so you know, he’s not wrong about any of it, you would be amazing,” I told her, kissing her forehead. She looked back at Jason, with a nervous smile, “I’ll let you know, a career change might just be in the cards sooner or later.” 

I didn’t see the look she gave Briana, the one saying that sooner or later was coming quicker than anticipated, because I was looking at Jared giving him a similar look, only it was regarding everything we talked about in Texas. I gave him a barely noticeable shake of my head, saying that I hadn’t talked to Y/N about her hands yet. _What if she gets upset with me? Pushing her away is the last thing I want to do to her._

Kim cut into the conversation, gracefully I might add, taking the awkwardness that was starting to settle, and within a few moments everyone was back to laughing and drinking. 

As the night wore on, my arm had moved from around her shoulders to around her waist, her fingers from her opposite arm finding mine. I noticed that she hadn’t touched her drink in a while; I made eye contact with Briana, asking if she was awake. She smiled at Y/N then looked back to me and nodded, telling me that she was just zoning out. I lowered my head to kiss her hair, whispering, “Baby, you ready to go?” All she did was nod and slowly sit up as I brushed a few stray strands of hair away. “Let’s go home, hm?” I asked her, as she gave me a small smile.


	22. She Speaks

You and Jensen decided to move all of your stuff into his apartment the following week over the winter break in filming that they had. The assistant that you had hired when you took a month off work was still around, you having told both of them your long-term plan for the café. Having the two of them gave you more time to be with Jensen, and take care of yourself. 

You had been putting off any type of therapy or surgery for your wrists, not ready to deal with it yet. Very much in the mindset that you were fine and everything would be ok; when deep down you knew that was a lie and all you were doing was hurting yourself. You’d been wearing the brace, Jensen was nice enough and didn’t make you talk about it, but it was still progressing, which is why you hired the assistant’s assistant in the first place.

On one of the trips between apartments, the two of you got out and unloaded the boxes from the truck and put them in the house. “We can just leave them in the living room, and find a place for everything later today or tomorrow. There’s no rush,” Jensen said, walking into the kitchen and rummaging in a cabinet, finding what he was searching for. “What are you doing over there?” You asked laughing, hands on your hips. 

“What? I needed a little snack, gummy bear?” He asked you, holding out a handful for you. “Sure! They’re one of my favorite candies actually,” laughing as you reached your hand up to his, going still for a considerable amount of time, what had to have been five or ten seconds. _There is a serious brain to hand misfire happening right now. Hand! Work!_ You looked at your hand, confused and then managed to pull it back to you, holding it in your other hand. “Actually, I’m ok…” you decided. Before you could fully turn away from him, Jensen put the bag down and grabbed your arm, bringing you back to him. 

“No, you’re not ok. Your hand, the almost…petrified look that’s on your face right now; those are not indicators of being ‘ok’. Please talk to me. This is going to be the only time I beg. Whatever just happened, that wasn’t ok, Y/N. Something is wrong. Please tell me.” _Oh god, the hurt in his eyes. But it’s nothing. Ugh, man up and talk, Y/N! He’s not going to kick you out or leave you, what are you so afraid of. It’s not like you’re the only one in the world dealing with this. Suck. It. Up._

“Y/N,” he said, still holding onto you, unaware that you had lost yourself in your thoughts. You looked at him, tears wanting to fall, but doing your best to hold them back. “Jared brought this up to me when we were in Austin a couple of months ago. He noticed some things with you, and after he said it, I started noticing, too. Is that was this is about? The broken glass, not holding the kids…Jason playing guitar last week at the café?” He asked gently. 

You took a deep breath and held it for a second then slowly exhaled, nodding your head slowly, moving your gaze to the ground.

“The nutshell version? I had tendon issues as a kid, it was never a big deal, they fixed it and I was fine. It was made worse when I…” you stopped, memories suddenly flooding your mind, fingers running over old scars. 

Jensen’s eyes still locked on yours, one hand coming up to your cheek and rubbing his thumb across it, “When you what, baby, what happened?” His voice was calm now; he wasn’t completely relaxed, but at least better since you had started talking to him.

The tears, thankfully not many, finally fell. “When I was in Ecuador. They…things…happened. I came home, had another surgery. The doctors didn’t know how long it’d be before I started having problems again; they weren’t optimistic when I told them what I did for a living. And here we are,” you finished flatly. 

“What happened…in Ecuador?” he asked, as if he was taking a chance on how you’d react to the question. He was met with wide E/C eyes staring back at him, full of tears, you shaking your head no, suddenly scared, small whimpers starting to escape you. “Y/N, sweetheart, no. You don’t have to tell me. It’s ok. You’re fine,” Jensen said, wrapping you up in a hug trying to calm you. He pulled you towards the couch so the two of you could sit, and you could be more comfortable. 

The two of you sat there for ten or fifteen minutes until you started relaxing. Your head was lying on his chest, the beat of his heart and his steady inhale and exhale of his breathing were what calmed you enough to drift off. Jensen’s arm wrapped behind your back, pulling you into his side, rubbing tiny circles on your hand he was holding. After you relaxed, he changed both of your positions, making it so you were cradled in his lap. He let you lay like that for an hour or so, waking you up for dinner, running his finger up and down the bridge of your nose. 

When you started to stir he whispered, “Hey baby, you hungry? It’s almost dinner time.” You tried answering yes, but really it just came out like a whimper, making Jensen chuckle. 

“What are you in the mood for? Pizza? Take out? Cereal?” He listed off, brushing the stray hairs out of your face, trying to get you to come out of the after-sleep fog. You sat back in his lap thinking about what he said. “Do you have peanut butter and jelly?” you asked. 

A smile crossed his face and he kissed your forehead, “Of course. I’ll go make you a sandwich, then after dinner we’ll go to bed and watch TV, how does that sound? Finish the rest of the moving tomorrow.” You nodded as you moved so he could get up, following him to the kitchen as he made you both a sandwich. “Crunchy or creamy peanut butter?” he asked you. “Creamy please. Wait, you actually have both kinds?” you asked, laughing. He laughed and shrugged, “Yeah, I like crunchy peanut butter and Jared likes creamy, and since he’s always over here eating my food, I have a jar of each.” You mock groaned, “So you mean I have to share peanut butter with Jar? Great,” making the two of you laugh. “You can quote me on that too, the next time you see him, tell him no double dipping the spoon.”

After dinner the two of you headed up to bed, changed and got under the covers. You curled into Jensen’s side as he picked something on Netflix, opting for something you had both seen before, in the event you fell asleep. You were surprised when he had picked Great British Baking Show. “Do you really want to watch this? We can watch something else, I do like other things than just baking,” you said with a laugh. 

“Nah, this is good. Just don’t tell Jared, he’ll never let me hear the end of it.”

Chuckling at the thought of Jared finding out about it, you told him his secret was safe with you. Over the course of the episode, he was asking questions about different things, seeming to have a genuine interest in the show. “You know, I could actually show you some of this sometime, if you’re that curious about it,” you told him, finding the whole thing endearing. 

“Éclairs? Macarons? Really?” he asked, like a kid just being told they could go to Disneyland. You looked up at him then, “Dude, you’ve been to the café, you’ve seen what I can do. Yes. We can make éclairs and macarons,” you retorted with an eye roll at him acting like a dork. 

Jensen was rubbing his fingers along your back, the movement trying to pull you to sleep. Your hand was on his chest, held by his other hand. You looked up at him, waiting until he looked at you, or until you figured out what you wanted to say, you really weren’t sure which it was. 

Jensen looked down after a second, “Penny for your thoughts?” You smiled, “Just thinking about how nice this is. Coming home at the end of the day, together.” 

“Yeah it is,” he whispered, kissing your head and smiling. 

“I’m sorry it took so long to figure it out,” you said shyly, almost embarrassed that you didn’t say yes when he asked you almost two months ago. Smiling, he responded, “It’s ok baby. You’re here now and I couldn’t ask for anything more.”

You were quiet for a few minutes, as one episode ended and the next one started. You weren’t watching the TV, but you were listening to the cheeky banter of Sue and Mel in their posh British accents.

_Sue: “Four bakers are fighting for their lives…is that too dramatic?_  
_Mel: “It’s never too dramatic. It’s cakes, biscuits and desserts we’re talking about!_

Jensen must have felt your body tense and relax, only to do that same thing a couple more times. “Y/N/N, you ok?” he asked, looking down at you. “Yeah, I…” you started, not really knowing how to tell him that you wanted to talk and felt lame for not being able to. 

“Sweetheart, what’s going on in that pretty little head?” he asked, moving a hair off your forehead. 

You’re attention now on tracing some of the freckles on his chest in a nonsensical pattern, suddenly finding it to be the most interesting thing in the room, you tried again. 

“I…are you…are you upset that I haven’t been able to tell you what happened? In Ecuador I mean.” You said, barely above a whisper. 

“God no, I would never be upset. I know that you’ll talk when you’re ready. I am perfectly ok with that.”

“It’s just that, earlier tonight, I saw the look in your eyes. I don’t know what it was, but you looked at me different, I don’t want you to be mad at me like I’m hiding something. I mean I am…” you paused, realizing you were just digging a nice little hole for yourself. 

Exhaling a breath you apparently had been holding, you continued. “I’m not hiding anything, per se. I just don’t like talking about it, so I keep it discreet. Yes. I’ve been having problems with my wrists, but I don’t want to admit it, because then it’s really happening. I’m terrified to talk about what happened in Ecuador, like if I do it’ll find someway to come back for me. That’s stupid. That all sounds so stupid, I’m sorry,” you sighed, turning over, your back now facing him. 

Without missing a beat, Jensen rolled over behind you, putting his arm around your waist and pulling you close, your head tucked under his. “Y/N. You beautiful, lovable idiot, I will never, _never_ , be upset with you. You are healing and grieving and everyone does that differently. I don’t know everything that happened, but I know that you will get to that point where you will be ok to talk about whatever you need to, to help you heal. This entire thing is a process, and I, nor anyone else, can tell you one way or another on how to get through it. You will know when you need help, and when you’re ready to open up about it. Until then, I will be by your side every day, and every day after. I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me Y/N/N.”

You stayed there for a minute, moving one hand down to meet his on your waist, before turning around. “Thank you, Jen. I get stuck in my head and start doubting everything, feeling like I should be over it all by now.” 

“I will always be here to help you back out, you don’t have to be alone in this anymore, ok?” he said, brushing his thumb across your cheek, leaning down to kiss you. “But, I do need you to do something for me,” he said, making you freeze. 

“Ok…?” 

“If your wrists are becoming a problem, you need to go to the doctor. Putting it off will just make them worse. Please?” 

You nodded, knowing exactly what the doctor had to say. You nodded, knowing that it was time for this long-term plan of yours with the café to finally start. “I will.” 

“Good. Now. What on earth is this Tennis Cake that they’re supposed to be making?” He said, rolling you back over so you were once again laying into his side; your head on his chest. You laughed, remembering the first time you watched this episode, “It’s a fruit cake, with a tennis court on top made out of marzipan, fondant and royal icing. And yes. It’s weird, but apparently a thing.” 

It wasn’t too long after that, that the lull of Jensen’s steady breathing pulled you into sleep.


	23. Relax

The rest of the week came and went. Jensen having the time off, took the opportunity to decorate the apartment for Christmas. You however, were busy at the café with all of the Christmas shoppers and pastry orders. He had asked you one night if you were ok with him having done the decorating, which you told him that you were fine with it. You told him that since you lived away from your parents and your dad was always somewhere new, you never had Christmas in the same spot more that a couple years in a row, so you rarely had decorations or any sort of tree. You were happy though, finally having a real, decorated Christmas. 

Even with the three of you working, you were still managing twelve and thirteen hour days. Needless to say, your hands weren’t going to make it through the New Year at this rate. You came home one night after work, absolutely exhausted, and quite frankly, frustrated. You knew you only had so much time left before things went past the point of no return. 

Hearing you come through the door and hanging your purse up, Jensen came out of the kitchen having been getting dinner ready for when you got home. “Hey baby, how was work?” He asked, pulling you into a hug. 

“Long, tiring, busy and I don’t want to see another peppermint anything for the next 30 years. And they hurt,” the last bit coming out a bit more whiny than you ever intended. “Your wrists?” he asked you. Nodding into his chest was his only response. 

“How about you go take a shower, change and have some dinner. It’s chicken noodle soup, homemade.” You nodded again, trudging off to the bedroom. He wasn’t wrong, the shower and change of clothes helped considerably, though the pain was still there. You went back out to Jensen waiting for you in the kitchen to dish out the soup. He poured the soup into a couple of mugs, so that it would be easier to eat and you could cozy up on the couch. 

As you sat there watching TV, you realized your lotion was sitting on the coffee table. “Uhh…Jen? Is there a reason this is out here? Were you bored today?” you said with a suspicious smile. “What? No! I brought it out while you were in the shower. Are you done eating?” Looking at him with a questioning look, you replied with a simple, “Yeah.” 

“Ok, turn towards me,” he instructed you, taking your mug and setting it on the coffee table. Taking some of the lotion in his big hands, he let it warm up for a few moments before taking one of your hands and gently massaging your forearm, wrists, hands and fingers. You couldn’t help the moan that left you, resting your head on the back of the couch and closing your eyes. Nothing was said between the two of you while he massaged everything that hurt, his strong, warm hands were amazingly delicate considering how big they were. He was also careful around the spots that were the most sensitive. 

“Y/N/N?” he said, stirring you from you state of bliss you were currently enjoying. 

“Hm?”

“Have you talked to the doctor yet?” he asked, the question covered in concern. 

“Yeah, they don’t have anything available until the beginning of next year. Like February or March.”

“Ok.” 

Jensen quietly went about massaging your hands and arms, helping you let go of all of the tension that had built up. You were sitting there at this point transfixed on his actions. When he finished, he still had one of your hands in his, pulling you in, “Feel better?” You smiled back at him, “Much better, thank you,” you whispered reveling in the fact that they didn’t hurt for the time being. You’re lips met his, slow but needy kisses between the two of you. He let go of your hand, and a small defeated sounding moan left your lips. Chuckling, Jensen asked, “What’s wrong?” as he caressed your cheek. 

“Nothing. It just felt good, I didn’t want you to stop,” you told him, missing the strong but gentle touches from before. “Well, let’s go to bed and I’ll give you a back massage, hm?” Nodding, you let him take your hand as he grabbed the lotion in the other, and lead you to the bedroom. When you got there, he set the lotion down, turning you to face him, silently brushing stray hairs away from your face. He kissed you again, slowly, moving along your jaw. 

As he got to the crook of your neck heading to your collarbone, he started unbuttoning the flannel that you had put on after your shower, slipping it off your shoulders when he was done. His kisses never ceased, moving to your shoulders, the swell of your breasts, down between them and to your stomach. Kneeling down, he slid your leggings off of your legs, leaving a few kisses there as well. 

When they were off, you started to reach for the clasp of your bra, before you felt his hand on your arm, “No, not yet,” he breathed. “Lay down, on your stomach.” 

You did what was asked of you, lying in the middle of the bed, your head resting on the pillow. You were facing away from Jensen, but you heard him undressing, just before the bed dipped under his weight. You felt the bottle of lotion settle next to you as he straddled your thighs, leaning over to whisper in your ear, “Are you ok? I’m not hurting you am I?” You shook your head no, already lost to the moment. 

The lotion was cold on your back, making you inhale sharply at the contact, the discomfort quickly dissipating. Warm hands were now massaging your neck and shoulders, working their way down your back, finding all of the sore spots from where you held your stress, running his fingers over the scars, some angrier than others. Small involuntary moans escaped you every now and then, but you didn’t care, it felt way too good. 

Jensen was making slow, calculated movements, focusing on some areas where he felt were tighter, working away the tension. It wasn’t too long into it that he unclasped your bra so that he didn’t have the interference of it anymore. He worked his way back up to your neck, knowing it was one of the spots that bothered you the most, taking the most care with it. 

Sliding his fingers to your shoulders, and down the outside of your back, his fingers lightly grazed the sides of your breasts. A moan from deep down slipped out, Jensen knowing the cause of that one. When his hands got to your hips he leaned down again, “How does that feel?” he asked, something darker in his voice this time. Without answering, your arched your back, which sent your ass right into his hardening cock. 

He laughed, darkness behind that too, before moving off of you and sliding your panties down ever so painstakingly slow, taking his boxers off after. He rolled you over, tossing the unwanted bra to the floor, motioning for you to sit up, as he sat on the bed leaning against the headboard. Following his silent lead, you straddled him, wrapping your arms around his neck; he held one hand on your hip, and the other on his cock. Looking at you, asking you without words if you were ready, you nodded, slowly lowering yourself on him. Neither of you were in any rush tonight; wanting to take things nice and slow, enjoy the feeling of each other. 

As the moments passed, not a lot was said, not that it needed to be. Both of your breathing had picked up, you getting closer to your end, which he could feel. He pulled you in, holding you close to his body, thrusting harder inside of you. Leaning into your neck, he was barely able to get the words out, “Y/N…I’m…I’m close,” he managed. All you could do was nod your head and say ‘yes’, as your hand snaked around the back of his neck. 

You felt one of his hands unwind from your back, sliding between your bodies, his finger finding your clit. All it took was a couple flicks of his finger and you were gone, letting out a cry as he rode your through your climax, following you not a moment later. He slowed his movements, eventually stopping, but staying inside of you, holding you close again. 

Giving you slow, lazy kisses anywhere he could he asked, “How do you feel now?” a hint of playfulness in his question. Letting out a laughing moan into his shoulder you replied, “Much more relaxed. Thank you.”

He helped you off and you cleaned up, forgetting the clothes for the rest of the night. The two of you got back in bed, Jensen pulling you towards his chest, arm wrapped around your waist, kissing the back of your neck. 

“Goodnight Y/N” was the last thing you heard that night.


	24. Snowflakes and Eggnog

Christmas was finally here, and the café was thankfully closed for a few days so you didn’t have to worry about feeling guilty about not working over the holiday. Jensen had woken you up with breakfast in bed, going all out with eggs benedict, potatoes, fruit, coffee and juice. “Wow, that smells amazing!” you exclaimed, stretching as you sat up in bed for him to set the tray down. “What’s the occasion?” you asked him. 

“Well, it _is_ our first Christmas together, I wanted it to be special,” he said, pulling you in for a kiss. “Now eat up, and then it’s time for presents!” You couldn’t help yourself from giggling at him. “Aw, you’re so precious. You’re just a big kid on Christmas morning,” you teased him. 

After he shrugged with the dopiest grin on his face as you asked where his breakfast was. “In the kitchen,” was his reply. “Well go get it and get back in bed mister! I’m not eating alone.” He was back in seconds carrying his plate of food. You had already started eating; the moans escaping your lips at the deliciousness were unstoppable. “Jen, you made this? The hollandaise?” you asked, surprise coating the question. 

“Uhh…yeah?” he replied, confused. 

“It’s amazing! Like…it might just rival the hollandaise _I_ make! This is _really_ good,” you said as you kept eating. “Where did you learn how to make this?”

“Well…I found this recipe book some where, seemed kind of old, green and blue cover; tape practically holding the thing together,” he was telling you, watching your reaction as you ate. “There was a little note in the margin of the recipe saying to add extra paprika and a dash of Tabasco…” he trailed off laughing. You were sitting there, mid bite, realizing he was talking about the cookbook your mother had given you when you moved out. You groaned, figuring out he had used your recipe for it. 

All you could do was shake your head as a smirk rested on your lips. “Well…it’s still good. Good job at reading the instructions,” you teased. 

After you finished breakfast, you helped clear the plates and tidy the kitchen, almost drawing out the time before gifts, just to see how long Jensen could last. “Y/N!” he drawled out, whining almost. You turned around trying to suppress the laugh that wanted to escape. “Excuse me. Are you _whining_ Ackles?” you asked, finally laughing at him. “Sorry,” he said, his head hanging down like he just got in trouble. 

You walked over to him, wrapping your arm around his waist, bringing a finger up to lift his chin. “You’re being so adorable today. It’s cute,” you said, with a kiss to his nose. “Ok kid, let’s go open presents,” his eyes visibly brightening at the words before he grabbed your hand and started walking you to the living room. It was when you left the kitchen that you spotted something shining on the ground. 

“What the…” you started, picking it up, before noticing another one, and another, and then the rest of the trail of shiny gold chocolate coins going towards the living room and ending at the tree. “How did you…I never told you about this,” you started saying just as you looked up and into the decorated room, still holding Jensen’s hand.

There was a fire going, the tree was decorated and the radio was playing the soft melodies of classic carols; Burl Ives’ _Have a Holly Jolly Christmas_ was currently coming out of the speakers. The stockings were hung up, there was a little puffy snowman statue by the fireplace and a red fuzzy throw blanket that replaced the normal blue one on the back of the couch and you saw snow falling softly outside through the living room windows.

The tree was lit in white lights with color coordinating red and silver ornaments; a small stack of wrapped gifts sat underneath and of course an angel on top. There was even the scent of cinnamon in the air. It really was something out of a magazine. You couldn’t help but stand there and stare at the sight before you, feeling Jensen’s eyes on you, you turned to look at him, a wide smile on his face. 

“I called your mom, asked her what she used to do for you at Christmas and she told me about the coins. She also mailed me a few of your tree ornaments and your stocking. Even though you’re somewhere new again for the holidays, I wanted you to have some familiar things. Is it ok?” he asked, almost concerned that you were actually going to say no. 

“Jen, it’s…it’s perfect! I’ve never had a real Christmas before. I’m glad that my first one is with you,” you said as he pulled you into a hug and kissed your temple. Smiling still, he whispered, “Go open your stocking,” walking over to get it from off the mantle. There were your general stocking items, little candies and trinkets. As you got to the bottom you felt a hard plastic card, thinking it was a gift card of some type. Pulling it out, you saw the show name on one side with “Set Access Pass” in bold letters on the bottom, flipping it over you saw your name, followed by ‘Ackles’. 

“Is this…” you trailed off, looking up at him. 

“It is. I’ve noticed you’ve been taking more time off of work, so now if you ever need anything to do, you’re welcome to come to the set and hang out.” 

“And they won’t mind?” You asked, suddenly worried that someone would tell you no. Chuckling, Jensen said, “No, I talked to Bob and he’s ok with it. He’s the one that signed off on it actually.” Looking back down to the card in your hands you whispered a small, “Thank you.” 

The two of you continued to open presents while sipping on eggnog. As Jensen took a drink he started laughing, not that anything funny was said. 

“Something you’d like to share with the rest of us?” you looked at him with a smirk on your face. 

“I was just thinking back to season three, when we filmed the Christmas episode, Sam went all out for Dean to try to have a ‘normal’ Christmas,” he started, you telling him that you remember that episode. “Well, we were supposed to pretend that the eggnog we were drinking was spiked. It turned out that Jared had _actually_ poured whiskey in the cup when I wasn’t around; a _lot_ of whiskey. I think my reaction in the show is the legit reaction to drinking the spiked eggnog.” 

The two of you were on the couch trying to control your fits of laughter, telling him that you wanted to re-watch that episode later. After you had calmed, and the last present had been opened, you sat there in Jensen’s arms. “There’s one more,” he said to you, low in your ear. “No there’s not, there’s nothing under the tree,” you looked up at him, slightly confused. “Go look again,” he said with a glint of mischief in his eye. 

You went over to the tree, got on your knees and looked under, seeing the small glimmer of silver wrapping paper tucked behind where the other gifts sat earlier that day. You pulled it out and went back to the couch to sit next to Jensen. It was a flat rectangular box, the size of maybe a small novel. You looked at him again, and he just smiled and nodded for you to open it. After you ripped the paper off, you undid the snap that was holding the two-door lid of the black box shut and slowly opened it. Inside was the most gorgeous necklace you had ever laid your eyes on. 

It was a round diamond, centered in the middle of twelve smaller diamonds of two different sizes, all set in white gold. With the setting of the outside diamonds, the whole thing looked like a snowflake, for Christmas. You ran a delicate finger over it, admiring it. “Jen, it’s…it’s gorgeous. I love it!” you whispered. “It looks like…” still in awe over it, unable to finish your sentence. 

“A snowflake. For our first Christmas,” he said with a smile. You looked up at him, a new sparkle in your eye, as he leaned down and kissed you. “Merry Christmas, Y/N.” 

“Merry Christmas, Jen.”

\---

The next week was relaxing. You spent the days cuddled with Jensen in bed or on the couch, watching old Christmas movies or going out around Vancouver, seeing the city all decorated for the holidays. A lot of the cast members were flying home the last couple days of December so that you could all get together for New Years, before filming started the following week. 

Jared hosted the party, since he had a house there that actually had room for everyone and their significant others; he even flew Gen up for the festivities. 

You saw Briana and ran over to her wrapping her up in a big hug, having not seen her for a few weeks. “Hey baby girl!” she said, stepping back from you, taking your hand in hers and spinning you around; admiring the dress you got just for the occasion. It was a knee length, red satin A-Line silhouette dress. It had a sweetheart neckline, with a nude colored mesh lining that went up to the neck and down the arms, mimicking long sleeves. Embellished on the mesh lining were red beads and lace, accenting the neckline, covering the shoulders and running along the arms and framing the zipper. 

After obsessing over your dress, her eye caught on the sparkle that was sitting around your neck. She audibly gasped when she saw it, “Y/N! That is _gorgeous_! A Christmas gift I’m guessing?” 

The smile on your face was all the answer she needed. “So…any other pieces of jewelry…?” She asked, nudging you with her elbow. You laughed, “No Bri, you would have been one of the first few to find out if there was.” 

You looked over at Jensen who was talking with Jared and Gen, giving him a smile, hoping that Briana was right, that maybe there would be a ring sometime. 

Jensen’s POV

It was great to be back together with the cast again, watching Y/N talk to everyone always put a smile on my face. I saw Briana gushing about the necklace, which made me laugh, knowing that the conversation about a ring was soon to follow. _One day…I definitely know that I want to ask…the question is when._ I also didn’t pass notice on the dress that Y/N was wearing; it looked absolutely perfect on her. The conversation I had been having with Jared and Gen pulled me out of my thoughts. 

“How’s she doing?” Jared asked, a look of concern crossing his face. 

“She’s doing ok, we talked a little about it one night, the week before Christmas. She said she called the doctor, but that she can’t get in until sometime in February or March.” I told them. I was trying so hard at this point to keep my voice even, “It’s getting worse though. She’s been working less; she said that she hired someone to help when she’s not there. I just don’t know what to do or how to help her. I don’t want anything serious to happen if she keeps pushing this off…”

Gen put a hand on my arm to try to comfort me, “I know sweetie. But she needs to do what she feels is right for her. Just be there for her.”

Y/N walked over to us a moment after that, “Hey! How was your Christmas?” giving both Jared and Gen hugs. 

“It was really good, it was nice to spend a little time at home. We missed you guys though,” Jared told her. 

“I know, but your break time is my busy season, so I had to stick around and help out some at the café.”

“So, I hear you’re going to be hanging out on set with us now?” Jared asked her, making her smile. 

“Yeah! I mean, whenever you guys want me to I suppose, although if you were to actually say no, I’m sure you could be persuaded with some cookies…” she laughed. _That laugh, I want to be able to hear the laugh everyday…_

“I will do anything for your chocolate chip cookies!” Jared exclaimed. Gen just rolled her eyes, “He would, literally anything.” 

The night went on, everyone mingling and telling stories of their winter breaks as the countdown played on the TV. I heard Misha somewhere in the living room announce that there was fifteen seconds left, to which people found their significant others, Y/N having been by my side the entire night. 

“Five…Four…Three…Two…One! Happy New Year!” everyone counted down together, sharing their midnight kisses with their loved ones, blowing horns and popping confetti poppers. In that moment, everything seemed to slow down, as I wrapped my arms around Y/N, pulling her close and kissing her so deeply, passionately, that I had to remember we were with thirty of our closest friends. 

When I finally, and unwillingly, broke away from her, I brushed my thumb across her cheek, whispering ‘I love you’. She smiled, saying it back, when I lowered my head to her ear away from everyone else. Whispering low so only she could hear me, “And we will _certainly_ be finishing that kiss when we get home later,” giving her a kiss on the cheek as she bit her bottom lip to stifle the whimper that just ever so slightly escaped. 

The night carried on for another hour or so, before we decided that it was time to go home and finish what I had started.


	25. Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Panic attack

Work had started back up for Jensen a week into the New Year, while you did a couple days a week at the café and spent a couple days on set with Jensen. He spent some time between filming to show you around the set, introduce you to some people, including Bob, taking you to see the bunker, Hell and of course the Impala. Once you felt comfortable being on your own, you walked around taking in all of the sites again, falling in love with the library, even if it was fake.

You were having a great time around set, being able to watch them film, setting up scenes and seeing how things work before it got to the screen. The episode that they were filming was one with Jody and Donna, so Briana was going to be there today. You were talking to Jensen before the scene started when Briana came up to you a la Sherriff Handscum. Albeit a little worn for wear, showing off a bloody lip, some cuts and scrapes and bloodstains on her uniform. She gave you a big hug, asking how your day was going. “It’s good! It’s really cool to see this side of things, how everything is done. What are you working on today?” 

Jensen cut in, “Well the sheriffs here get into a little situation and the boys need to come and rescue them,” he said with a laugh to Briana, who suddenly looked at you with concern, Jensen missing it completely. 

“Sweetie, Kim and I are filming a kidnapping scene…and we’re the victims. Tied up, not treated real well,” she told you, motioning to the make up and fake blood on her uniform, gauging your reaction. 

Jensen’s hand was on your waist, although you weren’t sure if he could feel your body stiffen at the mention of the scene material. You smiled, a nervous smile, at Briana, “I’ll be fine, it’s all make believe, right?” She looked you over, deciding if the answer was good enough, “You sure you’ll be ok?” You nodded, hoping she was convinced.

Jensen walked away with Briana, giving you a quick kiss before leaving, missing the apprehension that Briana had for you and watching this scene. From what you could see, Kim and Briana had their part; Jensen would go in first, followed by Jared, wherever he happened to be since he wasn’t with them. You were standing a decent ways behind the cameras and chairs, making sure that you were never in the way of anyone. 

They set the scene up, putting Kim and Briana in chains, tied above their heads in a set that looked like a dungeon or basement of some kind. Their makeup was starting to look quite realistic, now that they were on the set, Kim sporting a black eye. _It’s all make believe, I was in the make up trailer. None of that’s real._

They went through the first take, which Jensen had told you they usually do just so the actors can get a feel for the scene. Once the scene was reset, they went again, this time making it a little more believable; a little _too_ believable. 

All of a sudden the flashbacks started, having a hard time being able to tell anymore the difference between the flashbacks and the scene being filmed in front of you. You started walking backwards, trying to get away from what was going on, surprisingly being quiet, since you hadn’t heard them cut yet. 

Suddenly you ran into a solid wall of muscle behind you, two large hands catching you before you fell, however those hands were the tipping point to your break. Startled at the run in and the hands on your arms, you looked up at him and ran. You knew where Jensen’s trailer was, you had been in it countless times, thankfully knowing how to get there without thinking about it. Cliff was outside the door, seeing the scared look on your face. “Y/N, what’s wrong?” He said, obviously worried that something more than your panic attack that was happening. 

“Cliff, can I…go… I need…Please,” you could barely ask him to open the door. “Do you want me to call Jensen?” 

“No! No, he’s busy,” you said, practically slurring your words in your haste and confusion, you rushed inside, going right to the bedroom and locking the door. Your breathing was heavy and erratic, your eyes were flooding with tears, and the only images floating around your head were of the days that you were chained up much the same way that you had just been witness to not five minutes ago. 

Everything came back, the cold iron on your wrists that were rubbed raw from trying to escape, the cuts and burns all over your arms and shoulders, the cut on your leg. The pain in your wrists from being bound, knowing that everything that had been done when you were little to help you, was suddenly worthless. 

As you sat there in the corner of the bedroom trying to breathe, trying to ground yourself, you could feel the pain all over your body, the healed scars suddenly searing again like they were just made. 

You didn’t know how long you sat there, trying to pull yourself out of these memories that you knew were just that, memories that weren’t really happening. You were so far gone into the panic attack that you didn’t even hear the trailer door open or Jensen calling for you on the other side of the bedroom door. 

You screamed when you saw a body in front of you, as it grabbed your arms, through the flood of tears not realizing whom it was; or that he was trying to calm you down, telling you to breathe, trying to get you to match his breaths.


	26. Reaction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From Jensen's POV, panic attack, use of klonopin

Kim, Briana and I were going through the second take of the scene, Y/N standing a ways away from everyone. Once I was in Dean’s frame of mind, trying to save two people he cared about, I didn’t notice anything that had happened around us. 

Jared came over to me after the scene cut, a look of worry on his face. “Dude, Y/N just lost it and ran out. She was watching you guys film, she ran backwards into me…and didn’t seem to know to who I was.” 

Briana walked over just then, “What’s going on? Where’s Y/N?” 

“Apparently she lost it and ran out, I’m assuming my trailer? I don’t know where else she would go.” 

“Shit.” 

That was enough to worry me, as I yelled to Bob that we needed a break, I ran out not knowing what I was running into. I got to my trailer and Cliff was standing there. “Is she,” before I could even finish, he answered my question.

“Jen, I’m sorry man, she told me not to get you,” he started. 

“It’s fine Cliff, it’s not your fault.” 

The three of us ran in as I called her name, not seeing her in the main room, but noticing the closed bedroom door. I tried to open it, only to find it locked, and Y/N still not responding to me. The noises I heard from the other side of the door damn near sent me into a tailspin; I couldn’t get it open fast enough. _Fuck! It’s locked from the other side. Seriously?! No way to get it from here?!_ Knowing that the only reason this was so difficult was because I was panicking. 

Somehow remembering that I had Dean’s lock pick in my pocket, thinking I would never actually use it, I managed to get the lock open easily considering the state my brain was in. It may have been just an RV door, but it had a fairly decent lock on it. Swinging the door open I froze, my heart shattering when I got in the bedroom. She was curled up on the floor in the space between the bed and the wall hugging her knees, screaming for it to stop. 

I was in front of her in three steps and when she looked up and screamed again; I didn’t know if it was because she wasn’t expecting me or she was so far into this attack that she didn’t recognize me. Either way, I felt my heart break even more than it already was. I knew Jared and Briana were standing there, and I also knew that neither of them were going to leave her. 

“Y/N, sweetheart it’s me. It’s Jensen. Can you look at me?” I asked her, managing to put both hands on her cheeks to help direct her gaze. It took a couple minutes, she kept her eyes wrenched shut. But when she was finally able to look at me, it was an automatic transition; anyone of us could see the moment in her eye when she recognized me, throwing her arms around my neck, body still wracked with heavy sobs.

“Y/N, I need to you breathe for me, give me your hand, remember?” I asked her, putting her hand on my chest and taking slow deep breaths, trying to get her to follow suit. I turned back to Jared, “Hey, can you ask Bob if I can have at least a couple hours, I’ll stay late if I have to.” He nodded, staying there for a moment before turning and walking out with an expression I only ever saw from him because of Sam.

I heard Briana talking, but didn’t know what she was saying, until she put her hand on my shoulder, “Hon, I have a Klonopin in my purse, I’m going to go get it and some water for her, I’ll be right back, ok?” All I could do was shake my head, keeping my eyes on Y/N. I wanted so bad to break down, to cry and to hold her. But I knew that she needed me strong and functioning, to make it through this. 

Y/N kept saying incoherent words that I couldn’t piece together. She kept repeating that it hurt, her arms and wrists, the knives, the chains; _Oh god what happened to her?_

Coaxing her to slow her breathing again, I finally felt her coming back. Her body not tormented with the heavy sobs anymore, but still crying. Her hand was still on my chest, clenching my shirt now, and I was still whispering for her to breathe, in between telling her that she was safe. Briana came back with the pill and water and set it on the bed, knowing she wasn’t in a state to take it just yet. 

Feeling like she was maybe calmed down enough, I tried to get her to look at me or talk. “Y/N, can you look at me, do you know where you are?” I asked her. She nodded, and through red rimmed and tear filled eyes and a horse throat she managed to say, “Your trailer.” 

“Ok, that’s good, baby. Do you want to sit or lay on the bed? Or the couch?” Hoping she would answer one or the other, since my leg started cramping in the small space. But I knew I would stay there for another five hours if she needed me to. 

“Bed” she said quietly. I helped her up, pulled back the covers then took off her coat, followed by her shoes once she was sitting. “Do you think you can drink some water and take this for me? It’s just a Klonopin; it’ll help relax you. Is that ok?” I had both in my hands and she nodded, taking the pill as I opened the water for her. 

“Can you lay down for me? I’m going to talk to Briana real quick, then I’ll be back, ok?” She nodded again and I turned to leave, fully expecting Briana to still be in the doorway, surprised when I found it empty. I shut the door behind me and saw Briana on the couch, trying to wipe away her own tears. 

“Bri, what the hell was that? That was full-blown panic attack. What happened?!” I asked her, scrubbing my hands over my face. 

She exhaled slowly, trying to put her thoughts together, finally answering. “It was the scene we were shooting, Kim and I. Y/N will have to tell you more. Jen, I haven’t seen her like this since she came home…” she paused, almost lost in the thought of what I could only assume was Y/N after she flew back to Vancouver.

“She was kidnapped when she went down to find her brother; by the same people that killed him. She was held captive and tortured for days; I know you’ve seen the scars and burns on her. That’s why I asked her before we started if she was ok; I had a feeling that it might trigger something. But I had _no_ idea that it would ever be that bad. Jen, I’m so sorry,” she said with her head in her hands. 

I was sitting next to her on the couch by now, putting a hand on her shoulder. “It’s not your fault, you were looking out for her and she thought she was fine. It’s ok,” I told her, rubbing her shoulder. 

“I should go back to the set, I’ll talk to Bob. I’ll make sure they know you need some time. Text me if you need anything.”

“Thanks.” I walked her to the door, asking Cliff to not let anybody knock or come in until I came out later. 

I went back into the bedroom and slipped off Dean’s coat, flannel and boots leaving me in a t-shirt and jeans and climbed in bed with Y/N. Small tears were still falling, but her breathing had slowed and she seemed close to being asleep, the Klonopin working in her system. “Sweetheart?” I whispered, not wanting to startle her, but wanting to see if she wanted me close to her. It was a relief to me when she snuggled closer, although devastating when she clutched my shirt in her hands, probably scared that if she let go she would go back to wherever she thought she was a minute ago. 

I wrapped my arms around her, “I’m not going anywhere baby, I’m right here. I got you.” I heard her whispering, not making out what she was saying at first, she was talking into my chest and her throat was still horse from the crying. 

“What, baby?” 

“I’m sorry…I wa’so scared…It hurts Jen. It still hurts…everything…” she said, the words coherent but not making much sense to me still. “Shh. You’re safe here. I’ve got you, try to sleep a little and then we can talk, ok?” I told her, really hoping that the pill would take away the ability to dream for a short while. 

I finally felt her relax, slow breaths coming from her as I rubbed her back and held her, never wanting to let her go. _What could they have possibly done to her? What did she see? Why would they do this?_

I was surprised that I had managed to fall asleep with her, waking up maybe an hour later, holding her just as tight as I had been when we had drifted off. I only woke up because she stirred in my arms. 

“Hey Y/N/N, how are you feeling?” I asked her quietly, brushing her hair back, running a thumb over her cheek and lips, kissing her forehead. 

“Tired. Sad. Confused. I’m sorry that happened. Did I interrupt filming? Is Bob mad at me? He probably doesn’t want me here anymore,” she started rambling on, the grogginess evident in her words. 

“Shh, no sweetheart. You didn’t interrupt anything. And you have no reason to be sorry. We’ve talked about this,” I reminded her. 

“I know, but I didn’t know something like that would happen again, especially in front of you. I thought I was passed it,” she told me. 

“It’s ok, I’m just glad that you’re ok now. I’m going to go talk to Bob, let him know what happened. I kind of skipped out of shooting that scene for the last couple hours. Let me go talk to him, see what I can do about reshoots and then I’ll come back, Ok? Maybe an hour or so,” Y/N nodded, trying to stay awake, fighting the Klonopin that was still in her body. 

“Sleep sweetheart, it’s ok. Cliff is right outside the door if you need anything, he’s not leaving,” I told her, hoping she could have some peaceful sleep while I was gone. 

I put the clothes that I had discarded back on, hoping they weren’t too wrinkled, _Don’t really want the wardrobe ladies on my case today_ …I quietly pulled closed the bedroom door on my way out, asked Cliff to not leave until I got back, and to call me if he heard anything out of Y/N. 

Heading back to the set I caught up with Bob, hoping to God that he didn’t rail me for what happened. “Hey, Bob, I’m really sorry about that. What setbacks to the schedule did it cause?” I asked, fearing the worst. 

It looked like he was considering what to tell me first, the good or bad news. “Well Jen, you got lucky this week. We were able to switch around some scenes and got a few things that were supposed to happen later in the week done today. So it wasn’t a total wash. In fact, you can take the rest of the afternoon off, and have a 3:00 pm call time tomorrow.” 

Clasping a hand on his shoulder, the relief washing over me, I thanked him. “Don’t thank me Jen, thank your coworkers,” he motioned over to where the three of them stood, along with the episode guests. “So go home and take care of Y/N. From the sounds of it, she needs you right now.” 

“Thanks.”

I walked over to where Kim, Briana and Jared all stood. “How’s she doing,” Kim asked first, putting a hand on my arm. 

My opposite hand went to the back of my neck as I let out a long exhale, finally having a second to gather my thoughts. Responding to all of them, “She’s fine, I mean not fine, but doing better. Thank you Bri, for that, it helped her.”

“No problem at all sweetie. I actually had that one in my purse because of Y/N last year, just in case. I guess I forgot it was there until…” she trailed off, not needing to finish the statement.

“We slept for a bit, and she’s sleeping more of it off now. God, you guys…” I started tearing up quite considerably. Scrubbing my hands over my face, Jared’s hand went to my shoulder, not needing to say anything.

I couldn’t help it. Thinking back to running into the bedroom with Y/N in the corner like that, talking her out of the place she thought she was, to come back to me. I tried to control the tears, even if these people were some of my closest friends; I hated crying in front of them. But I just hurt so much knowing that Y/N was hurting like that, and now that I had a minute to process everything, it was hitting me.

Reining it in, I continued, “I’m going to go take her home, Bob gave me a late call tomorrow, so we’re going to go talk about some things.” Breathing shakily I turned to Briana. “I’m not going to like what she has to say at all, am I?” I knew the answer. _The poor girl was kidnapped and tortured for fucks sake. No good will come out of that story._

Briana just shook her head, looking at me with sorry eyes, “I’m sorry sweetie. It’s going to be a rough one. But she needs you, all of you.”

Kim and Briana each gave me a hug before they left to go work on a couple other scenes. I turned to Jared, who gave me one as well, letting me break down into his shoulder for a moment as he hugged me. “Hey man, if you need anything, you know I’m here for you both, just call.” The hug lasted for a few moments; it was the usual Sam and Dean heartfelt and teary-eyed hug. But it was comforting, and it was something I needed. “Thanks Jar.” 

I turned to walk away, stopping at the make up trailer to get the makeup and remnants of fake blood off, then went back to my trailer to change and get Y/N. 

“Hey, how was she?” I asked Cliff as I opened the door. 

“Not a sound.” 

Taking a second I paused, relieved, that I could take her home, hoping that we could talk about everything. “Cliff, I’m going to change and we’ll be ready to head out, is that ok?” 

“Sure thing, Jen.”

I went back inside, quietly opening the bedroom door to see her twisted in the sheet, her jeans and the comforter thrown off onto the floor. I smiled at the site, admiring how peaceful she looked, but remembering what it took to get here. I walked over to her side of the bed and knelt down, rubbing my finger along her nose. After a moment she stirred, opening her eyes and looking into mine. 

“Hey baby girl,” I whispered. She smiled at me, a cute sleepy smile, managing a horse, “Hi.” Rubbing my hand over her hair, I asked if she was ready to go home, she nodded and slowly sat up. I picked up the water that was next to her and handing it to her, “Here, this will help your throat, and then we can make some tea at home.” 

While she took a few small sips of the water, I picked up her jeans, trying to lighten the mood, “What happened in here? Get in a fight with the covers and jeans?” She got out a small laugh responding, “No, I got hot.” 

_I probably shouldn’t be thinking this, all things considered, but God she looks so adorable all sleepy head like. One day, I just know it._


	27. The Trip

Later that evening, after you had taken yet another nap, you were sitting on the couch with Jensen with a mug of tea, trying to fight of the physical and mental exhaustion from the day. You hadn’t even touched the conversation that was inevitable at this point, mainly because you just didn’t know where to start. _The beginning would probably be a good place…_

The two of you sat in silence on the couch, Jensen’s arm around you, going between brushing over your hair and drawing lazy circles on your shoulder. He finally broke the stillness, “Are you hungry? We can order out, or I can make you something?” 

It wasn’t until he started talking about food that your stomach grumbled, realizing that you hadn’t eaten anything since that morning. Apparently having a panic attack like that works up an appetite. You nodded looking up at him, “Peanut butter and jelly?” 

He kissed your forehead and smiled, “Coming right up.”

Jensen came back a few minutes later with a couple sandwiches and glasses of water, sitting next to you with a half cushion space between you, your back to the arm of the couch. You took one of the sandwiches and took a bite, trying to get your thoughts together so you could talk to him. For something that you not only went through, but played through in your head almost every day like a damn movie, you didn’t know how to put it into words. 

You took another bite of your sandwich, chewing almost methodically, and went for it. _Have to start somewhere and sometime, right?_

“Jen-“ you started, bringing his attention to you. 

_Good…now go somewhere with that…_

“I’m sorry about earlier, I scared you. Hell, I scared myself. I messed things up at work and I…” you got out before he cut you off. 

“Baby,” he started, taking your hand in his, “I know you may not believe it, but you have nothing to be sorry for. I promise. Today wasn’t your fault. What happened to you…it wasn’t your fault. You’re still healing and sometimes people overestimate themselves. It’s ok. But you’re right. I was terrified. Seeing you like that and not knowing how to help you…”

He let you sit there for a minute, you picking a crumb of bread off the sandwich as you debated if you were still hungry enough to eat. 

“You’re not going to like what I’m about to tell you,” you told him, your gaze in your lap, scared of crying again if you looked at him. 

“I know. I’ll be ok. You need to try Y/N/N. If we have to stop and finish tomorrow, that’s fine,” he told you softly, squeezing your hand reassuringly.

You gave him a small nod, still unsure, finding yourself at the beginning.

\--

_Jonathan had been in Ecuador for seven and a half months now helping after the earthquake hit. You always loved the job that he did, a pediatrician that went on world aid trips, helping and saving people. You would be lying if you said that you didn’t miss him, you had wished every day of every trip that he hurry up and come home so that you had your older brother back safe and sound._

_When you dropped him off for this trip, it felt different. The two of you had always been close, only being two years apart, he was your protector, you did almost everything together, even through the angsty teenage years; the two of you were thick as thieves. Maybe that’s why this trip felt different, because deep down you knew that this was going to be the trip that something happened. You didn’t want to think about that though. You wanted him to go down there and help the people like he always did and then come home._

_This trip **was** different, because he never made it back. _

_Jonathan always made sure to find time to email or Skype, even text or make a phone call; just something to reassure you that he was ok. He contacted you every Sunday, since that was his one day off, and at least one or two more times in the week if he could._

_Then one Sunday he didn’t. While you were upset by it, you pushed down your emotions and told yourself that maybe something came up, maybe there was another disaster somewhere and he didn’t have time to tell you or your parents that he was moving jobs. Monday came and went, along with Tuesday and Wednesday._

_Then you get a call from one of his friends down there. You’d talked to him a few times, knew who he was, how he knew your brother. He was an ally, someone you could trust. He called you Thursday morning telling you that Jonathan was in the hospital, stabbed. He said it wasn’t major; he would make it just fine, but that he wanted to let you know that he was there. He called you later that day to update you, Jonathan was able to go home the next day and he would make sure that he called when he got home._

_That was your brief moment of reprieve._

_Jonathan called you, as his friend had promised, the next day. You tried so hard to not yell at him, to not give him the third degree, to not beg him to come home. It all just fell out anyway. He knew you were protective and felt even more helpless the farther apart you were, or the scarier the country he was in. When you gave him a minute to actually get a few words into the conversation, you realized he was saying goodbye._

_And not a ‘see-ya-later’ goodbye…but a legit ‘I’m not coming home’ goodbye._

_He was telling you about what had happened, there were some kids that needed help after the earthquake and he helped them, he was doing his job. But one of them was worse off than the rest, the job of getting him patched up and on the road to healing extremely difficult. In the end he lost him. He had never lost a child like that before._

_As it so happened, that child happened to be the child of one of the prominent mafia families there. Despite the aide organizations best efforts at keeping certain information private for the safety of the doctors, they found your brother. It took them a few months, but when they did, he was followed. Every move he made was watched. They found out where he lived, what he name was, where he was from, and all about his family. They had pictures of him, stalked his social media accounts. Needless to say, the mafia wanted him gone._

_Eye for an eye and all that._

_You told him to go to the cops, pleaded with him to go get help. Get a lawyer that helps out of country citizens. There had to be someone he could go to. He told you no, that the police and detectives and half the lawyers were dirty, they did everything for money, and he knew they wouldn’t help him._

_As he told you all of this, you were coming up with a plan to get down there. Take out your savings, buy a plane ticket and go find him. You had his address because he sent you a birthday card a few months ago. When you told him of this plan that you were coming up with, he almost yelled into the phone; he had never yelled at you before. He begged you to stay there, to let whatever happens; happen. That he loved you and missed you, and of course loved mom and dad. You told him to wait just another few days, since that’s how long it was going to take to get your papers in order for traveling._

_He of course told you to not go down there, to promise that you wouldn’t. He told you he loved you so much, and to take care of mom and dad. That he’d see you when he saw you, and to do good._

_And then he was gone._

_Little sisters never listen though, do they? No. No they don’t. You took out your savings. You only told Briana where you were going, despite her pleas of telling your parents, but you couldn’t trouble them with this yet, but someone had to know where you were. You forked over a hefty portion of your savings for the trip, a quick get in, get your brother and get the hell out of Dodge._

_You hoped._

_You still had the maps that Jonathan had sent you, showing the city that he was living in, where different things were, the shops he went to on his days off. With your camping backpack filled with the essentials for a week, the two years of high school Spanish you took, which you admitted were basically useless, and a hug from Briana at the airport you were off._

_The trip was brutal. Five hours to Houston with a six hour layover, five hours to Quito with a seven and a half hour layover and another hour to Cuenca. Talk about a long fucking day. Despite ending up only two hours ahead once you landed in Cuenca, the jetlag was horrendous._

_You found a cab and was able to ask for the park in the same block as where your brother was living. The hotel was the next corner from the park, and you didn’t feel comfortable telling people where you were staying. Jonathan had said people were dirty here, working for the mafia and such, so you wanted to be as careful as possible._

_It was only a twenty-minute drive through the winding streets filled with tiny colorful houses. But it was the longest twenty minutes of your life. Getting to the hotel and relying heavily on the translator on your phone, you got your room and dumped your stuff. It was only mid day so you decided to walk around and see some of the city._

_You walked passed the cathedral that you were right next door to, getting back to the park the size of a city block. It was bustling with people, some sitting drinking coffee, others playing instruments, and others just walking through to get to their destination faster. You looked around frantically, thinking that Jonathan could be there, but you couldn’t find him. You figured there was no use in yelling for him._

_You pulled out the map he gave you that had a little ‘X’ over the corner that he lived on, deciding to walk and try to find his apartment, realizing that it was the block next to where you were staying. It seemed to be an office type building on the first couple of floors with apartments on either end of it as well as on the higher floors. The day you were there, there seemed to be only one shop opened, a nice looking lady working there. You had your phone out, ready to type, knocking on the door, you asked in your best Spanish, which was horrible, if you could ask her a question._

_Ushering you inside you typed away frantically on your phone, hoping she could help you._

“Hello, my name is Y/N. I’m sorry I have to talk through here, I don’t know enough Spanish. I was wondering if you’ve seen this man? He’s my brother and I’m looking for him. Would you know where I could find him?

_You showed her the screen and while she read it you pulled a picture of Jonathan out of your pocket. As soon as she laid eyes on it, her hand went to her mouth covering the gasp that came out._

_“¿Hermano?”_

_You nodded, scared of what she was going to say next._

_After another moment she answered you via the translator on her computer, explaining that his apartment was actually right next door, but that she hadn’t seen him for a couple of days. Thinking back, it had been six days since you had talked to him. So much could have happened in that time._

_The two of you talked for another ten or fifteen minutes, telling her what you knew, what you were doing down there and asking her if there was anyway you could get in his apartment. She said that she knew the maintenance guy who worked there, and he was a friend of Jonathan’s. She called him and he was in the office within five minutes. You went over everything again, with him saying the same thing of not having seen him for a few days._

_He let you into the apartment, telling you that he would wait outside to make sure you were ok. You took the kind offer, feeling like you needed all the help you could get down there, not knowing that those would be two people on the very short list that you could trust._

_It was weird going into his apartment. It was absolutely trashed, for starters. Something happened. You took pictures, for what reason you weren’t sure; it wasn’t like the cops were going to help you with this. Jonathan had told you about a stash of money, couple thousand dollars, that he had there. Gone. You went through the small space real quick finding anything that you didn’t want anyone to have, or anything of sentimental value. His Saint Luke medal was tucked away in a little pouch on the desk, which you immediately put it around your neck, holding tight to it._

_There wasn’t much else you could take. You didn’t have the space to bring it home with you. You took a few pictures, some cards, and the cellphone and charger that were left behind. You noticed that the laptop and hard drive were gone, obviously the money, but he really didn’t have much else there so you couldn’t be sure what they took._

_Other than Jonathan._

_You left the apartment how you had found it, save for the few small things that you took. The maintenance man locked it back up, and you stopped to say thank you to the lady. She gave you a warm hug, telling you to please be careful while you were here, and if you needed anything, the two of them were there for you. They both also told you what a great man your brother was, which of course brought tears to your eyes._

_By the time you got back to the hotel, it was late afternoon. Shops and venders were closing up for the night and heading home. You went up to your room, not sure what you wanted to do with the rest of your evening. You obviously weren’t familiar with the city so you didn’t know how you felt about going around at night. As if on cue, your stomach grumbled. Loud. Realizing it had been a solid 30 hours since any decent food, you went to the little restaurant on the same block you were staying._

_This was your new favorite place, despite the circumstances. The food, the wine, the little old man that ran the place…it was quaint, someplace you could go to escape the reason of you being here. He was a nice man. Born and raised in Ecuador, but lived in the States for thirty years. He knew your brother as well, but it seemed like everyone did._

_After your dinner, that he only charged you half price for, he told you the same thing the other two did, to be careful. Stopping before you walked out, you turned to him and asked, “You’re the third person who’s said that to me today…do I not know something?”_

_He turned the end of the scarf he was wearing nervously in his hands, “Well, your brother, he was trying to save a child some months back…”_

_“He told me that. And that they had figured out who he was…”_

_“Darling, you’ve been here almost twelve hours. I can promise they know of you, and know you’re here. The mafia runs this city and has people everywhere. I can only try to help you, but you need to leave as quickly as you can. With or without him.”_

_You paled. White as Casper the ghost himself. What were you supposed to do with that information?_ Great, the mafia is probably after me too. 

\--

_You spent the next day at the hotel. They didn’t have room service, and the little breakfast they did have was already closed. You were even nervous to walk to the restaurant again, and you could practically see it from your window. The day was spent regretting everything. You shouldn’t have come. But you needed Jonathan back. Saying a silent prayer to anyone who would listen, you were glad that the hotel at least had Wi-Fi. Slow Wi-Fi, but they had it nonetheless. You decided to text Briana, having told you that she would answer no matter the hour._

_**Hey Bri, you busy?** _   
_Y/N!! OMGOD how are you?_   
_How is everything going?_   
_Are you ok?_   
_Do you need help?_   
_**Bri…** _   
_Sorry. I just haven’t talked to you in a while; I’m sitting here losing my mind._   
_**Bri…this is serious. I mean I knew it was before I got here…but I don’t know what I’m doing, how I’m going to get out of this, or if I’m even going to find Jonathan.** _   
_Y/N, if you don’t feel safe, go to the airport and get the first flight out, even if it’s out of the city, just…out. I can even call and arrange it. Hell, I’ll call the show and beg for the jet._   
_**Thanks Bri, but I’ll try to wait it out a couple more days. Maybe I’ll find something. I don’t want to leave if he’s here somewhere.** _   
_Ok, just be safe. I love you._   
_**Love you too** _

_The little old man from the restaurant messaged you that night. Surprised that you hadn’t come in for any meal, and was wondering if you were hungry. You were, eating whatever food you had left over from traveling just wasn’t cutting it. He said he could meet you in the lobby with a plate of food for you, which you let him since there wasn’t going to be anyway to tell him no. You appreciated him for that, and the warm meal that night._

_You ventured out the next day, not carrying around much. Wearing jeans, converse and your blue flannel, hair braided to the side, you had a raincoat with you, wallet, phone and not much else. There wasn’t a whole lot that you needed for a place like this. You wandered around the city aimlessly, not knowing where you were going or what you were looking for._

_Then it happened. Pulled into an alley, cloth over your face, no time to scream._


	28. The Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUPER tiny thought alluding to rape, the word or act itself isn't mentioned. Torture, in detail.

_You woke up some time later in a damp and dark room, musty smelling with cement walls, arms chained over your head. You were sore, figuring it was because they weren’t there to play nice and roughed you up on the way there, but nothing was broken. You could tell that you weren’t…God you couldn’t even finish the thought. You just knew you weren’t. Your flannel was gone somewhere, leaving you in the white tank top that was underneath and your jeans. You were also barefoot._ Awesome.

_Your throat was dryer than the Sahara making swallowing difficult. Your arms hurt from being chained up for who knows how long, and your wrists…oh your wrists. You realized what kind of pain was going through them, not the rubbing of the iron on your sweat dampened skin pain. The pain was going down the arm, in the tendons. So much for everything. They were shot, you just knew they were. But you couldn’t worry about that now, you needed to try to get out._

_As if on cue, you heard the door to your right open up and a man came through. He was nicely dressed, slicked back hair blacker than oil, mustache, navy blue suit and silk tie, a gold ring with a black onyx stone on his pinky finger. What shouldn’t have surprised you was the articulation with his English; it was damn near perfect._

_“Hello Y/N. My name is Matías. How are you doing today?” he said with a Machiavellian smirk on his face, his accent underlying his words._

_“I feel like I’d be doing a lot better if I weren’t chained up. Anyway we could just talk about this like two civilized adults?” You tried to keep a cool demeanor, but you were scared shitless and had no idea what he was going to do to you. Needless to say, there was a little edge in your tone._

_He put his head down, a dark grin crossing his face as he turned his ring with his opposite hand. Without warning you heard a loud crack, as the back of his hand met your face, the pain was instantaneous, and you had an iron taste in your mouth. His ring having cut your lip._ So maybe sassing someone in the mafia wasn’t the smartest move. 

_“Oh Y/N, you’re going to soon learn that you probably should be careful about your answers. This wouldn’t be the first time you’ve been told to be careful…now would it?” he asked you, not really looking for an answer. Moving in close to you he said, “Besides, where’s the fun in being civil?”_

It’s all a game; he wants you to second-guess yourself. Those were good people. 

_“Now…” he said as he stood to his full height and walked behind you to a table you didn’t see before, different instruments and knives laid out, “Let’s talk about the fun you and I are going to have. I ask a question, and if I like the answer then you’ll be ok, for now. If not, well…”_

_You were able to crane your neck enough to see him pick up one of the knives, nothing bigger than what could fit in a pocket, lightly dragging it along your arms, down your sides, across your neck in the back but not breaking the skin._

Yet. 

_You were whimpering now, scared out of your damn mind that Briana was the only one who knew you were here, and even then, she didn’t know where to find you._

_He circled you, like a predator to their prey, deciding where to strike first._

_“I’m going to keep this simple. I won’t touch that pretty face of yours, or your hands, make it easy for you to hide everything I’m going to do,” he told you, as he slid the blade over both spots as he spoke, still circling you._

_“The rest is fair game. I also want you to live. I want you to see the scars that you’ll have, every day, and remember who did it to you, and why I did it. Your brother took my son. You only have him to blame for this.”_

_By the time he got to the end he was yelling, anger filling him over the loss of his son. You didn’t dare argue the fact that Jonathan didn’t take him, or that he died in his arms or that the whole event had caused nightmares for Jonathan every night after._

_You kept your mouth shut._

_Placing the blade back on your cheek you whimpered again. “Your protective older brother, where is he now? Why isn’t he here rescuing you?” Matías said, trailing the knife down your neck, to your collarbone._

_You were too scared to answer, not sure if he actually wanted an answer, or if he was just taunting you. That was, until you felt the edge of the blade start to break the skin, a warm trickle of blood running down._

_“I believe I asked you a question Y/N. Where is your brother?”_

_“I…I…don’t k-know.”_

_Drawing out the cut, thinking it had to be at least two inches long by now, “Would you like to try that again?”_

_“I don’t!” You were crying by this point, tears pouring down your cheeks, making lines in the dirt that covered your face._

_He stopped. Seeming to believe you. For now._

_Dragging the blade across your skin, trying to pick his next spot, choosing the opposite side of your clavicle, “Why did he take my son?”_

Tread carefully…

_“He…he didn’t. He was a d-doctor,” you inhaled sharply between sobs trying to get air in your lungs. “He found children that needed help after the earthquake…”_

_The knife hadn’t pierced you yet, and he wasn’t saying anything, so you decided to keep talking._

_“He told me th-that he tried to save all the kids…b-but there was one that was too badly hurt…”_

_You felt the blade start to dig into you; you knew he didn’t like what you were saying. Whether he believed you and was upset by the events, or he still thought you were lying; you couldn’t be sure._

_“Please! This is the truth!” you got out between heavy sobs._

_But it was too late. Another cut, to your shoulder this time. You screamed out, knowing that you couldn’t be heard, and not because it was overly painful. Your body had been doing a decent job at keeping you numb to the pain, silently thanking the adrenaline that was coursing through you._

_Matías walked moved slowly behind you, growling low in his throat. “No.” Cut. “He took him.” Cut. “He took my son!” Another two cuts across your back. His anger was back, loud, unwilling to believe anything you had to say. Feeling helpless and hopeless, you just let him do what he wanted, more pressure on your wrists as your body started to slump down._

God, just help me get out of here alive. 

_Matías stopped in front of you, placing the blade below your neck, lifting your chin so you were looking him in the eyes, cutting deep enough to do some damage, but not so deep that you bled out. He was right in your face, whispering low, “This is all for Elías. Remember this.” Not that you would actually be able to forget._

_He spent the next several minutes dragging the blade into your skin, slowly; making sure you felt each and every cut. Making sure that they were deep enough to leave a mark, so that you would see the scares every day after. He was right, he never did touch your face or hands, and he never cut you deep enough to kill you. Although at this rate, you almost wished he did._

_You stayed quiet, letting him do what he needed to do to seek useless revenge for his son._

_This went on for two days. The third day you were trapped in that godforsaken place, he spent his time reopening every single wound he had made the days before._

_You were hungry, thirsty, covered in dried blood, sweat and tears. You felt like your actual soul was broken. You were hanging here, damaged and broken, knowing your brother was gone; thinking it was just a matter of time before you were meeting the same fate._

_The cuts he made covered your back and shoulders, collarbone and chest, went all the way up your arms to your wrists. He made you watch those ones, especially the ones that he made when he got to your wrists and seeing the previous scar tissue. You cried out when he cut you there, careful not to go too deep, but over those scars he knew he didn’t have to do much to cause the damage. The chains had done most of it, and scar tissue was always more sensitive the second time around._

_He saw tattoo on your arm, the one that you and Jonathan shared. The knife dragged over to it, Matías laughing to himself._

_“You know, I’ve seen this tattoo before. Only…it was here…” he said, dragging the blade up to your shoulder, right where Jonathan’s tattoo was. When he got to the same spot, you felt the knife dig in, crying out again, not just at the pain, but also at the thought that this man had this hands on your brother doing the same thing he’s doing to you. You were holding on to any hope at this point that Jonathan was still alive somewhere, trying to fight the denial that was slowly creeping in your mind._

_He moved the blade back to your tattoo, “It’s only fair we keep them matching, right? Besides, what’s the point of a matching tattoo with a brother you don’t have anymore?” as he cut a line through the Celtic knot that was in your skin._

_Your body fought on that one, it jerked, not really having a plan of action nor the strength to cause him harm. But between the force of your body against the chains around your wrists, it had been enough to dislocate your shoulder, making you cry out again._

_The pain was too much this time, your body was starting to shut down, you could only hope it was its way of protecting you, and that it didn’t mean you were dying._

_You heard another set of footsteps come in the room, sounding like they were so far away, asking for Matías, whispering something about letting you go, that there was enough on them to find them if they kept going._

_Walking back over to you slowly, he took what seemed to be a hot coal, from somewhere behind you, not sure where the heat source was. He was standing in front of you again, holding it with a pair of pliers in his left hand, the small knife in his right._

_“Well darling, it looks like it’s time for you to go. As promised, your face or your hands are just fine. But you will never forget this. I promise you that.”_

_As the words were spoken the coal seared the skin on your left forearm, followed by the knife slicing into your left thigh. You were screaming as loud as your body would allow for the state it was in. The last thing you remember was hearing that god-awful creature tell you that no one would hear you down here._

_And then everything was black._

\---

_You heard beeping, a steady beep, but you didn’t know where it was coming from. Slowly you started to hear more noises as you came to. There was a man talking to people, not being able to tell yet that they were nurses and doctors. You swore you had heard that voice before, that you knew it, it was familiar. Then you heard him speaking in English, but only hearing one side of the conversation._

_“Yeah, I’m here now…it’s bad sweetie…I’m going to stay with her until we’re back in Vancouver…I don’t know…cuts, bruises, dislocated shoulder…she was starved, dehydrated…she’ll be home soon…I’ll tell her…Love you too, Bri.”_

_Bri. He was talking to Briana. He said he loved her. Jose?_

_The beeping was getting faster. You could hear a commotion around the room but you couldn’t wake up. You wanted so much to wake up and see what was going on. See if it really was Jose, what you would give to open your eyes right now._

_They didn’t. The world stayed black and went radio silent again._

_Sometime later you heard the man’s voice again. “She’s still out…nurse had to give her a little more sedative…she should be awake soon…I will tell you the second it happens…”_

_You fought so hard to tell him you were here. You tried shouting for him, shouting for Briana on the other end of the line. But all that came out was a faint little whimper that should have made you embarrassed at your efforts, but it was enough to get his attention._

_“Briana I have to go, I think she’s waking up!”_

_“Y/N, honey, open your eyes.”_

_His hands were warm on your cheek. You wanted so bad to see the man who took you in to his family over the course of being friends with Briana. You fought yourself, so hard, willing yourself to wake up._

_And then you saw him. Those eyes that you saw in their daughter whenever she was around. The eyes that were always strong were now scared and filled with tears, giving you words of encouragement and praise for waking up._


	29. Tell All

You sat there, tears running down both of your faces, sitting in Jensen’s lap now. Somehow you had managed to make it through the entire thing without stopping, although you figured it was more of a once you kept talking you couldn’t stop kind of deal. 

“I was in the hospital for a few days, he had already gotten my things from the hotel, talked to the embassy, and got me the hell out. I couldn’t talk for days because of the dehydration. Not that I wanted to even if I could. I didn’t leave his side until I was back here. I even stayed with them for a few weeks; I was so scared to be on my own. I didn’t even want to see or talk to my parents. I’m not even sure if they know the whole story of what happened. They just know he died on an aide trip.” 

“Wrists were shot. Forty or fifty cuts all over my body, the half dozen burns that I can only assume he made after I blacked out, my shoulder…I never knew how I got out of there. I don’t remember anything after blacking out. All I know is that I was picked up somewhere, covered in blood, I had all of my belongings again, my flannel, shoes, everything. They took me to the hospital, and thankfully Jose had already been looking for me. I’m not sure what his job is, something government related, but he had a lot of favors to cash in, and he got me out. I owe him everything.”

“He also confirmed that Jonathan was killed. They had found the body a couple days later; I was still in the hospital. He had to ID the body since I was unconscious, but he said that he saw the tattoo…with a cut through the middle, just like mine looks like now,” you said as you absent mindedly rubbed your hand over your tattoo. 

Now that you were in the light of the living room, Jensen could see the thick line that ran right though it, distorting the pattern; he hadn’t noticed it that night in bed. He put a shaking hand on your thigh, the sleep shorts you were wearing showing the giant cut across the flesh that started from the back and came down across to above your knee. He didn’t move, just held his hand there. 

His eyes travelled over your arms, and since you were wearing a tank top, everything was visible. His fingers moved from your thigh to the tattoo, tracing the scars and burns, moving to a couple of the worse ones, then to the one on your arm below the tattoo. It was the same patch of knotted skin that he had asked about the first night you went out at the convention. The first burn that you had gotten, before he had dotted your skin with another six or eight smaller burns.

He spoke barely above a whisper, and had you not been sitting as close as you were, you wouldn’t have heard him. “I’m sorry I asked you about this that night. I had no idea.” Your hand went to his cheek, pulling his gaze to meet yours.

“Jen, it’s fine, you’re exactly right. You didn’t know. But from the very beginning, I had always felt more comfortable around you than I normally am with people, you had seen more that weekend than I ever let anyone see.”

He put his head in the crook of your neck, warm tears spilling down to your shoulder. 

“Y/N…I…”

He didn’t know what to say. And quite frankly, neither did you. 

“When I was in the hospital,” you whispered, Jensen’s head still in your neck, hand back on your thigh. “Jose had told the doctors about my wrists, having tendon development issues as a child and the surgery that I had to fix them, and then of course getting damaged again from the chains. He had the best surgeon flown in to help fix my wrists again.”

“But my body had an adverse reaction to the anesthesia, making me hallucinate during surgery. It caused my body to convulse, messing up the work he was doing. They got me sorted out, and he fixed the damage that had been done, but he said it was more or less temporary. Not to lift heavy things, don’t do repetitive movements; I had to do therapy three times a week for a few months. Jose told him I was a pastry chef, he said that it wasn’t going to last long.”

“And it’s not. It’s getting worse. But I don’t want to do it. I don’t want the surgery again. I’m terrified at thought of the anesthesia, what if it happens all over again. I’ll lose myself. Baking. Guitar, kids. All of my fine motor skills will be gone. What am I supposed to do with that?” At this point you were crying into Jensen’s shoulder, just as he had been with you.

“Fix what you can and adjust how you do things, or take this to the point that it can’t be fixed at all…” he was looking at you when he said that, hands on either side of your face, thumbs wiping away the tears they could get. The pain in his eyes killed you. “Please take care of them Y/N,” he all but begged, his hands directing your gaze into his, making sure you were listening to him. 

You nodded your head, leaning it on the back of the couch. Jensen wrapped his arms around your waist, you still sitting in his lap; he put his head in your neck again. You were crying harder now. Knowing that you had to get the surgery. Knowing what that meant for you and your being. He hugged you tighter, whispering that he had you, that everything was going to be fine, and that he loved you. 

“I love you too, Jen.”

\---

You never did finish the sandwich. Actually, they both went uneaten on the coffee table. Jensen sat there holding you on the couch, not wanting to let you go; wanting to take away all the pain and suffering that you had been put through. After what felt like an eternity, you felt Jensen’s fingers rubbing over your thigh, but the sensation went missing when he ran a finger over the ugly, jagged scar. 

You shifted slightly, not so much because you were uncomfortable, but because you were exhausted. He cradled you in his arms and picked you up, kissing your forehead. 

“Let’s go to bed,” he whispered. 

After getting in bed, you curled in next to him, Jensen holding you tight to his chest. You never wanted him to let go of you, even though you knew you were safe now. 

It was a fitful night of sleep for you. Which made sense, after seeing the scene filmed, the onslaught of memories during the panic attack and telling Jensen about everything that had happened. Thankfully it wasn’t as bad as they usually were, you managed to stay sleeping through them, the nightmares passing fairly quick, albeit leaving you in a sheen of sweat. Jensen on the other hand had a hard time sleeping because of it. He didn’t wake you up from any of them since you weren’t overly distressed, but instead laid there rubbing your arm or back calmly, whispering that you were ok. He wasn’t sure you could even hear him, but it seemed to calm you; long enough at least for him to doze off, until the next one came around.


	30. Self Doubt

The next morning you woke up slowly, your body still trying to catch up from everything that happened yesterday. Eyes still closed, you felt the lack of body heat and reached out feeling that you were alone in bed. A small whimper left you, you didn’t really know why; you knew he was still home since he didn’t have to be to work until later that afternoon. You stayed laying there, debating if you really wanted to get up and be a productive member of society, or stay in bed all day. 

Jensen walked into the room as you were having this inner debate with yourself, carrying two cups of coffee. Inhaling deeply, you caught the sweet aroma of the beautiful liquid, knowing that it was going to be the one thing to get you through today. As he walked towards the bed you sat up, “What do you want to do today?”

You got your question out at the same time you reached your arms over your head stretching out your tired and sore body, an audible pop sounding, stopping Jensen in his tracks. 

“Um, was that you?” he asked, slightly confused. 

You nodded, not really noticing it. “Yeah, usually happens every day, my shoulder just stiffens up during the night. Sometimes it’s slightly uncomfortable, but for the most part I don’t even notice that it happens anymore,” you shrugged as you explained. It never occurred to you that after being together for six months and living together for a month now that it never came up. But considering everything you told him yesterday, it made sense why he was picking up on it now.

He set the coffees down on the nightstand and sat next to you on the edge of the bed, looking at his hands in his lap. You could tell he wanted to say something, moving your hand to cover his; you gave it a small squeeze, getting his gaze to meet yours. “What is it Jen?”

He started to say something but then stopped, trying to collect his thoughts. “I just…I…” he tried, but to no avail. You saw a tear run down his cheek before pulling on his hand, “Come here.” 

He climbed back in bed over your legs as you scooted back, leaning against the headboard, resting his head on your chest with his arms wrapped tightly around your waist. You gently ran your fingers through his hair, letting him have the time to decide if he wanted to talk, neither of you bothered by the silence. 

It took Jensen a few minutes before exhaling deeply, his thumb drawing lazy circles on your hip where your shirt had ridden up. “Y/N,” he started quietly. 

Another minute or so passed. “Jen, you can talk to me baby. It’s ok,” you reminded him, still running your fingers gently through his hair, caressing over the short ones on his neck.

He nodded into your chest. _God if I could just be inside that head of his._

Barely above a whisper, he finally found the words to answer you. “I could have lost you…before I even met you.”

You understood the words and their meaning, it was pretty plain as day, but you still asked, “What do you mean?” 

“That’s what I was thinking about yesterday when you were telling me what happened to you, the pain and suffering you dealt with. It could have been so different; _this_ could have been so different. There was a chance that this, you and me, wouldn’t have happened. I mean I know that I wouldn’t have even known it, but just thinking about it, I can’t imagine this being any different, you not being here…God, and now I’m sounding so fucking selfish,” he finished as he buried his face in your chest, tightening his arms around you.

“Jen, sweetie,” you cut him off, fingers stilling on his head, placing a kiss there, your other hand on his arm at your waist. You gave him a second to calm himself, “Breathe.” 

After a moment you continued. “First of all, that’s not selfish. I’ve had the exact same thought since that weekend at the convention, I know what you mean. I can’t imagine a life that didn’t have you in it. Second, I’m right here baby, and I’m not going anywhere. What I went through, it was absolute hell, and everyday I have to see the reminders of that, just like he wanted me to. But I’m right here with you now, and nothing is going to change that.”

“I’m sorry,” his voice muffled from your t-shirt.

“For what?”

“That I didn’t see it yesterday, I was completely oblivious to what Briana was asking you, my hand was on you, and I know you, I should have felt the change in you. I’m so sorry that I didn’t pick up on that.”

“Jensen Ross Ackles.” That was all you needed to say for him to tense up slightly. _Yep, I just pulled the middle name card._

“Don’t you _dare_ pull a Dean Winchester and blame yourself for what happened yesterday. You had no way of knowing it was going to happen, even if you _did_ get what Briana was asking me, there’s no way that you could have seen it coming or stopped it. Ok?”

He nodded. “Jense. Please promise me that you won’t blame yourself.”

You felt him inhale and exhale again, after which you nudged his chin to look up at you. “I promise.”

“Like I said, I’m here and I don’t plan on going anywhere. There’s nothing you could have done to change anything. I made it through the last year and it all brought you to me that night at the café. I think you’re stuck with me for awhile,” you told him, trying to pull him out of the daze he had fallen in, running a finger over his cheek. “Is that ok?”

He nodded, “More than ok,” he responded with a smile as he reached up and kissed you gently on the lips. Pulling away you had the same smile, “Also, I’m pretty sure that Briana had something to do with you being there that night,” laughing at the memory; getting a text from her at the last minute asking if she could bring a couple friends with her to your open mic night. 

He laughed, “Yeah, sounds like something Briana would do. In fact, I remember the night she asked Jared and I if we wanted to go. We were getting ready to leave the set, literally walking to the car when she asked us. Of course that classic Briana smile was there, she definitely had motive that night.” Both of you laughed at the memory now, and everything that had come of it. 

You went back to running your fingers through his hair, “Can we really be _all_ that upset with her and how everything turned out?”

Looking at you with those jade green eyes, a smile tugging on the corner of his mouth, he tightened his arms around your waist, “Not one bit. I wouldn’t change this for the world.” 

“Me either.”


	31. ---

You had taken Jensen’s suggestion of going to see a therapist with the hopes that it might curb the nightmares, having been going once or twice a week for the last couple of months. It was helping, you hadn’t had any of the really bad ones for a while, leaving you with the minor ones to deal with. 

You couldn’t get in to see the doctor for your hand until the middle of March, having already called twice to try and move up your appointment. You were still scared as hell at the thought of dealing with it; managing to put all of that aside though when it came to Jensen’s birthday. 

There was no way you could make him a cake or anything at the apartment and keep it a secret for his birthday. You were still spending a couple of days a week at the café, making sure things were running ok, orders were getting placed and inventory was getting done. You weren’t the owner, and technically didn’t have to do all of that, but you liked helping out, feeling like you had a purpose. Because if you were being honest with yourself, you were feeling like you didn’t know how much longer you’d be able to help. 

It was a smaller cake, nothing crazy, able to feed a few dozen people. You had talked to Bob one of the days that you had visited the set, asking if they were going to be ordering in cakes for the cast and crew. He told you they were, so you the two of you decided to hold off for a couple days and surprise him. 

At the café the next day you were trying to decide what flavor to do for him. _He is a fan of chocolate, that’s always a classic, why not?_ After a few minutes deciding on chocolate cake with a dark chocolate mousse filling covered in chocolate ganache. _I mean if we’re going to do chocolate, might as well go all out right? Make the last one special?_

A couple days later, the day before you were to take it to set, you had decorated it with chocolate garnishes and writing. It really was one of your favorite cakes that you had done, despite how your arms were feeling. _Anything for him._ You couldn’t wait to get on set and give this to him, especially with what you had planned out. 

**Jensen’s POV**

My birthday was three days ago, and nothing had happened, save for a few well wishes from a couple people. Not that I ever asked for any of the crew to do anything, but they always do something special for birthdays, so it was a little weird when nothing came up. Especially after doing this for thirteen years. I put it to the back of my mind since Misha, Jared and I were getting ready to film another scene in the bunker. 

We took our marks, starting in the kitchen, and set up for the scene. Bob had given us some loose instruction on being able to adlib a few lines, just to see where it went. He knew how the three of us worked, and knew that we would get the take we wanted; even if it took a couple tries. 

Dean: Any idea on what we’re dealing with? _**grabs beer from fridge**_  
Sam: Not a clue. I’m sure the archives would have something. _**shrugs**_ There could even be something in the library?   
Dean: Don’t you have the library catalogue memorized by now?  
Sam: _**classic Sam bitch face look to Dean**_  
Cas: He’s not wrong, Dean. It’s worth a shot. Then if we can’t find anything, we can go down to the archives.   
Dean: _**sighs**_ Fine. 

_**Walks to library** _

Dean: Where do…what the hell? _**Realizes adlib**_ Why is it pitch black in here?  
Sam: …Maybe we forgot to pay the electric bill?  
Cas: You don’t pay for electricity…  
Sam: _**clasps hand on Cas’s shoulder**_ Never mind buddy.   
Dean: Are there even light switches in this room? I’ve honestly never noticed…

Suddenly the lights turn on and Y/N is sitting on the table, legs crossed with a cake sitting next to her. 

“Happy Birthday, Jensen!” 

I couldn’t even begin to tell anyone how happy I was at the surprise, I was just happy to have her in my arms, walking quickly to her and sweeping her up in a hug. “Wow! How did you manage this?” She just laughed. _God that laugh._

“Bob helped me out with this one. Hope you don’t mind it’s a couple days late.” 

I pulled her into another hug, “Not at all. Thank you so much baby. This is great, I love it.”

Bob had since called cut, while other crewmembers were bringing out a table with a couple other sheet cakes on it along with some plates and forks.

After a round of _Happy Birthday_ was sung, I blew out the candles on the cake they had brought out for everyone. I couldn’t wait though to cut into the cake that Y/N had made, I loved everything that she baked. Everyone on set, which was a lot of people, got a piece of either cake, and everyone who had a bite of Y/N’s cake was commenting on how amazing it was, saying that they’d have to call her for when they needed one. She thanked everyone who talked to her, but I could tell something was bothering her, but I didn’t bring it up; it could wait until later. I wanted the both of us to enjoy this time. 

Bob was nice enough to give us all an hour or so to eat cake and talk. When it was time to go, I pulled Y/N aside in one of the coves of bookshelves to say bye to her. 

“Thanks again for this. That was really sweet of you, in every sense of the word.” I couldn’t help to laugh at the pun I let slip. 

“Anytime baby,” she said with a smile. 

“I’m not sure what time I’ll be home tonight, but I’m out early tomorrow, so we can go out for that birthday dinner I’ve kept postponing,” I told her, giving her a kiss on her forehead. “Perfect, I’ll make a reservation when I get home later.”

I took her hands in mine, running my thumbs over her wrists unsure of how my next question would go over, but I had to ask to quiet the voice in my head. “I hope that cake wasn’t too much trouble for you, you know you didn’t have to do all that for me. You surprising me would have been more than enough.” I knew she got the meaning under what I was asking, I also noticed she hesitated before answering me. 

She looked up and smiled, “No trouble at all.” _I’ll have to bookmark that topic for a later date as well._ Her demeanor seemed to change in the next second, as if trying to forget the last ten seconds of the conversation.

“See you later birthday boy, you’ve got one more surprise waiting at home,” she told me as she walked away with a wink. 

_Well how the hell am I supposed to finish shooting today with that going through my head?_

\---

Despite the fact that we finished late last night, I had to be on set by seven this morning. I always hated days like these, especially since Y/N wasn’t at the café as much anymore to make my morning coffee. Because of that, I made it a point to have a few minutes with her before leaving, even on the early mornings when she despised waking up before the crack of dawn with me. It gave us a chance to talk though and just be together, as if living and sleeping together wasn’t enough, it’s still something we both enjoyed. 

I ran my finger up and down her nose, waking her gently. For some reason I loved waking her like this, I had no idea why, maybe it was because it was cute to watch her come to and flutter those beautiful eyes open at me. This morning though she whined at me, knowing it was too early for any sane human to be awake. “Why,” she asked, drawing out the word like a five year old. “Are you whining Y/L/N?”I asked her, using her own line on her. _Even that glare is freaking adorable._

I knew she wasn’t seriously upset with me; she enjoyed this just as much as I did. After stretching and sitting up with me, we talked about what we had planned for our days. Mine was mostly what scenes we were going to be shooting, while she had mentioned that she needed to run a few errands and do a couple chores. 

“Well I’ll be done around three, home by four, then it’s our night. Dinner…drinks…maybe another present to unwrap…” That got her giggling. “We’ll see Ackles, as long as you’re good,” she teased. “Oh you _know_ I’m good.” _Two can play that game._

\---

Briana and Kim were back on set today, we only had a few scenes to shoot, a couple things down by the boat yard. We were in the middle of a scene, all of us coming back from the Bad Place, when Bob yelled cut. 

“Uh, is everything ok? I thought that was a good take, do we need-“

“Jensen, come here please.” _Well shit._ I heard Briana answering her phone and a commotion going on behind me as I walked over to Bob. 

“Jense, we just got a call because they couldn’t reach you, Y/N-“ Briana was over, cutting of Bob, barely getting out the words that she had to go, looking frantically at me.

“Guys, what the hell is going on?” I demanded. 

“Jense, Y/N is in the hospital, she was in a car accident…” Briana told me.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, not needing to see who it was to know it was Jared, or to know exactly what he was trying to do; help me stay grounded and in the present and not lose myself. 

“I need to go. Dammit. Bob, I’m sorry, I need to go. Can you finish without Bri and I? I’ll text and keep you guys updated,” already jogging away before waiting for an answer.

“Go, we’ll figure it out,” he told me. 

Bless that man. Some days I wondered why he was so good to me.


	32. Wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jensen's POV

Cliff had been the one to drive a handful of us to the set location, so he was there and able to take Bri and I to the hospital, not even going back to our trailers to change. I had to get there and see Y/N, I didn’t care that it was as Dean, I needed to know that she was ok. 

Briana put her hand on my knee squeezing it. “She’s going to pull through, she’s a tough girl.”

“God Bri, she’s been through so much, and now this. Why?” It was barely a horse whisper, trying to keep the tears from falling.

The rest of the ride was silent. 

When we got to the hospital, Cliff barely had the SUV pulled to the curb before I jumped out, Briana following me. Thank god she was there, because I had no idea what I was doing or what to say. We got to the registrars desk inside and it was all muffled, I knew Briana was talking and then taking my hand in hers and leading me to where Y/N was. When we got to her floor, I came to enough to ask where we were going. 

“I just talked to the nurse’s station, she’s in surgery, has been for about an hour but she should be almost done, maybe another forty five minutes to an hour. They’ll come talk to us when she’s out. So for now we need to sit here and wait, I’m sorry hon. I’m going to go call her parents, are you going to be ok for a minute?” I could only nod my answer.

I was on autopilot after that. I heard her words but I didn’t want to listen. I didn’t want to sit here and wait for them to tell me if she was going to be ok or not. I pulled out my phone to text Jared, knowing he was probably still on set so he wouldn’t answer right away.

_We’re here. She’s in surgery. I don’t know anything else yet. Jar…fuck, I can’t lose her, man. I don’t know what to do right now. She promised that she wasn’t going anywhere. Briana is on the phone with her parents letting them know._

A few minutes had passed, in which time I had zoned out until I felt my phone vibrate. 

_**Y/N is going to be fine, she’s right; she’s not going anywhere. You know how strong she is; you know she’s going to give this fight everything she has.** _   
_**After we’re finished up here I’ll have Cliff come get me and I’ll bring you a change of clothes and some food. I’ll be there in a few hours. You gotta hang in there man.** _

_Thanks._

\---

It felt like a damn eternity before the doctor came over to us, and I spent the better part of it pacing a hole in the floor. “You two are here for Y/N?” We both nodded and stood upon his arrival. 

“I’m Dr. Timmel, I was the operating surgeon on Y/N, and she’s stable and will make a full recovery. She came in with a concussion, which is common for a car accident, some bumps and bruises and a broken arm. She was quite frantic going into surgery, talking about not wanting to because of the hallucinations. I had time to look over the notes from her last surgery, and saw she had a reaction to the anesthesia, so we were able to give her something else and she responded well to it. I did give her a sedative after surgery, so she’s going to be out for another few hours, but you’re both more than welcome to go see her when she’s moved to her room, maybe another thirty minutes. Do either of you have any questions?”

It was like I was playing catch-up in my head, going over everything that he just told us. “Umm…Surgery? For a broken arm? How bad was it?” I asked him, fearing the worse and starting to panic. 

“The broken arm was simple, just had to reset it and cast it. The surgery was actually because of her hands, well one of them. She was responsive when she came into the ER, telling us that she couldn’t feel her hands. It was when I looked over her notes that I saw the surgeries that she had had done for them, figuring that this was probably the cause of the accident. Of course that’s just speculation, the responding officers will be able to tell you more. I was able to get enough information from her and her chart to figure out the best course of action, and of course her permission to do the first surgery.”

“It was necessary to do it now, since she didn’t have feeling in them. I was able to operate on the same arm that broke, her left one. It was tricky, but I wanted her to have a least one useable hand during both healing processes. Her right hand has lost a lot of function, but she can still use it. It’ll mostly be fine motor skills that she’ll have issues with, so she might need help with some things. Please, sit, have a coffee, and I’ll have a nurse come get you when Y/N has been moved.”

Sitting back down, I thought about what I had decided yesterday on set, that we would talk about her hands. She was supposed to be meeting the doctor before the end of the month; it wasn’t supposed to happen like this. 

All I could do was sit there with my head in my hands, elbows on my knees. Briana rubbed a hand across my back, not having to say anything. 

Time passed oh so slowly; one minute felt like ten, when finally a nurse came out. “I can take you both to see Y/N now.”

When we got to the door the nurse paused, “I want to warn you, she looks a little beat up, cuts and bruises mostly, casted arm and wrist. She is fine though. She is breathing on her own, but has been given oxygen at least through the night to help her out a little bit. She’s also been given a sedative, so she’ll be out still for a couple hours. You’re more than welcome to stay as long as you’d like. I’ll be back by in a couple hours to make sure she’s ok, if you need anything, just press the call button by her bed, my name is Rachel.” She smiled a meek smile, opening the door and letting us go in first. 

She followed after, checking to make sure all the monitors were reading appropriately and writing down a couple notes in her chart, then left. I didn’t make it half way to the bed before I stopped and stared at her. The monitors beeping, tracking everything that was going on with her, the tube running just below her nose; I couldn’t stand to see her like this, I knew the tears were there, but I couldn’t stop them. Briana was bent over the bed, brushing the hair away from her face. I could barely make out what she was saying. 

“Hey sweetie. What did we talk about, you not ending up in the hospital again? Didn’t we say once was enough?” Her tone was light, and I could only imagine she was talking about when she was kidnapped and put in the hospital. “I’m not going to stay long baby, but Jensen is here, he’s going to stay with you. I’ll be back tomorrow. You need to heal yourself up and get back to this boy, he’s a mess right now.” I chuckled at that last part, at least in my head, not sure if the emotion made it to my face. 

Briana kissed Y/N on the forehead before coming back to me, putting a hand on my face to draw my gaze to her. “You with me Jen?” I nodded. “Stay here with her, she needs you. I’ll come back tomorrow morning. Text me if you need me, even if it’s the middle of the night.” I nodded again. 

She kissed my cheek and left, leaving me alone standing in the room, curtains drawn over the windows to keep most of the late afternoon sun out, with just the noise of the oxygen and monitors. I finally walked over to her, kissing her ever so carefully on her forehead, cupping her cheek in my palm, running my thumb over it. 

“Hey sweetheart.” The tears were coming, and there was nothing I could do to stop them. “Don’t forget. You promised you weren’t leaving, that I was stuck with you. I’ll be waiting. I’m not going anywhere baby. I’ll be right here when you wake up.” 

I pulled the chair from the corner of the room over next to her bed sitting on her right side, slipping my hand into hers. I took out my phone again, seeing that I had a few texts and phone calls, but I ignored all of them, opening the text thread with Jared. 

_She’s in her room 308. I’ll tell you the rest when you get here. She’s ok. Banged up pretty good._

_**I’ll be there within the hour.** _


	33. Wake Up

There was a soft knock on the door not 30 minutes later, looking at my watch seeing that it was only five-thirty in the evening. His bag slung across his body, another duffel in hand with a blanket sitting on top. 

“Hey man, how is she?” he asked me, setting both bags down and standing next to me. 

I sighed a long, exhausted sigh. “Been better,” I told him, going through what the doctor and nurse had both said to me. 

He went over to the other side of the bed, suddenly seeming to tower over her with her lying there like that. He kissed her forehead, running a hand over her head and whispered, “Hey kiddo. You got this, ok?” I loved how close the two of them had gotten over the last few months.

He pulled up the second chair that was in the room and sat with me, putting a hand on her leg. He told me would let Bob know everything that I had told him. I was thankful for that, not only for him sitting there for a while, but for taking something small like that out of my hands so I didn’t have to worry about it. 

Silence fell over the room, save for the monitors. Jared and I sat there for another hour or so, in comfortable silence, whether it was zoning out and dazed, or watching Y/N. I appreciated the fact that he was there, even if we didn’t talk. That was something he and I were great at, being able to be in each other’s company for hours on end, and not having to say anything or to always be filling that void. Just being there for one another was enough.

After an hour or so, Jared broke the silence, “I’m going to head home, call Gen on the way and let her know about Y/N. You going to be ok?”

“Yeah, thanks for stopping over and bringing my stuff.”

“No problem. I grabbed your clothes from your trailer, and Cliff and I also went to your apartment so I could get a few things, I wasn’t sure how long you were planning on staying here. But it’s enough for at least a day or two. I brought the blanket off your couch for Y/N, figured she’d like something familiar; as well as a few things for her. We stopped at subway too, got your usual.”

“Oh, and don’t worry about filming the next few days. Bob said we’ve been ahead of schedule, so we have some room to take a few days off. Text me or Cliff if you need anything.” He said before giving me a hug and leaving. 

“Thanks Jar.”

I didn’t make a move to change or eat, just sat back down next to Y/N and put my hand back in hers. Rachel came back a couple hours later, just like she said she would; I started to stand, figuring I was in her way. 

“Oh no Mr. Ackles, please, you’re fine.” 

I smiled at her, “Please, Jensen.” 

She returned the smile, warm, making me feel a little better. “Jensen, I’m the day nurse for this unit, Angie will be her night nurse. She’ll stop by after shift change in a couple hours.”

“Thank you.” 

“Everything is looking good, the sedative should be starting to wear off and so she should be waking up soon. No sudden movements for her, and she needs to stay lying down. Her pain medication is here, which she’s able to use as needed. There’s a cup of water for when she wakes up. Call me if either of you need anything.”

“Thanks again for everything.”

“Oh it’s not a problem, it’s why I’m here.” She said as she placed her hand on my shoulder before leaving.

I sat there for another fifteen minutes before deciding to change out of Dean’s outfit, switching it out for my own jeans, t-shirt, hoodie and tennis shoes. As I rummaged through the bag, I noticed that Jared also grabbed my phone charger. _That guy always was good with the little details._

Not really in the mood to eat, I left the sandwich on the counter for later, and grabbed the blanket, going back over to Y/N, tucking the blanket around her, I put my head in my arm on the bed next to her leg, and slid my hand back in hers. Somehow, sleep overcame me and held me until a small whimper woke me up. I looked at my watch as I sat up seeing that it was almost midnight, not knowing if I actually heard her or not; until I heard it again. 

It wasn’t the same cute whimper she gives me when she normally wakes up, it was pained and confused, and it hurt me to hear. I stood up, pressing the call button, brushing a finger along her cheek, running it up and down her nose, thinking that it may help her come to. Her eyes fluttered open and even in the dim light from the small lamp across the room, I could see that the brightness that was usually there was gone. 

“Hey baby girl, you’re ok,” I whispered, giving her time to gather her bearings. Her brow was furrowed and her eyes darted around the room, trying to fight the panic that was rising, eyes finally landing on her arm. 

“What…” she barely got out. 

“Shh, don’t talk yet. Here, take a few small sips,” I told her as I put the straw between her lips. Once I was sure she was awake, I told her briefly what had happened, before the night nurse came in. 

“Sweetheart, you were in a car accident. You got a broken arm, concussion, and some bruises and scrapes.” I told her, running my hand over her hair.

“Do you remember what happened?” 

Before she could answer, Angie walked in. “Ah, welcome back, Y/N. Hello Jensen, I’m Angie. I was in here a few hours ago, but you were sleeping and I didn’t want to bother you,” she said with a smile. “I’m sure you’re a little confused, Y/N. Do you remember what happened?” Asking the same question I had not a minute ago. 

Y/N looked between Angie and me, and then down at her lap. In a horsed voice she managed to get a few words out. “No? Not all. I was driving. Um, I turned? I…I d-don’t know.” Tears started welling up in the corner of her eyes. I went to brush them away, “It’s ok baby.” I looked up at Angie to see if she was going to talk to her. 

Angie continued, “Sweetie, you were in a car accident. You have a concussion and you broke your arm, they also had to operate on your left wrist. You came in saying you couldn’t feel your hands. Do you remember anything before the accident?” 

She gave her time to answer, it looked like Y/N was trying to fight the drug induced fog and tears to think back to what happened. “I…was turning…my hands were on the wheel but I couldn’t feel it…” more tears came as she remembered what happened, I tried to calm her the best I could. 

After a moment, Angie continued, “Dr. Timmel said that he thought the tendons had just finally worn down and essentially couldn’t do the job they were supposed to anymore. He was able to get your left one fixed, although not to 100%, and you’ll have to come back for the right one after your arm is healed. We’ll go over all of this again tomorrow, since I’m sure you won’t remember the details. I’ll be back in the morning, unless you need me before then.” 

“Thanks Angie,” I replied.

“Goodnight you two.”

I rubbed her head for a few more minutes, trying to calm her down, whispering to her that everything was going to be ok. She whimpered, “Are you hurting?” She only nodded. “Baby, don’t let the pain get so bad, it’s ok to take the pain medicine.”

Tears were still falling down her cheeks, I was sure her emotions were all messed up with the drugs in her system. “I don’t like how they make me feel.”

“I know baby, but you don’t need to hurt either. It’s ok to take them, and then sleep, ok? I’m not leaving.”

She administered another dose, and I knew she only had a few minutes until they kicked in enough to make her fall asleep again. I pulled the blanket farther up around her, “Here sweetheart. Jared brought this from home for you.” 

She was starting to get tired, her words slurring ever so slightly and her eyes drifting shut. “I thought I dreamt ‘bout him. Was’e an angel like Cas? He told me I had this. I d’know wha’ I have though.”

I couldn’t help but smile, despite everything going on, Y/N being drugged up was kind of cute, not that I ever wanted to see her like this again. 

I kissed her forehead one more time, “Just sleep sweetheart, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

\---

**Reader POV**

You were able to go home your third day there, having been cleared of the concussion and doing ok with your arm. You could tell Jensen didn’t want to leave you to go back to work the next day, despite your best efforts of telling him you were fine. 

“I’m going to call Briana and have her come over and hang out with you.”

“Jen, I don’t need a babysitter. I’ll be ok. I’ll just end up sleeping most of the day anyway, what fun would that be for her?”

“True, but, you also haven’t seen her much. You could sit around and watch movies all day, eat lots of chocolate…have a pillow fight?” He said the last part with a wink, to which you responded with an eye roll and a playful shove with your good arm. 

“Fine. You can call her. I’m sure she would show up anyway, as soon as she found out you were back at work.”


	34. Single Handed

The next two months were long. Thankfully your left arm was casted first, leaving your right arm free, which was your dominant hand so you didn’t feel completely useless. You were getting the cast off in April, and being given a brace that you could take off, as well as starting physical therapy. The downside was, you only had two weeks between getting the cast off and going back in for the surgery on your right arm. 

Jensen always made sure that you had what you needed around the house, making you dinner with enough to heat up for lunch the next day, texting and calling every second he could from work. If you were being honest, he was almost overbearing, but you knew he meant well, so you let him do it. _Besides, when I get the right one done, I really will be helpless._

Just as the nightmares from last year started to subside, ones from the accident started. None as bad as the ones after coming home last year, but bad enough to jolt you awake and leave you sweating and gasping for air and in tears. Jensen didn’t wake up for most of them, which you were thankful for, being able to curl into his side and fall back asleep. But you were glad when he did, that he was there to comfort you, especially nights like tonight. 

“Shh…baby I’m right here. It was just a dream, you’re safe,” he whispered, sitting up and holding you in his arms, stroking your head. You had woken up crying, and it had taken longer than it usually did for your head to clear, but you chalked that up to still being on pain meds for your hand. 

“I just want them to stop; all of them. I don’t want to see them anymore.” You quietly cried into his chest, clutching his t-shirt. 

“I know Y/N/N. I wish I could take them away for you, I really do. I’m so sorry, baby.” He whispered to you, rubbing his hand on your back.

He rocked you for a few more minutes, hand still methodically running up and down your back, until he felt your breath evening out and your body relaxing. 

“Let’s lay down sweetheart,” you heard him say, letting him pull you back into bed, your back to his chest, making sure you were both comfortable without your cast being in the way. The warmth of his body calmed you further, lulling you back to sleep. 

\---

April 24. Today was the day the cast was coming off. You were so ready to be done with it and to have a brace, something you could take off when it got too hot or when you just didn’t feel like having it on. You were going to cherish every second of the next two weeks before having your other hand in a cast. 

Jensen looked over at you as he drove, seeing that you were deep in thought, looking at your arm. 

“What’s going on baby?” 

“I just want it to be over. I want my hands back. _Some_ things just aren’t the same when I have this giant thing attached to me,” you said, lifting it in defeat. “And I just get to trade this one in for another one in two weeks. Hmph,” you pouted.

He chuckled at you, knowing exactly what you meant. “Well baby girl, we have two whole weeks for things to go back to being somewhat normal,” he said, bringing your casted arm to his lips and kissing the tips of your fingers. 

“When you say things…” you trailed off, knowing your hint wasn’t that subtle, making him laugh again. 

“I mean you being more self sufficient than you have been, you know, dressing, showering, not doing everything one handed,” he said with a wink. 

“Uh-huh…”

“And other things. It does kill the mood when you take a casted arm to the rib,” he chuckled, making you blush in embarrassment.

“I said I was sorry,” you whispered, pouting again.

Laughing a full body laugh while still keeping control of the truck, “I know babe. I’m just giving you a hard time. But, all that being said, tonight we lay in bed and watch Netflix, and then we can finish this conversation tomorrow, hm? I have some time off, so there’s no need to rush things and hinder your healing process.”

You let out an annoyed sigh, “Why do you have to be so logical about this?”

“I mean…one of us should be, right?” smiling at you.

“Fine. But I get to pick what we watch,” you told him, crossing your arms as best you could in defiance. 

“And what might that be?”

His only answer was the smirk that settled on the corner of your mouth.

\---  
By the time the two of you got home, had dinner and changed for bed, you were exhausted, even thought it wasn’t that late. That didn’t stop you from opening up Netflix and selecting from your Recently Watched list, eliciting a groan from Jensen. 

“Nuh-uh Ackles, you agreed. My pick.”

You were nice enough and had settled on ScoobyNatural, it being a lighter episode and one you could get lost in. You were fairly giggly at the beginning, having taken a pain pill not long before bed; getting the cast off had left your hand sore and you didn’t want to deal with the pain while trying to sleep. You started making comments about the funny pictures, and Dean having a big mouth as he shoved a huge sandwich in. Jensen just lay there, quietly laughing at you, as you sat next to him with his arm wrapped around your shoulders. 

Jensen had noticed after sometime, that your quirky side comments and loopy remarks had subsided. He looked down at you and realized that you had fallen asleep, right around the time that Sam and Dean were trying to keep the Scooby Gang from going into a frenzy over there being real monsters. 

He slid you down the bed and readjusted you so that your hand was elevated on a pillow, stripping himself down to boxers and getting back in bed with you. As if on cue, you rolled into him on your right, snuggling into his side, laying your head and braced hand on his chest with a leg tossed over his. “’I love you, sweetheart,” he whispered as he ran his hand over your hair.


	35. Continuting the Conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 110% pure smut. No plot. Feel free to skip this, you won't miss anything pertaining to the actual storyline.

You woke up the next morning feeling quite warm, despite the fact that you were just under the top sheet and you were in shorts and a tank top. When you started to stir to find a way to cool yourself down, it was then you realized your heat source behind you. There was a strong arm draped over your waist holding you tight, your back to a warm chest, suddenly feeling the even breaths on the back of your neck. 

It took you a moment to figure out in your just-woken-up fog that it was Jensen holding you to him that was causing you to over heat, noting that he somehow managed to end up on the other side of the bed than he started on the night before. At the realization of your surroundings, you inadvertently moved your hips, feeling his hard cock pressed against your ass, letting a quiet whimper escape your lips, his arm pulling you tighter to him; Jensen shifting as he started waking up.

“Well, good morning to you too, baby,” he whispered low in your ear, his voice gravely form just having woken up, as he placed a couple slow wet kisses on your neck and shoulder. You felt his arm unwrap itself from you, his large hand moving down to rest on your thigh, playing with the hem of your shorts. You lay there, letting his hand go where it wanted. 

“Mm-hmm…” was all you could respond with, not trusting your voice at the current moment.

He moved his hand up slowly, so agonizingly slow, over the thin material, fingers finding your cloth covered warmth. You bit your bottom lip to stifle the moan that wanted to escape, but it wasn’t all that effective. Kisses were still being trailed over your neck, covering your pulse point and going over your shoulder; you tilted your head slightly to give him more room. 

While his one hand was busy rubbing over your shorts, the other was between your side and the mattress, his hand moving up to play with your nipples through your tank top, reminding you that you didn’t bother with wearing a bra to bed last night. 

With one hand playing with your nipples, one hand rubbing between your legs and Jensen’s mouth still leaving kisses and small bites along your neck and ear lobe; you were a writhing mess in his arms. Gone was the effort in trying to hide the moans and noises that wanted to escape from you, the same ones coming from Jensen along your neck. Moving his fingers from pinching your now hard nipple to cupping your breast in his hand as he moved his other hand. 

You felt the warm fingers slide up to the waist band, tracing the edge of the fabric across your belly, making you jump, your breath faltering, as he ran over one of your ticklish spots. “Damn it, Jensen!” you said, in a low breathy tone. 

“Hm?”

“Ugh. You know what. Just…Mmm- Please…”

Without having to finish your plea, his fingers were under your shorts and panties, running over you already slick folds. 

“Oh fuck, Y/N,” he breathed into your neck. “God, I can’t believe how wet you are already for me.”

You were officially rendered speechless. All you could manage was rubbing your ass against his hard cock as you waited for his fingers to-

“Fuck!” you gasped, not fully expecting there to be two fingers inside of you so quickly. 

“That’s how wet you are, sweetheart, I could just slide them in, no problem,” he said low in your ear, letting the warmth of his breath fan over your skin. That made you moan. Loudly. 

You lifted your leg and tangled it with his which gave him more room, as he started pumping his fingers inside of you slowly at first; the two soon becoming three. He bit at your neck in response to the moan that escaped you; “Fuck, Y/N,” he practically growled into your neck.

“Jen…oh…shit…” you barely managed to get out between heavy breaths as you started moving your hips to meet the thrust of his fingers. His other hand went back to teasing your nipple, rolling it between his fingers. 

“Come on sweetheart, you’re so close, I can feel it,” he whispered, the words sending your right hand down, slipping a finger under your shorts. It only took a few flicks of your finger over your clit for Jensen to feel you tighten around his fingers, making him speed up in response.

“Jen, right there-“ you breathed, squeezing your eyes shut.

“Come for me baby,” he whispered. Those were the only four words you needed to let your orgasm take over your body, sending waves of pleasure and warmth washing over you. Jensen kept thrusting his fingers in you, only slowing his pace as you became more sensitive helping you ride out your orgasm. 

He slipped his hand gently from you, making you whimper at the loss of him, but hummed contentedly as he wrapped his arm back around your waist. 

“Good morning to you too, Ackles,” you said back to him, once your breathing had evened out after a minute. Jensen’s lips were on your shoulder as he hummed in response. 

The two of you lay there for a moment, before you wiggled your hips again, making your ass rub against his cock. Jensen responded with a moan into your shoulder and a low, “Come here.” You were under him in the next second. “You just enjoy yourself, we don’t need you hurting your hand again,” he told you as he peppered kisses down your collarbone, through the valley of your breasts and to the bottom hem of your tank top. 

He nudged the hem again with his nose, looking up at you through those dark lashes and lust blown pupils. You sat up to take your tank top off, leaning in for a kiss when it was gone. Jensen got off the bed long enough, and quick enough, to strip out of his boxers, finding his way between your legs again. Meeting you in the middle for another kiss, he pressed his lips against yours, silently telling you to lie back down. 

Once again, he trailed kisses down your neck, not missing your pulse point, sucking on it and leaving a slight purple mark. He moved down, giving attention to each nipple, leaving a wet kiss over each one, before taking it between his teeth and gently biting, blowing over it as his mouth moved away, making you shiver at the temperature change. 

He kissed his way down to the edge of your shorts, nipping at the band of material, moving farther still, kissing over your cloth-covered mound. He sat up, slipping his fingers slowly under the band at your hips, pulling your shorts down at the same time as your panties. Once they were gone, he found his spot one more time between your legs. He came down over you, keeping his weight off of you by leaning on his forearms. He kissed you lightly at first, nipping at your bottom lip, sliding his tongue along it, asking for permission. When he pulled away, he looked right into your eyes, running a finger over your cheek. 

“You ready baby?” he asked you, barely audible, always making sure you were ok. You nodded, before pulling his mouth to yours; the moans escaping it as he thrust inside of you slowly, bottoming out. He stilled, letting you have a moment to adjust to him while he kissed all along the front of your neck and collarbone, coming back up to your lips. Your arms were under his; hands on his back, being mindful of your braced arm, letting it lay on the bed, more often than not. 

With the slight movement of your hips, Jensen got the message and started moving, pulling out almost all the way before slowly sliding back in. You were meeting his thrusts, breaths mixing and getting heavier. You were surprised with how close your second orgasm was, almost coming out of nowhere. 

“Baby, I’m not going to last long,” Jensen barely got out between heavy breaths. 

“It’s ok Jen, fuck…I’m close again.” At that, he started pumping faster, his movements becoming more erratic. You were right there on the edge of your orgasm, his pelvis hitting your clit just right that it only took that one touch to send you over. You pulled him with you, sending him into his own orgasm, feeling him spill inside of you.

“Oh! Jen…fu-“ was all you could say, his head in your shoulder, trying to speak the same sentiments. 

Your arm was wrapped around his neck, as he looked up and kissed you, the passion and love evident in the touch. He wrapped his arms behind you, pulling your body close to him. He kept his weight off of you while the two of you slowed your breathing and calmed down, finally rolling off of you to the other side of the bed. 

“That’s quite the way to wake up Y/N.”

“Sure was. I wouldn’t be opposed to more wake up calls like that,” you said laughing as you rolled over and laid your head and braced hand on his chest like you had last night. 

He reached a hand over, rubbing a thumb over your fingers on his chest, stopping only when he seemed to realize something, looking over to the nightstand. “You need to get up and get ready, you have physical therapy in an hour.”

Groaning you responded with a cheeky, “What? So what we just did doesn’t count?” giving him a wide grin and a wink. 

“No. Now get that cute butt of yours up and dressed,” he said with a kiss to your head before rolling out of bed himself.


	36. Demon Eyes and Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this was delayed, I was busy with work. But I'm back and will finish posting it!

“Hmph.” You huffed out, feeling defeated, again.

Jensen rubbed a hand over your back as you sat at the table with the therapist sitting opposite you. “Y/N/N. The better you are about doing these exercises, the smoother your recovery will be.” Jensen chided, for what had to be the fifth time that appointment.

You just rolled your eyes at him. You knew he was right. It was also only your third appointment. But you felt like you couldn’t do anything, and your hand was sore after the first five minutes, warranting your lack of will to keep going. Yet here you were, letting Scott torture you. 

“Y/N…I can tell you’re not putting effort into it…”

“Quite honestly I’m just waiting for his eyes to turn black,” you told Jensen, an almost undetectable smirk on your face. Scott just looked between you and Jensen slightly confused. 

“She’ll have a better attitude next time, Scott. We’ll work on it, won’t we Y/N?” He said between you and Scott. 

Your response was to drop your head into your other arm on the table and mumble ‘Sure thing’. Jensen bent down to whisper in your ear, so low that even Scott couldn’t hear you with how close he was sitting. Your head shot up and you looked Jensen dead in the eye. “You wouldn’t” you told him, narrowing your gaze and calling his bluff. 

“Try me,” he said flatly, before looking back at Scott, ending the conversation between the two of you.

“Y/N, I know these first few appointments have been hard, but you really do need to keep up on these exercises to keep everything moving and healing like they should be. This is all stuff that you can do by yourself, or even have Jensen help you with. But, they are all vital to the recovery process, no matter how much you hate them,” Scott explained. 

You grumbled, but then caught Jensen in your peripheral and stopped immediately. “I mean, I will do my best with getting them done every day. Icing and heating as well,” adding a smile at the end that hopefully wasn’t as fake as if felt.

“Good. I’ll see you next week then, Y/N. Have a good weekend.”

“We’ll be here, and same to you man,” Jensen said, shaking his hand while you put your brace back on. You looked up at him with a confused look on your face.

On the way out to the truck you asked, “You’re going to keep coming back with me? You don’t have to, you know.”

“I know. But we’re in this together. I’m not going to leave you to do any part of this by yourself. You’re stuck with me, is that ok?” Jensen asked you, recalling your words from a couple months ago.

You looked up at him smiling, “More than.”

“Good. Let’s go home. Jared and Gen are coming over for dinner.”

“Ok. But…”

“But what?” 

“But…were you serious about what you said in there? About…”

“Guess you’ll have to be good and find out,” he said with a pat on your ass and a wink as he walked around to the driver side door.

\---

The weeks had passed and you were actually doing well with your exercises, even letting Jensen help you with them. He could be quite the motivator, you found out. 

May 15; the day of your second surgery. You were doing well with your left hand, only needing the brace if you were doing anything that used your hand for a prolonged period of time. Otherwise you were mostly done with it, which you thoroughly enjoyed. You didn’t want to have a brace on one hand and a cast on the other for the next month and a half. 

It was early, the sun had barely been up for a half hour and the two of you were in his truck on the way to the hospital. This time around, the surgery could be done in about an hour, with some recovery time, and you’d be back home that afternoon. You were so thankful that Jensen was able to rearrange his week to take the day off to go with you. I’m really going to have to make…get…Bob a gift basket or something.

You were looking down at your arms, a finger tracing lightly over the now few scars you had on your left wrist, along with the ones from the cuts and burns. You were just in a t-shirt, despite the cool spring morning, so you were able to see the vast majority of the scars you had. If your fingers weren’t tracing over them, your eyes were, which finally settled on the tattoo that peeked out from under the sleeve of your AKF campaign shirt you took form Jensen’s side of the closet.

Jensen reached up and rubbed his knuckle against your cheek. “What’s going on baby?” He asked, sensing your mood.

“They’re a mess. Today is one of those days that I’m having a really hard time forgetting everything, seeing every single scar, not being able to ignore them like I usually do now.”

There was a pause in the conversation, comfortably so, you weren’t upset that he didn’t have any sage words of wisdom, you just had to say how you were feeling, and you hated your scars today. 

“And today I’m getting another one,” you whispered, a finger tracing over the old scar on your right wrist. “I know I did fine with the first surgery, but I’m still nervous.”

“It’s ok to be nervous Y/N/N. You’ll be just fine and I’ll be there the entire time,” he told you.

Jensen knew there wasn’t a lot he could say to sway your stance on how you felt, but you also knew that he didn’t see them as marring or ugly. They were on you, but they weren’t you. He just took your left hand gingerly in his, lifted it up and kissed the back of your hand while you rode in silence to the hospital.


	37. Unspoken

The following couple of months went about much like the last couple had, nights included. The cast came off and you had your torture…er, therapy appointments with Scott, Jensen helping you with them at home. You had been good about doing them, despite the fact that they were a pain in the ass. But when you considered what Jensen was holding against you, thinking back to that day he told you his little proposition at your appointment, you did them.

You were in a brace for your right arm and trying to be independent with your day-to-day life, the only problem being that you weren’t left handed. I sure as hell better come out of this ambidextrous. It was however easier having your right arm in a brace, than it was in a cast. At least now you could take it off and have some function.

Jensen was getting ready for another convention tour, which you felt better about this time around since you could actually go with him. You were pretty much done at the café, not having been there in almost five months, since you made the cake for Jensen. They always said you were welcome back whenever you wanted, but you knew you couldn’t do what you loved to the full extent. The plus side to that was that you could tour with Jensen, so you weren’t horribly upset at the trade off.

Jensen found you one morning sitting at the kitchen bar, moving your hand around in a bowl of popcorn kernels to sensitize your fingers. This was one of your favorite activities, it was oddly calming and seemed weird, and slightly pointless, but it helped to get the feeling back. 

“Hey, baby?” he asked, coming over to sit next to you at the bar kissing you on your head.

“Yeah?”

“So we start the tour in a few weeks. Before that happens, some of the shows here wanted to try to get some people together, just to hang out, have a barbeque, few drinks and maybe some music or something. I just got a text from Stephen saying that he already had a few other people say ok. What do you think?” He was helping you now with some of the exercises, as you sat there pondering your answer. “It’s not a formal thing. Jeans and a t-shirt if you want to. Like I said, it’s just some of the cast members having a get together. No press, no nothing. Just fun.”

“You’re asking if I want to join you in going to a party with a bunch of other people who happen to work on TV shows,” you asked, face deadpanned. 

“…Uh…yes? You don’t have to. I wasn’t sure how you were feeling, and if you’d be up for going-“

“Jen,” you cut him off now smiling, a finger of the hand he wasn’t holding now on his lips. “I was kidding. I’d love to go.”

“Great! I think Rob and Jason may go as well, little musical entertainment. I’ll let you know the details when they get figured out.”

\---

**Jensen’s POV**

I had so many ideas floating around in my head; I just didn’t know where to start, or what to do. I already talked to Stephan about Rob going. We _would_ need _some_ sort of music, and it would also help with one of my ideas. I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my recent texts, looking for a particular thread.

_Hey Bri! Got a second?_

_**Sure, what’s going on?** _

_So…this party we’re having this weekend, you going?_

_**…yeah?** _

_Well…I’ve been thinking…that…_

_**Jen…tell me. I mean I probably already know. You do know who you’re talking to, right?** _

_…_

_**What? I’m observant. And her best friend. And more than ok with whatever you have in mind. You know I love you, and I’ve loved seeing you two together. You’ve been good for her, and she’s been the same for you.** _

_Thanks Bri. :)_   
_That means a lot._

_**< 3** _

\---

_Hey G, I was wondering if you would be up for a drink sometime this week._

_**Hey Jay, sure! We’re done filming on Wednesday, then I was just going to help Stephen get ready for this weekend.** _

_Awesome. Thursday ok? I have something I want to run by you for this weekend._

_**Cool, just let me know where you want to meet.** _

\---

**Reader POV**

Briana was over while Jensen was at work for the day, the two of you having some much needed catch up time. You had spent the morning at the little brunch spot near by, did a little shopping and were currently sitting on the sofa watching through your favorite 80s movies. 

“I’m going to go grab some water, want anything?” You asked Bri, uncovering yourself from the blanket you were sharing on the couch.

“Nah, I’m good.”

You went to the fridge to grab the pitcher of water, pulling a glass from the cabinet. Filling the glass you returned the pitcher to the fridge, taking a drink as your eyes caught the calendar on the fridge door. 

_July 17…wow, the second surgery was already two months ago…wait…two months?…I haven’t…It can’t have already been two months…stress?...No…shit, I haven’t been taking it since before…and we…._

You let out an audible gasp as the glass slipped and crashed to the floor, sending now invisible shards of glass and chilled water everywhere. The temperature and sound not affecting you, your eyes still glued to the calendar. You didn’t even hear Briana running into the kitchen. 

“Y/N! What’s…what’s wrong?”

You couldn’t see her standing there looking at you confused as you were damn near catatonic, just like Cameron had been after he saw Sloan topless not 20 minutes ago in _Ferris Beuller’s Day Off._

“Y/N, look at me. Tell me what’s wrong. Is it your hand? What happened-“

“Bri…”

“Babe you gotta tell me what’s going on,” she told you, starting to get frantic since you weren’t answering her.

“I…I’m pretty sure…” you stuttered, eyes still locked on the calendar. 

You turned to face her the second you heard your full name come from Briana, looking at her wide-eyed. 

“I think I’m pregnant,” you said, your hand and gaze falling to your still flat stomach.

You didn’t know what emotion to feel. Of course you were excited, you would love to have a family with Jensen. But you were scared, the two of you hadn’t talked about it, hell, you hadn’t even talked about getting married yet. You always loved seeing him with Jared or Misha’s kids, he was amazing with them, so of course you thought about him with children of your own. But now that it could actually be happening? You weren’t sure what to think. It wasn’t until you were focused back into reality that you saw that smile wide on Briana’s face, her eyes glistening. 

“Are we happy?” she asked you slowly, obviously sensing your hesitation, knowing there were indeed a thousand and one thoughts going through your head.

You thought for another second, a smile finding its way to your face. “We are. So happy.”

“Good! However, you need to hold that thought and watch your step. Let me clean this up for you.”

“Yeah. I should probably start using a plastic cups, huh? So I don’t break my way through all of our glassware,” you said with an almost forced laugh, trying to lighten the mood.

You didn’t bother to argue with her as you managed to hop up on the counter without stepping anywhere else. You were lost in your head now, sure that you were pregnant. Everything was adding up. You had been feeling more tired lately and you had missed your period. You had just attributed it to the stress and meds for screwing everything up. But then you remembered that you hadn’t been taking your birth control for the last few months because of everything else you were taking, and neither of you had been careful. You hadn’t even thought about it.

“Bri, do you think maybe we could go to the store today and pick up a test? Then call the doctor and make an appointment? I don’t want to tell Jen until I know for sure.”

“Absolutely sweetie, we’ll go when this is cleaned.”


	38. For Sure

You were pacing in the spare bedroom working on the pint of Haagen Dazs waiting until the timer went off on your phone. Not much was said; Briana could tell that you were working things out in your head. 

“Bri, what if-“

“Nope. He’ll be fine.”

“But we never-“

“Nuh-uh, he’ll still be ok.”

“But he hasn’t-“

“Y/N! Jensen will be ok with what’s going on. I know he will. I see how the two of you are. So you haven’t talked about a wedding, or children. So things happen and don’t go in the order everyone says they should. It doesn’t mean he’ll love you any less. I’ve known the two of you for a long while now, both as separate people _and_ as a couple, and I am very confident that Jensen will love this.”

With that the timer started ringing. 

“I can’t. Can you look? I just…”

“It’s fine sweetie. I’ll be right back.”

You kept at your pacing, having since set down the ice cream because your hand was too cold when Briana walked back in the room. 

“So, want to call the doctor now?” She asked you, holding out the test; the little pink plus sign right there for you to see. 

“I’m pregnant,” you whispered, more to yourself than anything, a tear falling down your cheek. 

\---

Two days later and you still hadn’t told Jensen, despite the fact that the doctor did confirm that you were pregnant. The one time he had asked in the last few days if you wanted anything to drink, he wasn’t surprised when you had said no, not thinking anything of it. He also didn’t question it much when you had been going to bed before him every night.

The two of you had been sitting on the couch watching a movie, you leaning into his side; Jensen nursing a whiskey while you had a glass of water. Keeping something like this from him was killing you. You wanted so bad to surprise him, so the days leading up to it were hard. Not to mention, you were already at eight weeks, so you wanted to do it soon. You had debated about doing it at the party, but when would there be a good time for that? And wouldn’t it be a little public? Would he hate that?

You leaned up to him and kissed him on the cheek. “I think I’m going to go to bed,” you told him, throwing in a yawn for good measure. You weren’t all that tired, but if you weren’t next to him, the need to tell him wasn’t as strong. 

“You sure baby? Everything ok?” That made you involuntarily tense, trying to will yourself to relax. He brushed a strand of hair away, coming down to rub your cheek. 

“Yeah, stay and finish the movie. I’m ok,” you told him with a small smile, patting his knee and heading to the bedroom.

You heard Jensen come in a little while later and drop his t-shirt to the floor, leaving him in the flannel pants he was wearing. The bed dipped under his weight as he settled in behind you, an arm draping over your waist around your belly. Your body stiffened slightly under the touch, your hand coming up to rest on his arm around you. 

“You still awake Y/N/N?” he whispered into your neck, surprise lacing the question, leaving a kiss after.

“Yeah, I guess I’m having a hard time getting to sleep. It’s been like that lately.”

He pulled you tighter to him, the warmth from his body covering you, the scent of him filling your senses and relaxing you. You felt his lips on your neck again, leaving a gentle kiss as you leaned into it. “I love you sweetheart.”

“Love you too, Jen.”

He started humming something quietly against you. You thought you had heard it before, but couldn’t figure out why, or where it came from. It was a beautiful melody, and you let it pull you in, closing your eyes and fully relaxing into him drifting off to sleep. 

\---

Briana was back over the day of the party, the two of you getting ready together while Jensen was out with Jared doing god knows that morning, hoping it was as tame as a round of golf. But when the two of them were involved in something, how tame could anything really stay?

“How do I tell him?”

“I mean, ‘Hey honey, guess what? I’m pregnant!’ usually works,” Briana retorted.

You scoffed at that. “I was thinking something a little more creative? You know, you see all those cutesy videos online, I’ve always wanted to do something like that.”

Thinking for a moment, she looked back to you as sat on the couch scrolling through Instagram. “Well, how about you tell him this afternoon at the party?”

“ I had actually thought about that. That won’t be…weird? Or too public?” You were thinking about it, but had no idea how to just come out and tell him. 

“Not at all. Wait for the right moment, if you feel it, great! Do it at the party. If not, wait until you guys get home and tell him this weekend.” 

“You’re right. I’ll play it by ear and see what happens.”

You didn’t see the smile that Briana had, and if you did, you didn’t think anything of it. You were completely blind to the fact that she knew more than she was letting on. 

“Let’s go find something to wear, shall we?” She asked, reaching out a hand for you to take, leading you into your bedroom and over to your closet. She started flipping through various items as you answered to each one. 

“No. Too short. Short sleeve. Too red. Too fancy. Not fancy enough?”

“Kid, you have to pick something. I’ve made it to the end of the closet.”

“First, don’t call me kid. We’re the same age,” you glowered at Briana. “Second, what about this one?” 

You pulled out the lacy sleeve of the dress that you had gotten in Austin for the party at the Padalecki’s. You could remember like it was yesterday the way that Jensen couldn’t keep his eyes off of you that day. Feeling the ghost of a low whisper in your ear from him telling you how amazing you looked, put a smile on your face.

“I’ve never been to one of these things before. But this is kind of dressy, kind of casual; and cute and comfy, all of which are requirements for a dress. And god forbid I need to wear either brace, I can manage around the sleeve.”

Bri took it out of the closet holding it up to you, “It’s perfect.”


	39. The Party

**Briana POV**  
Jared had offered to host the party, since he was one of the few that had a house big enough for everyone. I came over earlier in the day to help him tidy up, get the food and drink he had ready, and making room for the rest that was bound to show up with the other guests. Just as we finished, there was a knock on the door. 

“I’ll get it Jar.”

Opening the door I saw Jason and Rob and the bare bones of their equipment, enough for a backyard party. 

“Hey guys! Thanks for coming today!” I exclaimed, giving each of them a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey Bri!” 

“C’mon in, backyard is that way and let Jared know if you need anything. I’m going to go upstairs and change.”

After ushering them inside I headed upstairs, pulling my phone out along the way.

_Hey hon, you ready for this afternoon?_

_**Oh God, Bri, I’ve never been around so many famous people. How am I supposed to handle myself? I’m already stressing out and I’m not even there yet!** _

_**I’m going to be like that awkward kid at the school dance who doesn’t know what to do.** _

_Sweetie, chill. We’re all just friends, who happen to act. You bake. We act. Not a big deal. They’re just jobs and we’re just people. You’ll be fine. Besides, you have me, Jensen, and of course Jared. Once you meet people you’ll be fine._

_Also, I think some spouses are going to be here today too, so it’s not just ‘famous people’._

_**Correction, I don’t bake anymore, but not the point, I know. Ok. I’m also nervous because…** _

_Remember, you don’t have to do it here, or today. Only if you feel comfortable._

_**I know. I just…I don’t know. We’ll see how it goes. I need to get ready. We’ll be there soon.** _

\---

 **Reader POV**  
You stepped out of the bathroom after checking your hair and makeup for what had to be the fourth time in twenty minutes. You were wearing the white dress and a pair of sandals, hair curled with some pinned back so it stayed out of your face and subtle makeup. Grabbing your purse, you reluctantly put your braces in, knowing that on the chance you needed them you’d be glad you had them. 

You walked out to the living room and saw Jensen leaning against the back of the couch, a hand in his pocket, seemingly staring off into space. You could definitely see how he was the popular jock type in high school; a pristine pair of white sneakers, designer jeans and a navy blue button up with the top two buttons undone, and hair perfectly and purposefully mussed. You weren’t upset by anything you were seeing. He looked up when he heard you coming out of the bedroom, a smile forming on his lips as he looked you over. It wasn’t in any way other than appreciative and loving. He pulled his hand out of his pocket and opened his arms to pull you into a hug. 

“You look beautiful, sweetheart,” he whispered in your ear, even though it was just the two of you in the apartment.

Blushing, you pulled away, “You don’t look so bad yourself, handsome,” smiling shyly. “I’m not overdressed, am I? I mean you said casual. This isn’t too much? I can change if you want me to-“

In the course of your rambling, Jensen had moved a hand to sit gently on your cheek, pulling you in to kiss you softly, cutting off what you were saying. “You look perfect.”

\---

The drive was quick, not giving you much time to be nervous about the party. By the time you pulled up, there were already a few cars on the block. Jensen came around to your side of the truck and helped you out like the Texan gentleman he was and held your hand as you walked up the sidewalk to the house. 

“Remember. You can stick with any of the people you know if you’re not comfortable, we could even leave if you want. At any time. But I know you’re going to love everyone here. They’re just as crazy as our cast is, just on their own shows.” 

You nodded, squeezing his hand as the two of you walked into the house. Walking into the kitchen you saw Briana talking to another woman, about your height, petite and blonde. Briana saw you and motioned you over, leaving Jensen to go talk to Jared and Stephen. She gave you a big hug when you were close enough, “You ok?” she whispered in your ear, you nodding again in response. 

“Y/N, this is Emily, she works on Arrow. Emily, Y/N,” she said between the two of you as you took Emily’s outstretched hand. “Nice to meet you, Y/N.” You smiled, trying to contain yourself at the fact that you were actually meeting _the_ Felicity Smoak, “You too.” 

“Well I’m going to go find Stephan and Cass, let you get settled in. I’m really glad you came today,” she said with a sweet smile before leaving you to talk with Briana. 

“She seems so nice…and normal,” you said as you looked back to Briana. “You’re right, y’all are just people. I don’t know why I stressed.”

“Because it’s you,” she told you with a wink. “C’mon, let’s go introduce you to everyone,” she said as she led you through the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water on your way out. 

Within the hour you had met various cast members from all of the DC shows that were on the CW. Finding your way back to Jensen, you saw that he was talking to Grant and Caity. When he saw you, he lifted his arm and put it around your shoulder. 

“Hey sweetheart, have you met Grant and Caity?” he asked you, kissing you on your temple. 

“In passing, when Briana was making some quick introductions. Hi, again,” you laughed to yourself, noticing a look pass between Grant and Jensen, but you let it go. 

“Do you want something to drink? I can go grab you something while you talk,” Jensen offered, eyeing the water bottle in your hand. 

“Thanks Jen, but I’m ok with this for now,” you said, missing the subtle look of concern on his face. 

As if to change the subject, Caity went on, “So, Y/N, Jen here was telling us that you bake? That’s amazing! The best I can do is a cake from a box, and even then I question myself,” she told your small group, the four of you laughing. 

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with a box mix,” you started, leaning in closer as if you were going to tell her a secret. “I use them too, when I’m baking at home, but don’t tell him that,” you told her, motioning towards Jensen, even though he could hear everything you were saying. 

“You mean…those cupcakes last week…?” he asked, with the saddest puppy dog eyes he’d ever given you. 

“Aw honey. Yes. They were from a box, I’m sorry. I’ll make some from scratch some time,” you told him with a pat to his chest, though deep down you weren’t sure you would ever be able to. Playing along wasn’t hurting anyone though. 

Over the course of the party there had been music from a playlist that was hooked up to the speakers so that that Jason and Rob could also enjoy themselves. Briana had found the group that you had made with Jensen and a few others, followed by Rob who was looking for her. 

“Hey, we’re going to head over and start playing, how does…five or six songs sound?”

“Perfect,” she said, winking at you.


	40. Face the Music

After he walked away you looked at her, Jensen’s arm around your waist now. “What do you mean perfect? And why are you winking at me?”

“Because. Do you trust me?”

“Bri…remember what happened the _last_ time you asked me that?”

Jensen’s hand squeezed at your side, “I have a feeling it was right before you sang not one, but two, songs in front of eight hundred people.”

“What? Really? Where at?” Grant asked, surprised. 

“Yeah, you can sing? You totally should! Everyone would love to hear you!” Caity exclaimed. 

“He’s exaggerating. It was at VanCon last year, I sang backup for half a song, and then did a duet with him, so that was technically half a song. We could barely call it one full song,” you started rambling. 

“Semantics,” Jensen cut in, ultimately cutting you off. 

In the time that Jason and Rob played their songs, you had walked around with Jensen and talked to a few other people. Briana came back around to find you, letting you know it was time to go up, Jensen close behind, but staying a bit away from where the guys’ set up was. 

As you approached Jason and Rob you stopped Briana. “Hold on, what are we singing anyway?”

_“Good Love.”_

“Ok fine,” you said, dragging out the last word like a child being asked to do something. 

“It’ll be fine, we can just go back and forth, have some fun with it. No pressure. And I have the album’s instrument track hooked up, just to make it even easier.”

The music started up, the two of you getting ready with mics in hand, yours suddenly feeling heavier than you remembered them being, panic coursed through you quickly, but dissipating when you heard the music. As soon as the piano intro started, you weirdly felt a little more relaxed, even more so when Briana started with the first line. 

_Burning through the desert_  
_Peddle to the floor_  
_And every mile I take_  
_You win_  
_Turning up the music_  
_Cuz’ you’re begging me for more_  
_Feeling like we live forever_  
_Maybe we can live forever_

_Cross my heart and hope for state lines_  
_If we never get there_  
_Honey I don’t mind_

You were noticing the weight of the mic more at this point, having to hold it with both hands just to be comfortable. Briana saw this, and as effortless as breathing, she took your mic and hooked it back in the stand, not even breaking from the verse she was singing. She even had it done before you were supposed to start your next line. You were hoping no one took notice to that, but you supposed that if you did, you’d tell them why. 

_Hey it’s a good love baby_  
_Oh oh oh oh_  
_Don’t you know that you’re alive_  
_Hey it’s a good love baby_  
_With you by my side_

_One foot out the window_  
_With you, without a care_  
_Time to chase the setting sun_  
_Your head on my shoulder_  
_The wind in my hair_  
_We can leave it all behind us_  
_Baby leave it all behind_

_Cross my heart and hope for state lines_  
_If we never get there_  
_Honey I don’t mind_

_Hey it’s a good love baby_  
_Oh oh oh oh_  
_Don’t you know that you’re alive_  
_Hey it’s a good love baby_  
_With you by my side_

You finished out the last line of the song, finding Jensen and smiling at him as you sang, giving him a small wink at the end. You were brought back to reality when you heard the clapping and cheers of everyone there, all of which had turned their attention to you as you and Briana sang. You were laughing, suddenly nervous about being in front of everyone, when Briana pulled you into a hug. 

“You were great sweetie. You know you have it in you, you just have to let it out sometime.”

“Thank you for this, and helping me with…” you whispered, slightly embarrassed at the fact that you couldn’t hold the mic for an entire song. 

“Of course,” she said, pulling back and brushing a phantom strand of hair from your face. “ Do you need either of your braces? How are you feeling?”

“Good,” you replied, knowing there was an underlying question in her second one. Before you could answer her further, Rob started talking again. 

“Thank you Briana and Y/N for that! Another round of applause for these two lovely ladies everyone!” Rob encouraged. 

While the noise died down a little bit, you and Briana started to walk away. 

“Now, we have a special little surprise for you all today. He doesn’t do it often, but when he does, it’s a real treat. Jared, can we get a chair?”

You stopped; not knowing entirely what was going on, but you certainly weren’t alone. However, when you looked to Briana for some insight, you knew from the look on her face that you weren’t going to get any. 

Jared was back with one of the barstools from the kitchen, setting it down by Rob. “Thanks, Jar. Ok, if Jensen wouldn’t mind coming on over, I believe there’s something he wants to sing.”

Of course everyone there knew he could sing, and well. Rob was right, whenever Jensen sang in front of a crowd it was always a something special, and you were just as excited as the rest of them.

“Thank you Robby,” Jensen said with a nervous laugh. 

“So, I messaged a friend of mine the other day, after trying for weeks to figure out what to do…for a song. Uh, so he and I talked, and I asked if I could borrow one of his, which he gladly agreed. Thanks, man,” he finished and you saw he was motioning to Grant, who held up his drink in acknowledgement. 

_The look earlier…_

“Hey, Y/N, would you mind joining me sweetheart?” He was looking right at you. You had no where to go, you were right next to Briana, who’s hand was on your back, and you had just left the ‘stage’ after singing in front of everyone. It wasn’t like you could claim that it was stage fright and run away. 

You walked over to him slowly; still unsure about what was happening. When you reached him, he kissed you on the cheek, motioning for you to sit in the chair that Jared brought out. 

Sensing your nervousness, he asked you, “Trust me?”

“Always.”

“I wanted to do something special for Y/N today. I hope y’all don’t mind that I sing a little something for her, seeing as,” he stopped, looking at his watch, “tomorrow is our one year anniversary.”

There was a wave of ‘awes’ going over the group, which made you blush. You had actually lost track of time and didn’t even realize that it was already a year…tomorrow. 

_I guess I don’t have to worry about a gift since…_

“Well, I guess I’ll get to it then,” he said to no one in particular as Jason came around with his guitar and started playing. 

It wasn’t much passed the first few chords that you recognized the tune. 

_The other night when he was humming to me in bed_

_Grant…what does…_

_Oh…his song…_

_OH._

Jensen could see the wheels turning in your head as you pieced everything together as he started singing, giving you a smirk as he started. 

_Can’t say how the days will unfold_  
_Can’t change what the future may hold_  
_But I want you in it_  
_Every hour_  
_Every minute_  


_This world can race by far too fast_  
_Hard to see while it’s all flying past_  
_But it’s clear now_  
_When you’re standing here now_  
_I am meant to be_  
_Wherever you are next to me_  


It hit you suddenly, that this was the song Grant, a.k.a. Barry, sang to Iris in the show…before he proposed to her. 

_All I wanna do_  
_Is come runnin’ home to you_  
_Come runnin’ home to you_  
_And all my life I promise to_  
_Keep runnin’ home to you_  
_Keep runnin’ home to you_  


As he sang, he looked shy but sure of his words at the same time. He was keeping his eyes on you, not breaking contact, which was making you nervous; but you couldn’t break away either. He took one of your hands, rubbing a thumb over your wrist, the pressure feeling good after holding the microphone, even for the short amount of time that you did. After a brief moment his hand left yours. 

_And I could see it right from the start_  
_Right from the start_  
_That you would be, be my light in the dark_  
_Light in the dark_  
_Oh, you gave me no other choice but to love you_  


You thought about the first time that you had met him, a year ago, in the café at the open mic night, and the connection that you both realized to be there when he mentioned it in his panel.

_All I wanna do_  
_Is come runnin’ home to you_  
_Come runnin’ home to you_  
_And all my life I promise to_  
_Keep runnin’ home to you_  
_Keep runnin’ home, home to you_  


You were crying by this point, naturally; nothing crazy, just a few tears. Being overwhelmed with emotion can do that to a girl. _And hormones._ He came back to you, taking your hand and pulling gently motioning you to stand, before singing the last verse, brushing a knuckle gently across your cheek as he looked right into your eye. 

_Can’t say how the days will unfold_  
_Can’t change what the future may hold_  
_But I want you in it_  
_Every hour, every minute_  


As he neared the last line, the last ‘hour’, you saw him getting down on one knee, dropping the mic gently in the grass. Your right hand went to your mouth when you realized what was going on. His hand went to the pocket that it was in earlier before you left the apartment, pulling out a ring, but you didn’t have the brainpower to think about that right now. Jensen Ackles was down on one knee holding your hand with a ring. _Focus woman!!_

“Y/N, I have been in love with you since the first night we met at that café, the night that you showed me a little piece of you. We have had an incredible year, filled with so many memories. I know the journey is going to be rough sometimes, but I am promising you that I will be there with you, every single step of the way, by your side. I am so grateful that you chose me to open up to, to help you heal. You will never go through anything alone, ever again. I want to wake up to you every morning, lay around watching old episodes of _Supernatural_ in our pajamas, and spend every chance we get making memories. Y/N, will you marry me?” 

There was nothing around you. Everything faded away, it was just you and Jensen. Through your tear filled eyes you saw the bright emeralds looking back into you. This was the moment, for everything. Nodding, you gave him your answer. 

“Yes! Yes, I’ll marry you!” you cried, suddenly remembering that about thirty of your friends were around watching this. 

Jensen slipped the ring on your finger and stood up to sweep you into a hug, spinning you around before putting you back down. You hugged him again, your face away from the crowd. 

“Um, Jen,” you started with a nervous laugh, “I don’t want to steal your thunder but…” you stopped; only before he pulled away looking at you, a look you couldn’t recognize covering his face. 

“But what? What is it?" 

“I’m pregnant." 

In the half a second it took to see any kind of emotion register on his face, you started panicking. _This wasn’t the right time. He doesn’t want kids. But he just freaking proposed. This was too fast-_

“Really? Are you sure?” You thought you saw the faint twitch in the corner of his lip, but were so nervous you couldn’t be sure you actually saw it. 

“I went to the doctor a couple days ago, eight weeks,” you told him, smiling timidly. “Oh god, you’re not mad are you? I just ruined the moment. I-“ 

His lips meeting yours cut you off, more cheers and hollers were heard. 

“I’m going to be a dad?” He asked you a big smile on his face, foreheads touching, one hand cupping your cheek and the other around your waist. 

You nodded. 

“I love you so much, Y/N." 

Letting out a laugh from the unneeded stress you responded with a quiet, “I love you too Jen." 

The whole exchanged happened quicker than his proposal to you, but it seemed to have taken hours. Surprisingly no one rushed you to congratulate you, which you were fully expecting, giving you the time to have that private conversation. Jensen pulled you into a hug one more time whispering in your ear, “Can we tell them?” You nodded, wiping the rest of your tears away as Jensen reached down and picked the mic back up. 

“Hey, so uh, I guess there’s one more surprise? We’re going to have a baby! I’m going to be a dad!” he exclaimed, the look on his face was one of absolute love and joy. Jared was the first over to Jensen to congratulate the two of you, followed by Briana, Rob and Jason. After that you moved away to let everyone else give their congratulations and well wishes. Jensen never left your side the rest of the party. 


End file.
